“Just on the weekends,” he admitted.
She didn’t like the show. It frightened her, but she didn’t want Johnny to think she was a baby, so she didn’t say anything. He got the idea after she hid her face behind a throw pillow from the couch. He moved closer and put his hand on her shoulder. Her heart was pounding. “Nat? Are you scared?” All she could manage was a quick nod from behind the pillow. When he pulled it away, he saw that she was crying. “Aw, Nat, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you watch this junk.” He brushed away a few tears with his fingertips. They were softer than she expected. For a few moments he just stared at her, and Natalie didn’t know what to do. She felt like she shouldn’t move, and then Johnny leaned his face closer to hers. When he kissed her, it felt as natural as writing her name. “Don’t be scared,” he whispered. “I promise everything’s going to be okay.”
She didn’t know if it was Johnny’s first kiss, but it was hers. Maybe she should have felt awkward or embarrassed, but she didn’t. She knew he was kissing her more out of sympathy than desire, and she knew it wasn’t going to go any further. “I’m not scared anymore,” she told him. She knew he would understand what she meant. She had known him all her life.
Johnny put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. They sat like that, watching repeats of old cartoons, until three in the morning, and when they were done he showed her where the extra blankets were in the guestroom. When she got into bed, it was with mixed feelings about her day. Some of it had been awful and some of it terrifying, but the last few hours with Johnny had managed to soften those parts so she was able to push them out of her mind. She had forgotten to ask for a toothbrush, so she fell asleep with the taste of potato chips and Coca-Cola on her tongue.
Chapter 57
HELEN
The first thing Helen thought of once Dr. Beineke told her that Abe would be all right was that she had been lying to him for thirteen years. In all that time, she had never thought of herself as a liar. But when she saw Abe in the doorway of the coatroom, when she realized just how much she wanted him not to understand the argument she and Rose were having, she understood for the first time her complicity in a terrible deception.
A few years earlier Helen had read an article in the newspaper about a man whose wife discovered he had a second family—another wife and two kids living only an hour away from their home. He had been keeping it secret for fifteen years, telling each of the wives that he had to travel half the week for work. A simple receipt from the dry cleaner had given him away.
Like everyone else she knew, Helen had been horrified by the story. She hadn’t been able to fathom how anyone could keep such an important secret from the people he claimed to love. In her mind she bore no resemblance whatsoever to the man with two families. But now, sitting in Abe’s hospital room, saturated with guilt, Helen struggled to distinguish her actions from those she had read about. She hadn’t planned what had happened. She hadn’t been motivated by lust or greed. She was different. Wasn’t she?
By the end of Abe’s second day in the hospital, Sol finally convinced her to leave for a few hours. The boys had gone home, and Natalie was staying over at Sol and Arlene’s.
“Take a shower, change your clothes. Lemme drive you. You need a break from this place for a while,” Sol told her.
“But he’s barely opened his eyes.”
“He’s gonna be fine,” Sol tried to reassure her. “You heard what the doctors said. They gave him enough medicine to knock out an elephant. His body needs to rest. But he’ll be fine.”
“I just want him to talk to me.” Helen didn’t tell Sol how afraid she was of what Abe might say when he finally did speak, of what he might ask.
“He will, just give him a little time, is all.”
“Let’s just wait until Mort gets here. Then we can go. I don’t want to leave Abe alone.”
Sol patted her hand. “Whatever you want. We’ll wait.”
Helen was grateful for Sol’s support, but she wished he wouldn’t make himself so conspicuous at the hospital. After Abe’s condition stabilized, Sol had brought in a flower arrangement so large it wouldn’t even fit on the bedside table. The next day, he arrived with a ten-pound cookie platter, wrapped in colored cellophane and ribbons. Helen made him leave it at the nurse’s station.
Mort’s visits were peaceful by comparison. It was Mort who helped her navigate the maze of doctors and nurses handling Abe’s care. It was Mort who dealt with the paperwork and the endless hospital forms. If Helen ever doubted his devotion to Abe before the heart attack, she could not doubt it in the days that followed.
That evening Mort arrived a few minutes after eight. It was a Monday, and he had been at the office to make sure everything was running smoothly. All of the staff and customers had to be notified of Abe’s condition. Helen knew how little Mort cared for prolonged conversation with people, so she was not surprised to see him looking exhausted.
Sol stood up and shook Mort’s hand. “Listen,” he said, “I’m going to take Helen home for a little while. Let her get some things and grab a change of clothes. We’ll be a few hours, tops, but she doesn’t want Abe to be left alone. Will you stay until we get back?”
“Of course,” Mort answered.
“Sol,” Helen interjected, “I need to talk to Mort. Give us a few minutes?”
“Take as long as you want. I’ll get myself a cup of coffee.” He left the room, whistling.
Mort looked nervous. “Did the doctors find anything else? What’s wrong?”
“No, no nothing has changed. He just … he hasn’t spoken yet.”
“Sure, he has; yesterday he opened his eyes and said your name. We both saw it. And when the nurse asked if he was thirsty, he nodded and sipped some water from the glass she gave him.”
“I know he said a few words,” Helen backtracked, “but not even a real sentence. And then he fell asleep again.”
“Well, he isn’t fully awake yet. They’re giving him a lot of sedatives.”
“But he might start talking tonight, when I’m not here.”
“It’s unlikely. I just saw Dr. Marcus on my way in and he said—”
“I know. I know it probably won’t happen. But if it does, if he talks to you when I’m gone, I just…”
“What is it?”
Helen started to cry. “Before Abe had the heart attack, Rose and I were arguing in the coatroom. We were both yelling, and I’m not sure what he heard or didn’t hear, and…”
“Don’t worry. Abe’s heard the two of you argue before.”
“But that was why he got so upset, and then—”
Mort was firm. “Our father had his first heart attack when he was thirty-five, Helen. It runs in the family. You know that. It’s not your fault.”
She was grateful for Mort’s trust, but she didn’t think she deserved it. “Please, Mort,” she begged him, “if I’m not here and he starts talking, please keep him calm. The doctors say he can’t have any stress.”
“I’ll take care of him. I promise.”
“I know you will. You’re a good brother.” Only later did it occur to Helen that it was the first time she had ever told him that.
*
When Sol pulled into Helen’s driveway, the whole house was dark. It didn’t feel like her home. Other than the sound of Sol’s breathing, everything was quiet. Natalie was with Arlene, and the boys were all at Harry and Barbara’s place. She was at a loss.
“Want me to make you some scrambled eggs?” she asked Sol, once they were inside.
“Two days sitting in the hospital, and you think I drove you home for you to make me eggs?”
“Of course not, but we’re here and you must be hungry.”
“How about you go upstairs and take a shower and I make you eggs? How about that?”
Helen laughed for the first time since the wedding. “You’re going to cook for me?”