His shirt was a few years out of style, and he did not take care to polish his shoes that morning. He was not very tall, and his chin was not very sharp. His office was down the hall from Rina’s cubicle, and it was small, with only one window facing the building next to this one. The name tag outside the office said JIMMY KESNOW. By all signs he should have been just another one of the anonymous, ambitious, disappointed young men passing through the building every day.
But Jimmy was the most comfortable person Rina had ever seen. Wherever he was, he acted like he belonged. He was not loud and he did not talk fast, but conversations and crowds opened up places for him. He would say only a few words, but people would laugh and afterward feel a little wittier themselves. He would smile at people, and they would feel happier, more handsome, more beautiful. He popped in and out of his office all morning, managing to look purposeful and relaxed enough to stop and chat at the same time. Offices remained open after he had left, and their occupants felt no desire to close the doors.
Rina saw that the girl in the cubicle next to hers primped herself when she heard Jimmy’s voice coming down the hall.
It seemed difficult to even remember what life in the office was like before Jimmy.
Rina knew that young men like that did not stay in small offices with only one window facing an alley for very long. They moved into offices facing the harbor, or maybe on the next floor. Rina imagined that his soul was probably a silver spoon, effortlessly dazzling and desirable.
The Trial of Joan of Arc
“At night the soldiers and Joan slept together on the ground. When Joan took off her armor, we could see her breasts, which were beautiful. And yet never once did she awake in me carnal desires.
“Joan would become angry when the soldiers swore in her presence or spoke of the pleasures of the flesh. She always chased away the women who followed soldiers with her sword unless a soldier promised to marry such a woman.
“Joan’s purity came from her soul, which she always carried on her body whether she was riding into battle or getting ready to sleep for the night. This was a beech branch. Not far from Domrémy, her home village, there was an old beech tree called the Ladies’ Tree by a spring. Her soul came from that tree, for the branch gave off a smell that those who knew Joan in her childhood swore was the same smell given off by the spring by the Ladies’ Tree.
“Whoever came into Joan’s presence with a sinful thought would instantly have that flame extinguished by the influence of her soul. Thus, she remained pure, as I do swear to tell the truth, even though she would sometimes be naked as the rest of the soldiers.”
? ? ?
“Hey,” Jimmy said. “What’s your name?”
“Joan,” Rina said. She blushed and put her book down. “Rina, I meant.” Instead of looking at him she looked down at the half-eaten salad on her desk. She wondered if there was anything at the corners of her mouth. She thought about wiping her mouth with the napkin but decided that would draw too much attention.
“You know, I’ve been asking around the office all morning, and no one could tell me your name.”
Even though Rina already knew this was true, she felt a little sad, as if she had disappointed him. She shrugged.
“But now I know something no one else here knows,” Jimmy said, and sounded as if she had told him a wonderful secret.
Did they finally turn down the air-conditioning? Rina thought. It didn’t feel as cold as it usually did. She thought about taking off her sweater.
“Hey, Jimmy,” ?the girl in the cubicle next to Rina’s called out. “Come over here. Let me show you those pictures I was telling you about.”
“See you later,” Jimmy said, and smiled at her. She knew because she was looking up, looking into his face, which she realized could be handsome.
Legends of the Romans
Cicero was born with a pebble. Therefore, no one expected him to amount to much.
Cicero practiced public speaking with the pebble in his mouth. Sometimes he almost choked on it. He learned to use simple words and direct sentences. He learned to push his voice past the pebble in his mouth, to articulate, to speak clearly even when his tongue betrayed him.
He became the greatest orator of his age.
? ? ?
“You read a lot,” Jimmy said.
Rina nodded. Then she smiled at him.
“I’ve never seen eyes with your shade of blue,” Jimmy said, looking directly into her eyes. “It’s like the sea, but through a layer of ice.” He said this casually, as if he was talking about a vacation he had taken, a movie he had seen. This was why Rina knew he was being sincere, and she felt as if she had given him another secret, one she didn’t even know she had.
Neither of them said anything. This would usually be awkward. But Jimmy simply leaned against the wall of the cubicle, admiring the stack of books on Rina’s desk. He settled into the silence, relaxed into it. And so Rina felt content to let the silence go on.
“Oh, Catullus,” Jimmy said. He picked up one of the books. “Which poem is your favorite?”
Rina pondered this. It seemed too bold to say that it was “Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love.” It seemed too coy to say that it was “You ask me how many kisses.”
She agonized over the answer.
He waited, not hurrying her.
She couldn’t decide. She began to say something, anything, but nothing came out. A pebble was in her throat, an ice-cold pebble. She was angry with herself. She must have looked like such an idiot to him.
“Sorry,” Jimmy said. “Steve is waving at me to come to his office. I’ll catch up with you later.”
? ? ?
Amy was Rina’s roommate in college. She was the only person Rina ever pitied. Amy’s soul was a pack of cigarettes.
But Amy did not act like she wanted to be pitied. By the time Rina met her, Amy had less than half a pack left.
“What happened to the rest of them?” Rina was horrified. She could not imagine herself being so careless with her life.
Amy wanted Rina to go out with her at nights, to dance, to drink, and to meet boys. Rina kept on saying no.
“Do it for me,” Amy said. “You feel sorry for me, right? Well, I’m asking you to come with me, just once.”
Amy took Rina to a bar. Rina hugged her thermos to her the whole way. Amy pried it out of her hand, dropped Rina’s ice cube into a shot glass, and told the bartender to keep it chilled in the freezer.
Boys came up to try to pick them up. Rina ignored them. She was terrified. She wouldn’t take her eyes off the freezer.
“Try to act like you are having fun, will you?” Amy said.
The next time a boy came up to them, Amy took out one of her cigarettes.
“You see this?” she said to the boy, her eyes flashing in the glow from the neon lights behind the bar. “I’m going to start smoking it right now. If you can get my friend here to laugh before I finish it, I will go home with you tonight.”
“How about both of you come home with me tonight?”
“Sure,” Amy said. “Why not? You better get cracking, though.” She flicked her lighter and took a long drag on her cigarette. She threw her head back and blew the smoke high into the air.
“This is what I live for,” Amy whispered to Rina, her pupils unfocused, wild. “All life is an experiment.” Smoke drifted from her nostrils and made Rina cough.
Rina stared at Amy. Then she turned around to face the boy. She felt a little light-headed. The crooked nose on the boy’s face seemed funny and sad at the same time.
Amy’s soul was infectious.
“I’m jealous,” Amy said to Rina the next morning. “You have a very sexy laugh.” Rina smiled when she heard that.
Rina found the shot glass with her ice cube in the boy’s freezer. She took the shot glass home with her.
Still, that was the last time Rina agreed to go with Amy.
They lost touch after college. When Rina thought about Amy, she wished that her pack of cigarettes would magically refill itself.
? ? ?
Rina had been paying attention to the flow of paper out of the printers next to her. She knew that Jimmy was going to move to an office upstairs soon. She didn’t have a lot of time.