CHAPTER
29
MY HEART was still pounding, and I wasn’t sure how much time passed as we lay there. Josie had a hold of my right hand, my dagger hand, and was dragging the tip of her finger along my palm, tracing idle designs.
She never knew it could be like this?
Hell, I hadn’t either. For real. Never in my life had I found release without getting my boxers off, and even as powerful as that had been, I still wanted her now. Like a caveman, the word mine, mine, mine repeated over and over again, and yeah, that was a first. Kind of fucked with my head, feeling this strongly. Wasn’t like it was something that had happened overnight. It had been building for a while.
She knew everything—every fucking thing about me, and she was here, in my arms, gloriously warm and soft. Lucky? That didn’t even cover it. She was…she was a gift. Salvation.
It was dangerous feeling this way, because it made me want to think about things I couldn’t have. A future, for one thing, and then there was the fact that she was virtually a weapon. One day she would face off with Hyperion. My arm tightened around her waist.
I didn’t want to think about any of those things right then.
“When I was a little girl…” she said. Since we had settled in together, she started talking about random stuff, and I didn’t want her to stop. I liked the sound of her voice. “I was really chubby. My granddad used to call me Butterball.”
I grinned against her throat. “I like your butterball.”
“Oh my God,” she laughed. “That sounds so wrong.”
“It’s true.”
“I bet you weren’t chubby. You were probably born with an eight-pack.”
Dipping my head, I pressed a kiss to the crescent-shaped scar on her neck, pushing down the anger that accompanied seeing that tag. “I was the fittest baby around. Could lift two bottles with just one fist.”
Her body shook with her soft laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”
Unable to help myself, I nuzzled her neck, eliciting a shiver out of her. I was already ready for round two, but I held that in check, satisfied with holding her. It didn’t take long for her to drift off to sleep in my arms. And even though I was tired, I found myself wide awake, centered on her, soaking in the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest, the way her lips were parted, and the long length of her lashes.
As I lay there, for what felt like seconds but could’ve been hours, the lead ball in my stomach resurfaced and got a little heavier. Doubt crept into my thoughts, diminishing the sated haze. It wasn’t regret. Fuck no. I would never regret these moments with Josie. The dread ran deeper, rooted in everything I’d experienced. It was that icy, nagging sensation that even though I held her right now, she was going to slip through my fingers, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I was only operating on a few hours of sleep, but as corny as it sounded, I felt like I’d slept for a week when I woke up and found Josie right where I’d last seen her, in my arms.
She was awake, her face turned to me, and a small smile pulled at those lips. “Morning,” she whispered.
Closing the tiny distance between our mouths, I kissed her softly, ignoring the sudden resurgence of what I’d been thinking about before I’d fallen asleep. Her lips were soft and warm under mine, and hell, I didn’t want to move from this bed.
“Training,” she murmured when I lifted my head. “We have…” She gasped as I trailed my tongue along her lower lip. “We have to do training today.”
“I’m your instructor.” I rolled, getting her right where I wanted her—under me—as I planted my elbows on either side of her head. Her legs parted, and I settled between her thighs. I’d do some crazy shit if I could get my briefs to magically disappear so there would be nothing between us, but the softness of her breasts against my chest was pretty damn awesome all on its own. “You can be late.”
She grinned up at me as she placed her hands on my chest, the touch tentative. “Well, thanks for giving me permission.”
“No thanks necessary. I’m just that accommodating.”
“I have a feeling that if we don’t get out of bed right now, we won’t.”
“I don’t see a damn thing wrong with that.” Lowering my head, I pressed a kiss to her temple and then another against her cheek. “Besides, I promise you’ll get your heart rate up in here.”
“Oh my God,” she giggled as she slid her hands around my neck and tangled her fingers in my hair. I liked the way that felt. Hell, I liked everything about this morning.
My lips found hers again and the kiss… Yeah, it was wild how something I’d done a hundred times before could feel so different, so new. I wasn’t sure what to really make of that, but she was right. The last thing we needed to do was to let…this…get in the way of training her.
Sometimes my maturity surprised me. This was one of those moments I wished I could fall back on the more selfish, don’t-give-a-fuck Seth.
Sighing, I kissed her once more, taking it deep and making it count. This time, when I lifted my head, I rolled my heavy ass off her and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. “You’re right. We’ll be good today.”
Josie lay there for a moment, her face flushed and her gaze unfocused. The sheet had slipped, revealing a rosy tip, and yeah, that whole maturity thing fucking sucked.
She went across the hall before I went back on my newly rediscovered restraint, long enough for us to shower and change into the training attire. Maybe forty minutes had passed before we met back up in the hall and the moment our gazes connected as she slipped the hoodie on over a tank top, her cheeks flushed pink.
Neither of us spoke for a moment. We just stood there in the silent hall, staring at one another. I honestly had no idea what to say. This… I didn’t have any experience with this. Spending the night with a girl and not having sex. Seeing her again and not wanting to veer in the other direction.
Josie tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she glanced up the hall. “You ready?”
I nodded and we started down the hall and we made it halfway before I did something totally cheesy. I reached between us, found her hand without looking, and threaded my fingers through her.
She looked up, surprise flickering over her expression, but then she smiled, and yeah, that smile was worth it.
Things were…a wee bit awkward.
Both of us were trying to pretend that a few hours ago we hadn’t been lying in bed together. Well, I was trying to pretend that I hadn’t been completely naked and I was doing everything in my ability not to let myself think about where those fingers and that mouth had been. I was seriously attempting to not think about any of that, leaving it to a more appropriate moment to obsess over.
I was failing.
Although doing training today had been completely my idea, it wasn’t my brightest. My thoughts were scattered and hung up on everything that had happened last night.
Seth circled me. His chin was dipped down and his lips curled in a half smile that was totally at odds with what we were doing. So were those amber eyes. They were full of wicked secrets that made it hard to concentrate. I kept thinking about what would happen when we were behind closed doors.
He snapped forward, swinging out an arm. Unprepared, I darted to the side instead of blocking. “Pay attention,” he murmured.
Lifting my arms into position, I narrowed my eyes. “I’m totally paying attention.”
“No, you’re not.”