Over the next few months, I watch as Quinn dwindles away both emotionally and physically. She’s almost completely disappeared right in front of my eyes.
That fateful night at the club, something in Quinn broke. I mean, she was already cracked and splintered, but that night completely shattered her.
Her eyes no longer sparkle with whatever fabricated happiness she used to mask her internal struggles. I know now that the more she smiled and laughed, the more she was concealing her pain. What happened with Josh and Sabrina was enough to knock anyone down, I can’t deny that, but most people would have recovered by now. Quinn just continues fading away into oblivion, each day a fresh nick to the rope of her rapidly fraying mind.
And I can’t do shit about it.
I tried, in the beginning. I would ask if she were okay as I entered her darkened room and plopped down on her bed. This only resulted in her turning away and pulling up the sheets. After a while, I found myself just relieved that she was capable of moving at all.
Then, I asked her about class. Class that she never bothered to attend anymore. She managed to drag herself to finals, but that was about it. When she was done, she crawled back into bed and covered her head with her comforter. Nothing was said.
After a while, I just quit asking.
I was forced to leave her during Winter Break, heading to see Linda for a week over Christmas. The trip was kind of a bust anyway because Linda had bronchitis and I hardly saw her. It was probably for the best though because I wouldn’t have been good company. My thoughts were constantly pulled to Quinn and the state I would find her in when I got back to the apartment.
I was right to worry. As soon as I arrived back at the apartment, I found her lying in bed in the same pajamas she had on when I left. It wasn’t pretty. I forced her into the shower and then escorted her back to bed, turning off the light before shutting the door.
The worst was a couple of weeks ago when Kaeleb and I sat her down and attempted to force a very unrehearsed, spur-of-the-moment intervention. She sat slumped on the couch, picking the last bit of paint off her usually perfectly painted toenails while Kaeleb shouted at her from the floor. His frustration with her health had become completely unmanageable.
And rightfully so.
The areas underneath her collarbones jetted out from her shoulders as she hugged her knees, completely unfazed as Kaeleb continued his ranting. The dark purple shadows under her eyes were a stark contrast against the paleness of her normally radiant skin. I was surprised she had enough energy to make it into the living room. I said nothing, but Kaeleb begged her to eat something—anything.
My throat swelled shut with the sound of his pleading voice, and tears rolled down my cheeks as he spoke. Eventually, he reached his boiling point at her obvious disinterest, swiping everything off the kitchen island before bursting out the front door. But there was no reaction from her as she remained stagnant on the couch. After Kaeleb’s heated departure, her only words were, “We done here?” before heading back to her room.
So imagine my surprise when she up and decided to attend a family dinner during Parents Weekend. We had planned the outing for just Kaeleb, his grandparents, Linda and me, but when Quinn announced that she would be attending and asking her parents to come as well, my jaw hit the floor.
I couldn’t call Kaeleb fast enough to ask him to change the reservation.
He let out a long exhale. “Something’s not right.”
“Kaeleb, please,” I pleaded. He changed the reservation and then tersely informed me that he would pick us both up at seven.
And now, as she exits her room dressed in the navy dress I wore on my birthday, I bury the fear that accompanied Kaeleb’s initial reluctance as hope blossoms in my chest. I disregard the fact that the dress barely manages to stay on her shrunken frame. I ignore the sadness that still weighs on her expression. All my worry and frustration is replaced by budding optimism with the sight of her taking that first step back toward being human again.
When she smiles at me, I smile back, looping my arm into hers as we make our way to the front door.
“You ready?” I ask, grabbing my purse.
Walter whines from the kitchen, voicing his uncertainty with being locked inside a new crate.
Sorry buddy. No more shoes for you.
Quinn glances at him over her shoulder and then returns my stare. “Yeah. I’m ready.”
I eye her closely but push away the gnawing notion that her smile is off, that it’s one I don’t recognize because it’s a smile none-the-less, and that’s enough for me. We’re going to dinner as a family.
All of us.
Together.
The absolute high of that knowledge dulls any nagging feeling I may have about her state of mind.
After a quiet car ride, we finally enter the restaurant. I also choose to disregard the fact that Kaeleb has been unusually somber this evening. His only movements on the way here were to periodically check on Quinn in the rearview mirror.
The last to arrive, we make the introductions around the table. When Linda shakes Kaeleb’s hand across my body, she beams her approval at me and I can’t help but grin. She’s been bugging me to be formally reintroduced to him for months now and by the look on her face, I can tell she’s pleasantly surprised. Her smile widens after he pulls out my chair and with that one simple gesture, I know he has completely won her over.
“You look beautiful,” he whispers lightly against my ear as he seats himself next to me. “I’m sorry. I should have said that before. I’m just…I don’t know.” He glances to the other end of the table. “Something’s off with Quinn. I can feel it.”
“You think?” I ask, following his stare. “I mean, at least she’s making an effort. That has to count for something right?”
He shrugs, unfolding his napkin. “I guess we’ll see.”
His eyes meet mine and after another measured intake of my appearance, he adds, “Really, Bree. You look gorgeous.”
Glancing down, I appraise the off-white layered tunic and black leggings. My nose scrunches and I glance back at him.
“Really? I feel kind of underdressed.” He’s clad in a black, fitted, button-up dress shirt which is tucked neatly inside his charcoal dress pants. “You look like you’re actually attending a fancy dinner and I just look like I’m going to the movies.”
He chuckles lightly before facing me again. Tucking a strand of blonde hair behind my ear, he whispers, “Breathtaking.”
Backing away, he gives me a wink before picking up his menu and I just grin like a dope. My eyes find Linda’s filled with giddy excitement while her face is practically splitting in two. I shake my head at her and she giggles from behind her menu. Lifting it to shield us from the others at the table, she says, “I just can’t get over it, Aubrey. You look so happy.”
She exhales and reaches forward to take my hand into hers. “I know Christmas was a bit rough with me being sick and all, but I should have said it more. You are so lovely, Aubrey. Just beautiful.”
Her eyes glisten, and the moisture dances in the candlelight as she squeezes my hand. Releasing it, she lowers her menu with her eyes still on me. My throat constricts and I swallow, giving her a shy smile in return before collective laughter from across the table nabs my attention.
Kaeleb’s grandparents.
Having met them earlier in the day, I find it no surprise that he and his grandfather are already discussing the latest wave of politics. His grandmother catches my eye as she shakes her head and I’m forced to cover my mouth to hide my laughter. I fell in love with her the minute we met and I can’t wait to get to know her better over dinner.
Knowing that Kaeleb’s relationship with his parents is non-existent, I was happy to see them show up this year for the Parents Weekend festivities. Last year we all thought the idea to invite family was lame, so we didn’t, but this year it seems as though the need for family overruled our way-too-cool-for-that-shit mentality.
I think it’s nice that they’re here. It’s something we all seem to find comfort in.
Or at least I thought that was the case, but as my eyes dart down to raised voices, I find Quinn looking anything but comforted. A couple of servers have arrived, placing two heaping plates of fresh calamari at either end of our table, and I watch as Quinn’s mother loads a plate. She slides it in front of Quinn only to have it stubbornly shoved back in her direction.
Kaeleb’s head twists slowly in my direction and we exchange worried glances before looking back at Quinn and her parents. In a black pencil skirt, matching blazer, and chignon-styled hair, Quinn’s mother looks impeccable. But the frantic look on her face contradicts her collected appearance.
Her eyes break from Quinn and dart up to her equally immaculate husband. He sternly shakes his head before leaning into Quinn’s ear, muttering words that make her chin tremble. When he’s done with his reprimand, he relaxes back into his seat and casually sips his wine. I glance back to his wife, who’s watching Quinn’s reaction like a hawk.
Just when I thought Quinn couldn’t get any smaller, she folds so deeply into herself that she no longer seems to exist. Worried about her, I tense to stand, but Kaeleb places his hand on my knee. With his eyes trained on Quinn, he subtly shakes his head. I breathe and attempt to relax my leg muscles, but my jaw remains clenched as I continue to stare. Her mother places the plate back in front of Quinn, but when she presses it away again, I stop watching and turn to Linda who also eyes their exchange with uneasiness.
With nervous anxiety, my foot bounds repeatedly off the floor. Kaeleb squeezes my knee gently before tearing his attention away from the commotion and striking up conversation with his grandparents.
Things simmer down for a while until everyone’s main courses arrive, only to start up again.
And when it does, it ignites with a bang.
Quinn’s fork clatters loudly as she throws it onto the table in frustration. It bounces off the expensive china, drawing every single person’s attention within twenty feet. The murmurs of the restaurant die down as people drop their conversations and turn to our table. Her mother’s face reddens while her father gives a severe glare.
“Quinn, this childish behavior will not be tolerated,” he states, the power in his voice practically vibrating the table until the power of his palm lands flat against it, causing an actual quake. My body jumps in response and my heart rate picks up with the need to protect my friend.
I throw my napkin down and place my hands on the table, but Quinn’s tear-filled eyes hold mine as she shakes her head. Breaking away from me, she looks to Kaeleb and dips her head in apology before meeting her parents’ stares.
Deliberately, she dabs her mouth with her napkin—no idea why—and then sets it on the table, rising as she turns her focus solely on her mother.
“I’m extremely surprised, Mother, that my appearance seems to bother you so much. I mean, isn’t this what you wanted?” She breaks to display her body, “For me to be skinny and perfect? Yet, here I am, skinny and perfect, and it’s still not good enough for you?”
Her tone crescendos with each question until she’s practically screaming. Glaring at her mother, she says nothing else, but throws her napkin on the table, yanks her clutch off the table, and storms off toward the front entrance.
Her mother eyes dart around the table, but not out of anger or embarrassment. It’s almost as though she’s searching for an explanation.
“Get back here, young lady!” Quinn’s father bolts up and follows her, prompting her mother to do the same. My eyes are trained on them as they corner Quinn by the hostess stand and I watch with concern as she continues her rant. Her arms flail around wildly as she speaks to her parents, the ire in her features evident from clear across the room. When her mother tries to console her by wrapping her arm around Quinn’s shoulder, she forcefully shrugs it off and bursts through the front door. Her parents stare blankly at one another before scurrying after her.
Tearing my stare away from the turmoil, I glance back to Kaeleb whose troubled expression mirrors mine.
“Do you think she’s okay?” I ask under my breath.
Kaeleb’s jaw ticks as he deliberates my answer. “Not sure.”
He exhales and runs his fingers forcefully through his hair. “The weird thing is…it’s almost as though she provoked that fight. I watched her the entire time. She wanted something to go down tonight, I’m just not sure what.”
I nod in agreement. “Yeah, but maybe she just needed to get angry, you know? We both know that anything is better than the complete lack of it these past months.”
“Maybe…”
Kaeleb’s tone is uncertain, but as the servers arrive to refill our drinks, he masks his concern and smiles at the waitress.
Just as the drinks are poured, Quinn’s parents arrive back at the table. Her mother’s eyes are tear-filled and bloodshot, and her father’s expression is tightly drawn. Grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair, he looks directly at me. “Quinn has chosen to take a cab back to your apartment. Please have her call us in the morning.”
“Yes, sir,” I reply.
My tone is surprisingly gentle because as I take in the heartbreak demonstrated on their faces, my anger quickly subsides. I watch each remorseful tear that falls from her mother’s chin, and I realize that her actions were never to intentionally hurt Quinn. Continuing to hold her eyes, I silently hope for her sake that whatever damage she’s done, no matter how misguided those actions were, can be repaired. No one knows more than me how much unconditional love Quinn has to give, and as I watch her mother’s face contort with sorrow, I find myself saddened that she may never be on the receiving end of it.
The server arrives shortly after, and Quinn’s father pays the entire bill before both parents offer their apologies and leave the restaurant.
The remainder of dinner is relatively quiet, the awkwardness of the evening dwindling the conversation to nothing. Lost in concern for Quinn, Kaeleb and I eat our meals quickly, practically inhaling our food so we can get back to the apartment.
Everyone at the table must grasp our need to hurry because we’re given no grief as we bid Kaeleb’s grandparents a quick goodbye with the promise to call them tomorrow.
Shrugging on my coat, I glance up at Kaeleb who’s throwing his jacket on just as hastily. His worried eyes meet mine, but as they slowly drift over my shoulder, his hardened features relax into a soft, genuine smile.
“Hey!” Linda’s voice calls from behind me. I whirl around as she approaches, purse in hand. “Mind if I steal her for a bit, Kaeleb?”
His grin widens as he shakes his head. “Of course not. I’ll just head to the apartment and check on Quinn. Meet you there?” he asks, his question directed at me.
I nod in response and he leans into me, brushing his lips against mine. I breathe out a sigh of relief knowing she will be in good hands with Kaeleb there.
He gives me another tender kiss on the forehead before embracing Linda. Her face brightens and for the first time tonight, I notice how tired she looks. She mentioned working nights at the hospital a while back, and I immediately feel guilty for asking her to come. The day is already gone, and our dinner was a lost cause due to Quinn’s outburst. I feel like I’ve hardly had a chance to see her.
She hugs Kaeleb tightly and waggles her eyebrows at me over his shoulder, forcing me to cover my mouth as I stifle my laughter. Releasing Linda from his hold, Kaeleb turns and kisses my cheek tenderly. “I’ll walk you ladies out,” he offers, which earns me another approving grin from Linda.
After we arrive at her car, he opens Linda’s door, shutting her inside before rounding the front and opening mine. With his hip against the doorframe, he leisurely tucks a strand of hair behind my ear as his lips lift into a small smile. “See ya at the apartment, Sunshine. You’ll know where to find me.”
I give him a nod and slide into Linda’s car, painfully unaware that in just a couple of hours, Kaeleb McMadden wouldn’t be the person I’d be searching for.
It would be Aubrey Miller.