“And the fact that nothing is wrong with me?”
“I think we both know that’s not true,” he said, looking back across at the island. “Look, in the last ten years, you’ve never taken leave.”
“And?”
“And you’re exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted. So on that basis, the paperwork’s been done. You just have to sign it.”
“I’m not coming back.”
“Not now. But this gives you a year to think it over—longer if you need it. We can extend up to five. Pay, benefits, and easy reentry when you’re ready.”
“I already have a job.” I motioned to my shirt.
“Not one where you make the kind of difference that you do with us. You’re family, Gentry, and you’ll always be welcome. Signing those papers to accept doesn’t promise you’ll come back, it simply gives you the option, which you’re about to lose when your terminal leave ends. Or you sign the declination, and this offer dies immediately.” He stood and took a few steps forward, his eyes on the island. “He really was one of the best, wasn’t he?”
“He was the best of us.”
Donahue turned and walked by me, pausing to put his hand on my shoulder. “The papers are at the special ops center outside of Denver. I emailed you the info for the exact office about an hour ago.”
“What? Didn’t want to leave them here?”
“I figured if I left them here, you’d burn them before you considered what I’m trying to offer.”
I hated that he was right.
“It’s good to see you, Gentry. Rest up. Do what you can for Mac’s family, and when you’re done with his mission, come home.” He handed me Ryan’s letter and left without another word.
There was a flicker in my soul—the restlessness that had lain dormant for a couple of weeks coming back to life. The need to focus on one mission at a time and move on. His offer was temptation, and I couldn’t afford it, not when Ella needed me.
I threw together a bag for me and one for Havoc after checking my email to find the address. Best part of my current job was being on call only, not scheduled, and that didn’t officially start for another week anyway. If I left within the hour, I could be in Denver by ten or so, if the six hours it had taken me to get here was the usual time. In seven hours I could sign the declination and put an end to any thought of taking Donahue up on his offer. Besides, maybe the trip would cure that little bite of restlessness that had her teeth in me.
Twenty minutes later I walked into the main house, Havoc at my side.
“Mr. Gentry!” Hailey said, perking up as I walked toward her. She batted her lashes and leaned forward. “What can I do for you?”
She was exactly the kind of girl Mac would have gone for. Funny, gregarious, pretty, and interested.
But I was only Ella’s—even if she didn’t know it.
Be nice. Be civil. Use a softer tone. I repeated the reminders in my head, determined to make an effort with the people who mattered to Ella.
“I’m headed to Denver for a few days and just wanted to make sure you knew before I took off.”
“Oh, of course—” The phone rang, and she answered, holding up her finger at me. “Solitude, this is Hailey. Oh, hey, Ella. What?”
Now it was me leaning on the counter.
“Well, do you have to have it? Of course, I realize that. I just meant I could overnight it…”
“What is it?” I asked.
“She left Maisie’s big binder in the office,” she whispered, covering the receiver.
“Her medical one?” That was one thing Ella had at every appointment. It kept every record of her treatments, every written lab result…everything.
Hailey nodded. “I know, Ella, just let me see what I can do…”
I snatched the phone out of Hailey’s hand. “I’ll bring it to you. Have Hailey text me your room number at the hospital.” Before she could argue, I handed the phone back to Hailey. Turning toward the door, I saw Ada coming from the office with the binder in her outstretched hands.
“I heard. She’d just stopped in for a second this morning and left it behind.”
“I’ll take care of it,” I told her.
“I know you will,” she said. “Do you want us to keep Havoc for you?”
My first impulse was a hearty “hell no.” But then Colt’s head popped out of the dining area.
“Havoc!” He raced forward and dropped to his knees to hug her, and she laid her head on his shoulder. “Please? Can we? She can sleep in my bed and everything. I’ll throw her toy and feed her, I promise!”
“She goes where I go,” I said to Ada.
“Not to the hospital. I know she’s a working dog, but they’ll let only service dogs in.” Her eyes echoed her plea. “Mr. Gentry, Ella wouldn’t let me go with her. Or Larry. And I know about…Ryan’s letter and all.” She glanced at Colt and back to me. “And I wouldn’t want Havoc cooped up in a hotel if you were to…say, stay for the duration of the surgery tomorrow.”
She was calling me out, no doubt. But she had no clue how badly I wanted to be there for Ella, or how hard it would be to leave Havoc.
A litany of swear words ran through my head, none of them adequate to express my conflicted feelings. Havoc would be safe here and cared for. It wasn’t like we hadn’t spent a weekend apart before. When we weren’t deployed she was kenneled with all the other working dogs as per regulation, but she’d been with me every deployment and every moment since Mac had died.
But Ada was right, and Ella was going to be alone.
I took a deep breath and dropped down to look Colt in the eyes. “You have school tomorrow?”
He shook his head slowly. “Teacher day or something.”
“Teacher work day,” Ada corrected.
I nodded and rubbed my hand across his spiky hair growth. “Okay. Then you are in charge of her. Okay? Her bag is in the truck, and it has her food and favorite stuff.” The more I explained how to care for her, the brighter his eyes became, until the kid was pretty much a Care Bear for all the joy he was emanating.
She’d be in good hands.
I got her bag and took it back to Colt, then dropped to my knees in front of Havoc, took her face in my hands, and looked into her eyes. “Stay with Colt. Be nice.” I added that little extra order so she knew I meant only stay and not protect. Teeth came out otherwise. But this was her choice, and if she showed any hesitation, she couldn’t stay—she’d have to leave with me. It was the very reason we were retiring together.
Her head swiveled to look at Colt, indicating she understood not only the command but who he was.
“I’ll be back in a few days. Stay. With. Colt. Be. Nice.”
I let her head go, and she immediately trotted over to the boy.
“Good girl.” Equal parts of relief and worry hit me right in the gut.
“It wouldn’t be a good idea to separate them,” I warned Ada.
“Will she bite?” she whispered.
“No. Not unless someone messes with him. If that happens, God help the person, because she’ll only release a bite at my command. You still sure you want to keep her?”
“Absolutely.” She wiped her hands across her crisp, spotless apron.
“Let’s go, Havoc!” Colt said, racing out the side door of the house, her Kong in his little hands. She trotted with him, tail wagging.
Ada tilted her head. “It’s funny…”
“What?”
“She looks like such a docile little thing. You’d never guess she’d be capable of ripping someone apart.”
“She’s like any other woman in that regard, ma’am.”
Five minutes later I was driving toward Ella and Maisie, finally able to do the one thing I’d been sent here to do: help.
Chapter Ten
Beckett
Letter #2
Chaos,
I’m so glad you wrote back! First off, happy birthday, even though I know you’re getting this weeks later. Looking at the dates on your envelopes, it’s taking about four or five days for mail to reach me, which is crazy fast. I remember when it used to take six weeks.