“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No.” She shakes her head and clasps her hands together. “I love you enough to let you go and to find that person who can give you those things.”
“You know what, Nic? No one likes a fucking martyr.”
Her gaze whips up in shock. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Who the fuck are you to decide what I need and want?”
She stands to get in my face. “Well, isn’t that just fucking hypocritical?”
I stand and clench my fists at my sides, glaring at her, trying to ignore the gaping hole in my chest where my heart once was.
“I’ve always been one thousand percent honest with you, Nic. While you’ve only shared what was convenient or I ripped out of you. I told you from the beginning, trust is imperative in this relationship.”
I advance on her, not touching her, and push my face within inches of hers. “It’s my fucking job to keep you safe, and knowing what you need and want is a part of that. I’m in love with you. You need time to get your head on straight? Fine. I’ll leave you alone for now, but I’m telling you right now, you are mine. Nothing will ever change that.”
“I’m saying red,” she whispers.
I stare at her in shock for several seconds without blinking.
“You said at the club that all I have to say is ‘red,’ and it all stops.”
She’s using a fucking safe word?
I pull her against me and kiss the breath out of her, putting all the anger and frustration I’m feeling into this kiss, then I pull away and brush my thumbs down her cheeks, wiping her tears away.
“I don’t know how you got it in your head that you can’t give me what I deserve when I’m looking at everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. You are what I need and deserve, Nicole. When you figure out that your medical issues are a fucking excuse to push me away, you come find me. In the meantime, you’re right. ‘Red’ is a term I understand perfectly.”
With that I turn away and walk out of her apartment without looking back.
***
I drive straight to the hospital. I need to see Natalie, and not worry about my own issues for a while.
Everything that Nic said in her apartment is rolling around in my head in a big, fucked-up, jumbled mess.
Jesus, how did we get here?
I walk into Natalie’s room with a bouquet of flowers that I spent way too much money on in the gift shop.
“Hey.” She grins and holds her arms open for a hug, which I happily oblige.
“Hey, sweet girl. How are you feeling?”
“Better today,” she replies.
“She passed the stone during the night,” Luke says as he shakes my hand. “We’ll be heading home tomorrow.”
“Thank goodness.” Nat sighs. “I miss my baby girl.”
“Don’t worry about Liv, just worry about you,” Luke instructs her and then laughs when Nat sticks her tongue out at him.
“She always was a handful,” I remark with a smirk. “I’m happy to see things haven’t changed.”
“Why did you come here? Just to be mean to me?” she asks and narrows her eyes on me.
“I came to check on you.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“You look pouty.” She smirks.
“I do not.” I scowl and reach out to pull on a strand of her long dark hair. “I don’t pout.”
“You totally pout. Did Nic smack you around this morning?”
You have no idea.
“I’m not pouting.”
“Okay.” She grins. “I’ll call Jules, and she and I will just gang up on you.”
“I will tell the doctor to keep you here another day.”
“You’re mean!” she exclaims.
I laugh and lean in to kiss her cheek. “Don’t forget it.”
She cups my face in her hand and says quietly, “I love you, and I’m a good listener if you need one.”
I smile gently and kiss her cheek one more time before pulling away. “I love you, too. Thank you. You just work on feeling well and cooking that boy in there, and I’ll be happy.”
“He’s cooking,” she replies and rubs her hands over her belly.
“How are you, man?” I ask Luke. He looks tired, sitting with his laptop on his lap, keeping an eye on his wife.
“Better now that she’s on the mend and the baby is safe,” he replies. “I think we’re both looking forward to going home.”
“He’s going to make me rest.” Nat pouts. “And no more photography until after the baby’s born.”
“You Nazi,” I exclaim in outrage, making Natalie laugh. “How dare you take proper care of your wife?”
“I know, I’m evil.”
I laugh as I back toward the door. “I love you. Rest.” I give her the stink eye. “I’ll look in on you in a couple days.”
“Yes, detective.” She waves and giggles as I leave and almost bump right into my mother.
“Hi, Mom.” I give her a big hug.
“Hi, darling.” She pulls back and smiles up at me and then sobers. “Oh, we need to talk.” She turns and walks with me down the hallway to the waiting room.
“I thought you were here to see Nat.”
“I’ll see her after you and I talk.”
“What are we talking about?”
“Don’t be a shit,” she scolds me and sits in one of the plastic chairs, motioning for me to sit opposite her. “Now, tell me what happened.”
I frown at her and then laugh, looking up at the ceiling. “Am I seriously having this conversation with my mom?”
“You are,” she confirms. “Come on, I know something is up. Of all of my children, you’ve always been the hardest to read.” She rests her chin on her hand and watches me for a moment. “So sober. So serious. But it’s when your eyes look sad that give you away. You had that look when Asher’s wife died. When Brynna and the girls were hurt. Let me help.”
I clear my throat and am shocked when the whole story begins to flow, minus the Shibari, of course.