He shrugged as he tugged the leather band off his wrist and lifted his heavy arms, tugging his hair back from his face. “What life was I giving up? It wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. Trust me. I deserve this. And I deserve what I have coming to me.”
“You didn’t deserve any of this.” I stepped forward, ignoring the way his head swiveled sharply toward me. And the moment the words came out, I knew it was how I felt. Right or wrong, it was just how I felt. “You didn’t deserve to be born to a shitty mom or have a crappy childhood. You sure as hell didn’t deserve to have someone use that against you.”
His chest rose. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know that Alex didn’t deserve everything that was thrown at her. Just like you didn’t. That doesn’t mean you didn’t make some shitty choices in all of it.”
“I’m pretty sure what I did could be summed up a little better than a shitty choice,” he snapped back.
“Okay.” Frustration got the better of me and I stormed forward, stopping short of pushing him. “You did terrible things, Seth. You did horrible things. Is that what you want to hear me say?”
He started to look away.
“No. Is that it? You just want me to keep telling you what you want to believe about yourself? That you don’t deserve happiness? That you’re a monster?”
“That’s because I am one!” he shouted, facing me, and up close, his eyes burned ocher. A shimmer of amber danced down his arms, evaporating so quickly I wasn’t sure I’d seen it. “Why can’t you see that? Everyone else around you does. Wait. Are you just going to stand there and tell me more stories about how you ran over animals?”
My eyes narrowed. “Shut up.”
He smirked.
“They don’t see you as a monster,” I shot back. “If they did, do you think they’d let you in here? That Deacon would’ve thanked you? That someone wouldn’t have gotten their hands on you by now and at least attempted to beat the crap out of you?”
He opened his mouth, but I didn’t want to hear it. “Or that Apollo would’ve put you in charge of me? That he wouldn’t have skinned you alive when he found us kissing? Why can’t you see that?”
A tense moment passed and then he dipped his chin, got right up in my face. His voice was low when he spoke. “So you can forget and forgive every horrible thing I’ve done? Is that what you’re saying?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is—you are not the sum of only half of your actions. You can’t disregard everything else.”
He stared at me, and wow, I was kind of proud of that myself. I latched onto it. “I know that you cared for people. I know that you cared for Alex. And I know—I know—you wouldn’t have done those things if you hadn’t been manipulated into them. I’m not saying that you’re devoid of responsibility, but that’s not the only thing that makes you who you are. You are more than just the Apollyon. You are more than the guy who sided with Ares. You’re…you’re also the guy who made a major step in righting what he’d done wrong. You’re the guy who regrets what he’s done. You’re the guy who didn’t laugh at me when I said I didn’t have friends in school. You’re also the guy who let me turn him into a Pillow Pet, and you care about—”
He shot forward, clasping my cheeks. “Say it again.”
“Say what?” I replied, gripping his wrists. “I said a lot of things. Help me out here.”
“Say that I’m not just the Apollyon,” he whispered, his voice harsh.
Tears built up in my throat. “You’re not just the Apollyon,
Seth.”
His eyes drifted shut, his face tensed as his fingers splayed across my cheeks. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. Or what I ever was.”
Oh goodness, that ripped right through my chest. “You’re just…you’re just Seth.”
A tremor moved through his arms. “And you…you’re just my salvation.”
I gasped as he let go and turned. He stumbled through the doorway, lacking his normal grace. His salvation? That was… powerful. Important. Folding my hands under my chin, I followed him into the bedroom. He’d stopped in front of the bed, hands on his hips, his head bowed and the muscles along his shoulders bunched. Every muscle in his back, down to the low-hanging pants, was tense.
“Seth?”
He lifted his head, and I heard the breath he took right before he faced me. I saw it happen. Whatever walls he had perfectly crafted around him had cracked right open. He stared at me in a way I’d never seen before.
“If you don’t leave right now, I won’t be responsible for what I’ll do,” he said, his voice deep and rough. “I am not kidding.”
I froze as a series of shivers spread across my skin and my eyes widened. Part of me thought I knew what he was saying. Then again, I wasn’t really sure of anything other than the fact that, as crazy as it sounded, I trusted him. Who knew what that said about me?
“Josie.” His voice cracked as his arms fell to his side.
In that moment, I knew that he needed me to stay. He actually needed more than that. Leaving didn’t prove anything I’d just said to him, and I didn’t want to leave. My stomach fluttered nervously as I took a step toward him.
That was as far as I made it.
Seth was in front of me in a heartbeat. One arm curved around my waist and he hauled me against his bare chest. His other hand cradled the back of my head, tilting my mouth up to meet his.
The kiss…
It was the softest and sweetest thing I’d ever felt. Barely there, a whisper over my lips, but so potent, so shattering, I had to fight the rise of tears. And his powerful body shook against mine as he mapped the layout of my mouth. There was something infinitely tender in that moment.
The kiss…
It stole my soul, laid claim to me in a way I didn’t know was possible. It reached down inside me, doing more than building a fire. There was hope in that kiss. There was a promise of more, of redemption.
Of salvation.
My lips parted under his, welcoming him in, and the kiss deepened, but there was nothing rushed to it. Like a slow, tentative exploration, he kissed me like he’d never kissed anyone before, and I seriously knew that wasn’t the case. But there was something new, something tentative, about the way our tongues met, and I started to shake.
Seth pulled back, his eyes latched onto mine. “Do you want this?”
I found my voice. “Yes.”
“You’re crazy.”
Then his mouth was on mine, and as my hands flattened on his shoulders, I felt my senses start to spin. His hands moved to the hem of my sweater and he didn’t break contact until he needed to in order to lift the sweater over my head. He dropped it on the floor, and then swept his lips over mine.
His hands settled on my shoulders, fingers playing over the straps of my bra. I’d never gone this far before, so when he leaned back and his gaze traveled over my flushed face and parted lips, down my neck, I had to fight the urge to cover myself.
My body was not perfect, not like his. Even with all the training and running, my stomach was still soft and my hips were still wide. I doubted those things would ever change, but it was hard to stand there and let him look his fill.
He trailed his fingers down the straps and over the lacy cups, causing my breath to catch and a riot of sensations to flood me. There was no hiding my body’s reaction from him. When his fingers reached the V in my cleavage, his hands moved out to the sides, smoothing over the tips of my breasts.
I swallowed, but found that I couldn’t get my throat to work. He shifted closer, his hips pressing against my belly as he cupped my breasts. His thumbs moved, trailing idle circles that kept getting closer and closer to where I actually ached.
His thick lashes lifted, his stare searing into mine as his thumbs hit the hardened tips, and I cried out. Seth swept in, capturing the sound with his lips, but his fingers… Oh God, they didn’t stop. He teased and taunted, tugged and tortured me in the sweetest way possible through the thin satin, working me until I was panting into his kisses and my fingernails were digging into his shoulders. One hand slipped to my back, and proving he had some mad skills, he unhooked the bra with one hand. The material loosened, and I dipped my head to his chest, pressing a kiss against the taut skin as he dragged the straps down my arms. He waited until I lowered my arms, and then he let the bra fall between us.
Seth pressed his lips against the top of my head and then the tip of my nose when I lifted my chin. The kisses kept coming. Over my cheeks, along my jaw, and then down the side of my neck, his tongue flicking out over my pulse, sending it pounding throughout me as his hands found their way back to my breasts. With nothing between his palms and my skin, the touch was nothing short of being hit with a live wire.
A sound I didn’t even know was possible rose up my throat, and I felt his lips curve against the skin between my neck and shoulder. I held onto him as he wrapped an arm around my waist and lifted me up. Then I was on my back, in his bed, with my hair everywhere, completely topless, and he was hovering over me, his gaze doing just as many dangerous things to my heart as his touch had.
“Perfect,” he murmured. “You know that? Absolutely fucking perfect.”