What if she had done what she was supposed to do? Would she have felt differently if she had walked down the aisle with Mimi and Mort, if she had stood under the canopy with her daughter? She was certain of the answer: it wouldn’t have changed a thing. It would only have made her duplicitous. Since Teddy’s death, each year that passed found Rose more and more resistant to gatherings of any kind. The wedding was no different.
The rabbi persisted in his musings and the seven blessings were recited. By the time Edward shattered the glass, half of the people in the room were crying. Rose’s eyes were dry, but Edward’s grandmother passed her a tissue anyway. “Here you go, dear. Don’t worry—you know the old saying.” She patted Rose’s arm in a show of comfort. “‘A son is a son til he marries a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.’”
Rose wanted more than anything to escape from the doddering old woman, but she was stuck in her seat until the bridal party made their way back up the aisle. Natalie was the last of the bridesmaids to exit, and though Rose had barely glanced at the girl before the ceremony, something in her expression caught Rose’s attention in the moment she passed by. At thirteen, she was already a beauty; there was no denying it. But there was something more—the hairline, the eyes—something reminiscent of Rose’s own mother as a girl in one of Aunt Faye’s old photos. The once-unnecessary tissue, forgotten in her handbag, was retrieved. Edward’s grandmother handed her another. “No more tears now,” she warned gently, and Rose nodded in agreement. She didn’t bother to explain that she hadn’t been crying for any of the reasons the old woman imagined.
Chapter 52
HELEN
No one could say Mimi wasn’t a beautiful bride. On the outside at least. On the inside, Helen wasn’t so sure. As she watched the bride and groom interact, Helen decided Edward was the kind of man who cared more about the outside.
What does Rose think of him? Helen wondered. She’s sitting alone, not talking to anyone, not even trying to enjoy her daughter’s wedding.
The passage of time had taught Helen some important lessons. A few years ago she would have sat down next to Rose and tried to talk to her. She would have praised Mimi’s wedding gown and complimented the lavish celebration, all in an effort to earn back some small bit of affection. It wouldn’t have worked, but she would have tried. This time she wasn’t going to make the same mistake. She wasn’t going to ruin her evening feeling guilty. She was going to keep her distance and keep her mouth shut.
“Hello, gorgeous.” It was Abe, wrapping one arm around her waist and waving a waiter over with the other. He kissed her on the cheek and grabbed a handful of mini–lamb chops from the silver tray.
“Abe, how many of those have you had?”
“A few.”
She raised an eyebrow and patted his stomach, which protruded visibly from his unbuttoned tuxedo jacket. “Remember what the doctor said? You’ve put on too much weight, sweetheart. You can’t eat like that anymore.”
He squeezed her shoulder. “Tonight, I’m celebrating. Tomorrow, I’ll have celery.” He gobbled the lamb chops in a few bites, left the remains on another waiter’s tray and led Helen to the center of the room. “Time to dance with my beautiful bride.”
“I’m not exactly a bride anymore.”
“You’ll always be my bride.” The band switched to a waltz, and Helen let Abe lead her. But no matter where they were on the dance floor, Helen could not escape the view of Rose alone at that table.
“What is she doing, just sitting there like that?” She didn’t have to say Rose’s name. Abe knew.
“Who knows?” He tried to switch topics. “Don’t you think that bridesmaid dress is a little grown-up for Natalie? Couldn’t they have picked a different dress for her? She’s a little girl, for Chrissake.”
“Abe, have you seen her? She’s not a little girl anymore. And stop trying to change the subject.”
“I’m not.”
“Fine, then what do you think about Rose? Honestly?”
“Honestly, I think she’s starting to lose it.”
Helen stopped dancing. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m not joking. Every other week she calls at work and yells at one of the office girls.”
“Which one?”
“Whoever answers. She tells them the milk in her refrigerator is sour. Or she can’t find the can opener. Then she demands to talk to Mort.”
“That’s awful.” Helen’s resolve evaporated and she was overwhelmed with emotion. “What can I do?”
Abe shook his head. “Nothing. Please don’t do anything, Helen. You know how she gets when you try to get involved. Mort has to deal with her now. It’s not for you to do.”
“Maybe I can help her.”
“No. You can’t.” He lowered his voice. “You’re a good person for wanting to, but you can’t. Leave it alone.” He kissed her on the top of her head.
What would she say to Rose anyway? Other than saying hello, it had been years since they had really spoken; their last meaningful conversation had been after Teddy’s funeral, on the final night of the shiva. Helen was standing by the sink, washing the platters and trying to organize what was left of the food. All the visitors had gone home, and Rose had come into the kitchen.
“You can go home now,” Rose said.
“As soon as I’m finished in here.” Helen started to pack up the oversized coffee urn she had brought. “I’ll call you tomorrow and see if you need anything.”
“Why?” Rose’s face was blank. It caught Helen off guard.
“I want to make sure you’re all right.”
Rose didn’t answer.
“It takes time.” Helen reached for her sister-in-law, but Rose turned away.
“Time can’t fix this.”
More than anything, Helen wanted to comfort her. “Maybe not, but I think we should try to help each other through this. I’m going to come over tomorrow and check on you.”
“Don’t.”
“But why?” Helen’s chest was aching and her face was hot.
“There’s nothing left for us to talk about.” Rose had made up her mind. “And now that Teddy is dead, there’s nothing left for us to argue about either.”
Chapter 53
ROSE
Helen should have insisted on a higher neckline for Natalie. The girl may have been only thirteen, but she certainly didn’t look it in that dress. Rose noticed more than one of the groom’s friends staring at her during the reception. Helen must have seen it too.
It was chilly in the hotel ballroom, and Rose was shivering. She decided to fetch her sweater from the coatroom. It didn’t match the dress she was wearing, but she didn’t care. The family photos had already been taken, and no one was looking at her anymore.
The coatroom was on the other side of the hotel lobby from the ballroom, miles past the reception desk and down a long corridor. Rose couldn’t remember having walked that far when she dropped off her sweater, but when she turned the corner and passed the small restroom on the left, she recognized where she was. The attendant was nowhere to be found, so Rose swung open the waist-high door and began looking through the hangers herself. It was almost June, so there were only a few jackets, and the sweater was easy to find. She pulled it on and decided to sit for a few minutes on the stool she found in the corner. The dim overhead lighting washed over her, and the noise from the reception was muffled. Rose hoped the coat check girl would be gone for a while. She was happy to be alone.
Her thoughts drifted back to the party Helen’s brother Sol had thrown the summer before Teddy turned three. She had wandered away from that party too, to a spot by the pond Sol had told her about. She could still see the flowers that grew on the edge of the water—were they bluebells? It had been so peaceful.
Rose couldn’t have said how much time had passed when she heard voices approaching the coatroom. She recognized one of them as Natalie’s.
“What do you think is back this way?” Natalie was asking.
“I don’t know, but at least it’ll be quiet and no one will bother us.” It was a young man’s voice.
What was Natalie doing, going to the coatroom with a man? Rose got up from the stool and stuck her head out the doorway.
“You shouldn’t be here.”