From the moment he woke up that morning, Joe hadn’t stopped complaining. The others weren’t happy about the first day of school either, but at least they’d stopped grumbling about it long enough to eat breakfast.
“Are you done?” Helen finally had asked Joe, in a tone that made it clear she wasn’t asking. Joe was about to respond, but kept his mouth shut when she began to line their lunch boxes up on the kitchen counter. Helen knew he was smart enough to realize that a nasty response would mean no cookies with his lunch. Missing breakfast was one thing, but no dessert was another, so Helen wasn’t surprised when he’d decided to cut his losses and apologize. “Sorry, Mom,” he managed.
After Helen handed the boys their lunches she gave them all a final once-over. The last gasp of rebellion came when Sam tried to convince Helen that his stomach cramps might be appendicitis. Her response was to push all of them out the door and to lock it from the inside as quickly as possible. A few minutes later, she heard Natalie babbling in her crib.
With the boys gone and only Natalie at home, everything was easy. Helen was almost ashamed to admit how much she enjoyed taking care of her. With the first baby, Helen had always been afraid she was doing something wrong. When Sam came along it was easier, but Harry had been so jealous that Helen had to sleep with one eye open just to make sure Harry didn’t push his brother out the window. And with the twins—well, there were two of them. But with Natalie, Helen could finally relax. The sheer joy Helen felt just from watching her dribble breakfast mush down her chin was sometimes so intense that it brought her to tears.
After she got Natalie dressed, Helen carried her downstairs, pulled the carriage out from its spot in the hallway and knocked on Rose’s door. Maybe Rose and Teddy would come with them to the park.
Helen was worried about Rose. She should have been walking on air after Teddy was born. She finally had a son, and Mort was satisfied at last. Helen assumed everything would be perfect. But she was beginning to realize just how shortsighted she had been.
From the start, Helen recognized the signs. She had seen other women act like this after having babies. Rose was withdrawn and she stayed in bed most of the time. The other women Helen knew who had experienced this kind of thing always got over it after a month or so, but with Rose, it seemed to be getting worse. Teddy had been a difficult infant at first, and Rose wasn’t used to colicky babies. Helen tried to help—she would stay over a few nights a week downstairs and bring Natalie with her. She spent hours burping Teddy and massaging his tiny body the way she used to when Sam had colic.
After three or four weeks, however, Abe put his foot down. “It’s enough already!” he said. “Rose will be fine—it’s her baby. She has to learn how to take care of him herself!” Helen was furious. For three days she refused to speak to Abe. And for three nights in a row she slept downstairs with Natalie and Teddy.
On the fourth day, George didn’t feel well after dinner. When Helen tucked him in that night, he burst into tears. Helen sat on the edge of the bed with him. “Honey, what’s wrong? Do you have a stomachache?”
George nodded. Tears were running down his face.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” she said. “I’m going to get a bowl from the kitchen for you and put it by the side of your bed in case you need to throw up.” She was about to get up but George grabbed her hand and started to cry harder.
“No! Mommy, don’t go! Don’t leave me!”
“George!” Helen was surprised. “I’m just going into the kitchen. I’m going to get a bowl for you and then I’ll come right back.”
“No, you won’t!” he sobbed. “You won’t come back! You’ll take Natalie and go downstairs and leave me up here all alone!”
“George,” Helen tried to calm him down, “I would never leave you all alone. Sometimes I try to help Aunt Rose with Teddy, but Daddy is always here if I’m gone.”
“No! I want you to take care of me! I’m gonna wake up at night and throw up and you won’t be here! You’re going to leave us and we won’t have any mommy at all!”
“George, I’m not going to leave you.”
“It’s not fair! Teddy already has a mommy. Now he has two and we have none.”
“George!”
“You love him more than us!”
“Oh George, I’m so sorry.” Helen had tears in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around him. George choked back his sobs. Then he threw up all over his bedspread.
After that, Helen stopped sleeping downstairs. She missed spending time with Teddy and she felt bad leaving Rose in the lurch. But she had to give it up.
Rose had done a little bit better after that, but during the summer she retreated again. With school out, she relied heavily on Judith and the other girls to watch Teddy and keep him occupied. She cooked dinner when Mort came home, but most afternoons the girls ended up at Helen’s house for lunch. Helen started cooking extra food and buying double her usual order of cold cuts on Mondays. She didn’t mind. But now that summer was over and school had started, Helen was hoping Rose would get back to normal.
That was why she was knocking on Rose’s door now—she wanted to start the school year off on a good note for all of them. They could take a nice walk together and keep each other company. But when Helen knocked, there was no answer. She tried again, but still no response. “Rose? Are you home?” Helen heard crying. The knob to Rose’s front door turned easily in her hand so she let herself in. Teddy wasn’t just crying—he was screaming at the top of his lungs.
Helen found him in his crib, sitting up and sobbing. His round little face was red, covered in snot and tears from crying for so long. The room smelled of urine; he had soaked through his pajamas. She put Natalie down on the rug and picked Teddy up to comfort him. “Shhh, sweetheart, shhh,” she whispered. Teddy rubbed his faced into her shoulder. His whole body was shaking but the sobs were getting softer. “Shhh.” He was wet and shivering, and she wondered how long he had been crying like that. Why hadn’t Rose heard him?”
“Rose?” she called again.
Still there was no answer. “Mommy must be sleeping, Teddy,” Helen said to him. “Did you keep her up last night?” she cooed. He was finally calming down. “Let’s change you, okay? In fact, let’s give you a nice warm bath.”
“BA!” said Natalie, looking up at her mother.
“You can have a bath too, with Teddy! Won’t that be fun?”
Helen stripped Teddy out of his wet clothes and put a fresh diaper on him. Then she put him down on the rug next to Natalie, who was busy chewing on a wooden block. She changed the crib sheets and put both of the kids in the crib for safekeeping so she could go check on Rose. That was some nap she was taking! Helen hoped she wasn’t sick.
She knocked on Rose’s bedroom door, but there was no response. When she opened it, she saw that the bed hadn’t been made. Rose was sitting in the chair by the window, staring out at the street. She was still in her nightgown.
“Rose?” Helen spoke again, louder this time. “Are you all right?” Rose didn’t move. It was as if she couldn’t hear. Helen was afraid of startling her when she touched her arm, but she needn’t have worried. Rose looked at Helen and reached for her ears, pulling something out of them. Her eyes were sleepy.
“What’s that?” Helen pointed to Rose’s hands.
“Earplugs.”
“Where on earth did you get earplugs?”
“Hmm? Oh … the company picnic.” At first Helen thought Rose was hallucinating, but then she realized Rose must have gotten them from one of the employees. Some of them used earplugs to block out the noise from the box-making machinery.
“How long have you been wearing them?”
“I told you, I got them last month at the picnic.”
“No, I mean, how long have you been wearing them today?”
“Oh. Not too long.” Rose turned her eyes toward the window again.
“When Natalie and I got here, Teddy was crying so loud we could hear him in the hallway.”