Chapter 8
3 Months Ago
Zack
I sat in prime position at the main table in the center of the hall, several others dotted around me. To my right sat Cade, and next to him, Gemma. I'd seen her a couple of times with Cade over the last few months, but never alone, and always briefly.
Despite it being my birthday, I felt awkward and uncomfortable. A feeling that used to plague me in my youth was once again bubbling up inside, that biting cold of living in Cade's shadow. His boxing career had recently been going from strength to strength, and the sight of Gemma on his arm was strangely upsetting for me to witness.
I hadn't spoken to him about her at all since he'd stumbled upon us as at dad's funeral, all except the odd comment from him about their burgeoning sex life. The thought gnawed at me like a rat.
He didn't know that I'd known her when I was younger, that we'd been close friends. I doubt she'd mentioned it either, given that he hadn't said anything. I had begun to wonder, as the days and weeks went by, why that was the case.
Now I sat there, my brothers all around me at the central table at our formal birthday dinner, and once more I felt the spotlight inexorably gravitating towards Cade. About a week ago he'd had yet another successful fight, and it was one of the hot topics of the night, everyone wanting to hear more about it.
They were also interested to hear about the girl sitting to his right and whether they were an item or not. He was coy about it, not wanting it to become public knowledge, and made that clear to anyone who asked.
During dinner I shared several glances with Gem, finding it hard not to look at her too often. We spoke the odd comment to each other, but mainly as part of a group conversation. It was weird pretending that I didn't know her when we'd spent so much time together before. I feared that after a few drinks something would slip out that would give the game away.
I don't know why it had grown into this secret anyway. Why hadn't she just told Cade the truth when they first starting dating? It would have made things so much easier, and we wouldn't have to put on this stupid front. It was eating away at me. I wanted to chat with her like we used to, reminisce about old times. But no, I was stuck with this f*cking weight on my back, probably looking like the moodiest f*ck ever. It was ridiculous.
As soon as dinner ended people began gravitating towards different tables and over towards the bar set up along the side of the hall. The lights went down and the music went up, the night beginning to descend into something more appropriate for a couple of young guys turning 23.
It was then that a girl called Tess came over and sat in the now spare seat beside me. I'd hooked up with this girl once or twice before and she seemed to get it into her head that I wanted more from her. She was a friend of my brother Kyle's new girlfriend, Alice, and went to a local college in the city.
She was already a bit drunk when she draped herself over my lap, much to the amusement of Cade and some of our friends, who were now standing in a large group near the table doing shots. I'd told Cade that this girl meant f*ck all to me, so he was laughing his ass off at my plight.
Well, plight might be too strong a work. This girl was pretty hot to be fair, just not my type. She was pretty and blonde, with a cute smile and raunchy personality, but she didn't physically do it for me.
She was too skinny, too tall. I liked my girls a good 6 inches shorter than me when in their heels, not right up at my eye level. I also liked girls with a curve to their hips and ass, and this girl had neither.
I glanced again at Gemma, who was now sitting talking to Alice at the other side of the table, and my eyes washed over her. She had the sort of shape I liked, the sort of features I liked, the sort of personality I liked. But then, I knew that already...I always had.
Her eyes found me, drawn by the laughter of Cade and his cronies, and she smiled lightly, her lips staying closed. Next to her, Alice noticed the sight of Tess draped over me and rolled her eyes, shaking her head. She was Tess' best friend, and I think she'd probably seen this all before.
I barely reciprocated when Tess stuck her tongue down my throat, the boys still ogling us over to the side. I pulled my face away from Tess' wandering tongue and shouted over towards them: “why don't you all f*ck off and stop staring!”
They laughed a bit more before turning their attention to the latest shiny object to distract them. F*cking neanderthals. Tess grabbed at my face again and carried on where she'd left off. I noticed Gem look away as she did, returning to her conversation with Alice.
I wish it was her on my lap instead.
….
The night was drawing on when I sought refuge from the clutches of Tess. That girl just didn't take no for an answer. I found myself looking for some quiet away from the noise and growing chaos of the party, heading off outside to get some fresh air.
I ventured down a corridor away from the hall and out onto a small garden to the back of the hotel. It was quiet and secluded, the beating thud of my party now only a blur in the distance. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it up, sucking the smoke in and exhaling deeply.
The night sky was clear that evening, the stars shining brightly as I puffed away on my smoke, filling the air with rings that drifted off and slowly disintegrated. I sat there for a few moments, alone, gathering my bearings, happy to be on my own.
I often got like this in group situations when Cade was around. It had always been the case: him stealing my thunder and putting me in the shade. He never did it on purpose, I don't think, he just had this more dominating personality. I guess, in that way, he was more like Crash, more like my father.
I sat back in the comfortable lounge chair, gazing up at the stars and trying to encircle them in rings of smoke, when suddenly I heard a voice behind me.
“You know, this is familiar.”
I sat up and turned around to see Gemma standing in the doorway, two champagne glasses in one hand and a bottle of Dom Perignon in the other.
She was smiling at me, her teeth shining in the moonlight, her beautifully curved figure silhouetted against the bright light down the corridor at her back.
She stepped forward and flicked the door closed with her foot.
“Familiar,” I said. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it's like how we first met,” she said, sitting down in a chair beside me and placing the glasses and bottle down on a patio table in front of us. “Only this time, it's you who ran away.”
I laughed lightly. “You noticed, huh?”
She nodded, still smiling. “You didn't look overly comfortable in there. I thought I'd come out and say 'happy birthday' alone.”
She leaned across and kissed me on the cheeks, her lips lightly brushing over my stubble.
“Happy birthday Zack,” she said, before leaning back and popping the cork on the bottle and pouring two frothing glasses.
“So what's going on,” she asked, handing me a full glass. “Why are you out here on your own on your birthday?”
I lifted the cigarette from my mouth. “Just came out for a smoke,” I lied. “Terrible habit, I know.”
“Yeah, you never used to smoke when I knew you.”
“Gem, we were, like, what, 15?”
“Yeah, loads of 15 year olds smoke!”
I scoffed. “Yeah, well, not where my dad sent me. I can tell you, no one smoked there.” My voice carried a bitter finish.
She put her hand to my arm in a consoling fashion, just as she used to when we were younger. “That bad huh?”
“No, it was OK really. I'd have rather stayed where I was though...”
“Same here.”
We both fell silent for a moment. I didn't want to talk, even think, about the reasons why I left. It was a period of my life I always regretted, wanted to forget.
“So,” I said, breaking the silence and changing the subject, “how are things going with golden gloves in there?”
“Golden gloves?” she laughed.
“Yeah, just a silly nickname dad used to call Cade when we were all younger. He said his gloves would bring gold, that he'd be champ one day. I guess maybe that's beginning to come true now. I hear you're a part of that.”
She was shaking her head as she answered. “Not really. Cade seems to think I'm some sort of lucky charm or something, that he's doing better because of me. I don't believe in any of that sort of stuff really. Has he always been like that?”
“What, mental?”
“Haha, yeah.”
“Pretty much. He's always had superstitions when it's come to his boxing. I think you're the latest fad.”
“Fad,” she huffed, “is that all I am!”
“No, no,” I said laughing, “I'm sure you're more than just a superstition to him.”
“Well I should hope so.”
We laughed for a while together and sipped on our drinks. It was the first time we'd talked properly, just the two of us, since she reappeared into my life.
“This is nice,” she said, slipping down into her chair and dragging her coat around her to protect her from the growing chill. “It's nice to talk to you again Zack.”
I lit up another cigarette and took a drag. “Yeah it is, it's been kinda weird pretending we don't know each other, right?”
She giggled. “Yeah, I guess that's my fault really. I should probably have just told Cade I knew you when I first realized who he was.”
“And why didn't you?”
She screwed her nose up. “I don't know really. I met him in the gym when he was boxing and thought he looked like you, only older. We talked for a bit and I asked if he had any brothers. He told me about all of you and then said your name. I think I just wanted to see what he was like, whether he was like you, without him knowing we were at school together.”
“Right.....that's pretty f*cked up Gem!” I joked. “You know, a normal person would have just come out and said, 'yeah, I know your twin, we knew each other in high school'. That might have made it a bit easier, you know.”
“Yeah, well, I had no idea I'd start seeing him did I! I mean, he obviously reminded me of you...and I liked it.”
She went quiet again and looked away from me and up to the stars.
“Anyway,” she said, still gazing to the heavens, “why weren't you at school together?”
“I dunno, our parents wanted us at different schools. I think they wanted us to grow up with our own sets of friends and our own lives, rather than just doing everything together like we did when we were little.”
“That must have been shit.”
“Yeah, not really. I actually wanted to go to school somewhere else.”
“How come?”
“Well, as you can probably tell Cade has this pretty dominating way about him. He casts a pretty big shadow. I guess I found myself walking in it a little bit.”
It was a bitter subject for me so I stopped talking.
“Well, that's not how you came across in high school. You were one of the most popular guys in class.”
“Yeah,” I grunted, “because he wasn't around.”
I bit my tongue. I didn't want my bitterness filling the air. It wasn't something anyone even knew about, least of all Cade. It was just the feeling I got of being one step behind him every step of the way. The fact that we were twins and were always being compared to each other made it all worse, what with Cade beginning to really shine in the ring.
And what was I doing? Just running one of the clubs that my dad had owned. He'd built loads of businesses in his time, with several clubs and bars, and the casino, and had put us in charge of overseeing them when we got to an appropriate age.
I'd been running the club for the last couple of years, at one time with Cade alongside me. As his boxing got more serious, however, dad told him to focus solely on that, leaving the club in my hands.
I enjoyed the job and enjoyed the life, but I hadn't really achieved anything. I'd just been handed the keys to the place and told to run it, working for a while under the previous manager to learn the ropes before taking over. I hadn't build the business from scratch or achieved anything real. Not like Cade. He was making real splashes.
I turned my thoughts away from the matter and changed the subject, asking Gemma about her life and her job and everything in between.
She told me about her current role working for some lifestyle magazine and how it wasn't overly fulfilling. She spoke about her desire to be a real journalist, to work her way up towards one of the larger global magazines. She told me of her love of writing and investigation, and how she had an idea for a detective novel that she wanted to write.
I remembered how she loved to read and write as a young teenager, and was always amazed by her imagination and creativity. It was a side of me that was woefully underdeveloped. I couldn't imagine myself out of a wet paper bag.
It was the highlight of the night for me, sitting there talking to her under the stars, the gentle thud of music barely audible behind us. She was the only girl I'd ever had as a close friend, the only girl I'd be able to spend this much time with without sex coming into it.
The problem was, as the evening drew on and I watched her lips spout words, a deep longing began to develop inside me, one that had long been dormant. She had developed from a pretty teenager into a gorgeous young woman. All I wanted to do was pull her off her seat onto me and kiss her right there under the moon.
But no, I couldn't. I'd bottle those feelings up, keep them locked down inside me. She was with someone else now.
Once again, I was in Cade's shadow.