Chapter 4
6 Months Ago
Zack
My father's death had come so suddenly. He'd been murdered in cold blood in an hotel room, shot twice through the chest. The cops said it was a professional hit but had no suspects. The life my father had led, that list could have been fairly long.
I didn't have the closest relationship with him before he died. No, that position belonged to Crash, my oldest brother. He was in charge of the family's prized asset, Logan's Casino, and was being groomed to take over when dad decided he'd had enough and wanted to step back. I guess Crash would be taking the reigns earlier than he'd have thought.
It hit him hardest. And Kyle, he seemed to be stricken by the whole thing as well. Me though, I felt strangely detached from it all, less emotional than I'd have thought. I guess today would be the hardest test.
I stood now, in front of the grave, my four brothers to my side. We all had our heads bowed, looking down as the coffin was lowered into the grave. The rain came cascading lightly down upon our shoulders, jumping on the many black umbrellas around us. But none of us were covered; we were all getting slowly soaked. It seemed so inconsequential.
The priest spoke and Crash took a step forward, dropping a single rose down onto the coffin as it descended deeper into the earth. His words began to crack as he talked of our father, of his life, his successes, his love for his family.
I could see my brothers' heads drop further at his words, but couldn't tell if any were shedding tears, not in the rain. If we were, it wasn't something any of us would want people to see, even on a day like this.
Crash finished speaking and stepped back, and I stepped forward with my other brothers and dropped my own rose onto the coffin. We each whispered a few words to him. All I could muster was I'LL MISS YOU FATHER.
We stepped back and others moved forward, dropping more flowers into the grave, filling it with color and life. It contrasted so heavily with the grey and sombre setting.
There were many people there, all gathered to pay their respects. My father had touched many lives during his own, for good, and for bad.
Gradually people began to disperse and move off towards the wake. Soon there was no one left, just the five of us, standing in a line, looking down into the grave as the rain continued to soak through our black suits.
I felt a growing feeling of grief as I stood there. My father had always been there for me, always putting his family first. He'd set me up for life, put me in charge of one of his businesses, gave me the chance to lead a life full of success and happiness. He'd had so many demands on his time and so many responsibilities that my personal time with him had been short. But I loved him, and he'd been taken away from me, from all of us. Just like my mother.
And now it was just us, just the five of us, a ship without a rudder. It would be down to Crash to try to steer us as best he could.
Without a word Crash was the first to move, turning around and slowly moving off through the graveyard. We all followed, stepping after him towards the cars waiting on the road. Others were still around us, climbing into black cars lined along the path.
I glanced over the faces, many of which I knew. Friends of the family, business associates of my father I'd been introduced to in the past, extended family members who'd come from far and wide to pay their final respects.
Then there was a face I thought I knew, a face from the past. The face of a girl I'd known long ago, a girl I'd never forgotten. It couldn't be her. Why would she be here? And before I knew it, she was inside a car and gone.
….
I sat alone in a bathroom during the wake, the loud chattering of conversation filling the air next door and through the house. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, happy for the moment of quiet. We'd only just arrived from the funeral service and I wanted a few moments of peace before talking to everyone.
The door handle turned suddenly and I heard somebody push against it. I looked up quickly.
“Someone's in here, sorry. Give me five minutes,” I said.
“Is that you in there Zack?” I thought I recognized the voice through the door but it was too muffled to be sure.
I stood and walked towards it, turning the lock. The door opened and my breath dropped.
“Gemma, is that you?!”
My wide smile betrayed the fact that it was my dad's funeral. I couldn't help it.
She smiled big herself, rushing in and giving me a hug, her arms squeezing tight around me.
“What the hell are you doing here?!” I asked, completely and utterly shocked to see her. Shocked, but delighted.
Her smile dampened slightly on her face. “Well, it's kinda weird, I'm here with Cade.”
My heart dropped. “Cade?”
“Um, yeah, we're kind of seeing each other now.”
I took a slight step back, unable to hide my disappointment. Cade? What the hell was she doing here with him?
“Oh, OK.”
“It's so good to see you though Zack, it's been so long.” She dragged me in and hugged me again. I felt a longing I hadn't felt in years.
“So, how exactly did you and Cade meet? Did you think it was me or something?” I laughed. It probably sounded like an awkward laugh.
“Um, well it was only a couple of months ago. It did flash through my head that it was you, yeah, but then he told me his name. I had no idea you had a twin! I've been dying to see you again ever since I met Cade, but haven't had the chance with everything that's been going on.”
I guess she must have been referring to the horrific murder of my father by the drop in tone of her voice.
“So why didn't you ever tell me?! How come you never mentioned you had a twin brother!”
“I dunno, I guess it never came up.”
“Never came up! How could you leave something like that out. You told me about your other brothers as I recall.”
“Did I? I can't remember, it was so long ago now.”
Actually, I could remember, and I knew exactly why I didn't mention Cade. He was my twin brother and I loved him, more than anyone else in the world, but I always felt I trailed in his shadow. He was always the more sporty one, the more intelligent one, the twin that dad favored. When we were sent to different high schools, I put on a front of being upset like he was: upset to be parted, upset to not see each other at school every day. In reality, I was delighted to step away from his shadow and out into the light where I could be just me, not Cade Logan's twin brother.
Gemma shook her head and smiled at me in confusion. I hadn't seen her for years and yet it felt like I'd seen her just yesterday. We'd only been kids when we knew each other, now we were adults, and she was gorgeous.
Even dressed in black, with a large hat covering her gorgeous brown hair, she looked stunning, her face pale and lightly made-up. I remembered how naturally beautiful she was at school, how the other girls started wearing make-up but she never did. Still, she always looked prettier than the rest.
I'd met her on a summer trip before starting high school. I remembered the first time I'd really seen her, up on that stage, a bag of nerves, forced to introduce herself to everyone. She'd disappeared a little while after, and I'd found her down at the lake. We clicked immediately, and even shared our first kiss that night in the water under the stars.
We grew close during that year as freshmen, spending lots of time together outside of class. But we were only ever friends. I knew she was too young and innocent for anything more, even though I began to want to take things further as we moved into our sophomore year.
I never got the chance. Not after what happened. Not after I was ripped from the school and sent to board in another part of the state. I guess it was my fault, but I never saw Gemma again after that.
It was shortly after the death of my mother, and I'd gone slightly off the rails. She was killed in a car crash, and it destroyed me. I started acting out, causing problems in class, neglecting my studies and getting into constant trouble. I was put on probation and given a last warning.
If you get into trouble again, you'll be expelled.
I didn't care, and it didn't stop me. When I stole a teachers car and crashed it into a tree it was the last straw. My father was furious, not only because I was expelled but because I'd stolen and crashed a car. My mom had died in just the same way, but it wasn't her fault. This was my fault, and I knew it. He said I was reckless and was putting the family through even more pain, that I needed more discipline and direction in my life.
I was sent away.
My phone was taken from me. I wanted to contact Gemma but couldn't. I tried sending letters but never got a reply. I guess I always resented that a little bit. Maybe she, like everyone else, was sick of me too.
She looked at me now with bright eyes, full of happiness at seeing me again. Yet there were also questions behind them, things she wanted to ask me, things she wanted to say.
Her voice broke the short silence, the noise of the gathering outside the door just a blur in my head.
“I tried calling you, Zack, after everything, but never heard back. What exactly happened back in high school?”
I sat down on the side of the bathtub once more and she followed, sitting down beside me, just like when we first met, when we first spoke together.
“You know what happened,” I said, not wanting to bring up memories of the past, of my mothers death. I didn't want to face those as well right now, not on a day like this.
“Yeah, I know you were expelled, but why didn't you stay in contact with me? You said you would. You just, I don't know, vanished.”
“My dad took away my phone Gem. Trust me, I wanted to call you, but I couldn't. This school I was sent to, it was ridiculously strict. I couldn't even get to a payphone. I tried writing, but...” my voice dropped as I spoke, “...but I never heard back from you. I just figured that you didn't want me in your life anymore.”
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “You sent letters?”
“Yeah,” I said quickly, “I sent a few.”
She shook her head. “I knew it. Stupid damn parents, interfering in my life. They must have hidden them from me. They really didn't want me spending any time with you after everything that happened.”
I hung my head slightly in shame, the thoughts of my reckless youth now infiltrating my already vulnerable mind. Today wasn't the day.
“So you didn't just ignore them?” I said. That was some consolation. “I thought you'd had enough of me?”
She grabbed my hand and looked at me through welling eyes. “I'd never do that Zack. You were my best....friend.”
I lifted my hand to catch a tear rolling down her cheek. Her skin was soft against my fingers, clear and unblemished. Like the first time I met her, I felt an urge to kiss her, to hug her tight. But no, I couldn't. Now she was Cade's. It was the story of my life.
I heard the door open suddenly and snatched my hand back away from Gemma's face. We both turned to see Cade appear in the doorway.
His eyes scanned quickly over the scene. It must have looked odd, but innocent enough, the two of us just sitting and chatting on the edge of the tub.
“Ah, I see you two have met! Gem, as you can probably tell, Zack is my twin!”
She smiled and stood suddenly, moving in towards him. He leaned in and gave her a kiss.
“Yeah, you boys are the spitting image of each other! Without that dyed hair, Cade, I'd never be able to tell you apart!”
She spoke quickly, almost nervously, trying to cover things up.
I caught the expression on her face, like a deer caught in the headlights. She made no mention of the fact that we knew each other, speaking as if she'd just met me. I followed suit.
“Yeah bro,” I said, standing up, putting on a front, “you should have seen her face when she came in. Hilarious.”
I stood and started towards the door.
“Look, I've been in here too long. I'd better get out there and start mingling. I'll leave you two alone.”
I walked past as Cade kissed Gemma again, her eyes watching me leave before closing. The sight made my stomach turn. Of all people, why Cade.
Why f*cking Cade.