Tears sting my eyes as I stare at her name and type several childish responses that I quickly delete, not sure why I feel so upset. Liam was just losing himself in someone in the way that people do when they are letting themselves fall. I had to get over the fear that his relationship with Nikki might mean he wouldn’t be there for me anymore. That one of the few people who had always understood me might start spending that energy understanding someone else. I tap the phone against my forehead and tell myself to grow up. Liam was one of my best friends and I needed to let him be happy, even if it meant I might have to stand on my own without him.
Starting the car, I decide I’d been wrong about the place I needed to go. Taking a deep breath, I turn the wheel in the direction of my house, suddenly desperate to be wrapped in Max’s strong arms, to let myself fall into him the same way Liam was falling into Nikki, to help him penetrate the silent wall that still stood between us.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“I have a date,” my mom announces when she appears on my doorstep the next morning, just minutes after sending me a cryptic text that she has something very important to tell me in person. Her lips are squished together, declaring this news as if she is telling me something impossible has happened, like she’s just seen a potbellied pig flying across the sky.
That was fast. I had wished for my mom to meet someone just the night before. As I’d laid in Max’s arms, I’d thought of her—no doubt sitting at home in her oversized mahogany leather chair, watching Law & Order reruns with her hands cupped around a mug of Earl Grey tea. It was like she’d given up on love the second my dad left—like a dancer who retires after an injury, too scared to get hurt again. So after Max fell asleep, I’d made the wish for my mom, hoping this one wouldn’t backfire.
“Tell me everything—immediately,” I say as I pull my mom by the wrist so she’s standing inside my entryway.
We walk out onto my patio, my mom closing her eyes and exhaling as she sinks into one of the Adirondack chairs.
“So,” I say, sitting across from her and kicking my bare feet up on an ottoman, the June sun already hot despite the fact that it’s early in the morning. “Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out!”
When my mom had knocked on the door, I’d been about to put on my Nikes and go for a run before work, hoping Max would see it as a sign that I was taking a more active interest in something he loved. And who knows? Maybe once the endorphins kicked in, I’d be more ready for the long day ahead—one that included the Calvin Klein photo shoot for the neon underwear campaign. But as soon as I heard why she was there, I’d chucked my cross-trainers into the corner, deciding this conversation was going to take priority.
Since I was a little girl, I’d always been like a sponge, absorbing my mom’s emotions. If she was having a bad day, I’d inevitably have one too, her testy tones and stinging observations easily rubbing off on me. If she was in a giddy mood, I’d catch that too, almost like it was a virus flying through the air. And when she was lonely, I could feel the ache in my gut so strongly it was as if I was also going through it—even last night while my head was resting on Max’s chest, I’d felt that familiar twinge in my stomach that had prompted me to take action.
My mom pops her eyes open and starts talking. “Well, you know it’s Thursday, and Thursday mornings are always busy, and I was on my driveway just about to get in my car to go to The Coffee Bean to get my—”
“Iced blended?” I interrupt, anxious to keep the story moving along.
“Right—and then Bill came walking up.”
“Bill from next door?”
My mom blushes slightly.
“Bill who used to be married to Cheryl before she ran off with her personal trainer? That Bill?”
“That’s the one,” she says, the corner of her lips curving into a shy smile.
“And what did he say?” I ask, as I think of Bill, who has lived in the pale yellow house next to my mom’s since back when my dad was still residing there. Bill, who used to grill out in his backyard, the smell of whatever steak he was cooking wafting into ours, always popping his head over the fence to ask if we wanted some. Bill, who once helped me change a flat tire in the pouring rain on a weekend I was home from college. Bill—of course. Why hadn’t I thought of him before? As I watch my mom’s face light up as she speaks, I realize that she had.
“He just, well, I thought he was going to make small talk like he always does and honestly, I was a little irritated he was holding me up because I needed to get to yoga right after I got my coffee.” My mom giggles. “And then he just asked—asked me if he could take me on a date. That after all this time, why hadn’t we?” My mom shakes her head. “Kate, honestly, it took me a full minute to even register what he said and—his face, you should’ve seen it. His cheeks were blotchy—red spots, you know—and sweat was trickling down his forehead.”
“So? Don’t leave me hanging here. What did you say?”
“I don’t know what came over me, but I said, sure, why not? right there in my yoga pants with hardly any makeup on!”
I watch my mom’s eyes dance with anticipation, her cheeks flush, and I realize I can’t remember the last time I had seen her look happy. Sure, she’d smiled. Of course she’d laughed. But authentic happiness? I couldn’t recall.
“So when are you guys going out?” I ask.
“Tonight!” my mom squeals.