Annie cleared her throat. “Thank you.”
We sat down then, and I didn’t know what to say. This was my opportunity to apologize for my mother, and I wanted it to be perfect. I scanned the menu for a minute, and then the waitress came to take our order. Once she was gone, I leaned across the table and placed my hand over Annie’s. Her skin was soft and warm, so lovely. I missed the feel of her. My body practically hummed with the need to touch her everywhere all at once.
“I’m only letting you keep your hand there for the cameras,” Annie said quietly, dragging her teeth anxiously across her lower lip. I ducked my head to catch her eyes.
“How are you feeling, love?”
For a second, she seemed taken aback by the tenderness in my voice. If she thought I was pissed at her for staying away, for not answering my calls, then she was dead wrong. I could never be angry at her. I was too infatuated to be angry.
“I’m okay. Busy with work and all,” she answered and reached for her glass of water to take a sip.
“And Kurt, right?”
I knew I wasn’t imagining things when I saw her wince. “I think we both know I’m not interested in Kurt.”
I squeezed her hand in silent thanks, knowing it took a lot for her to say that, to give me that small consolation. Then I let out a long breath. “I need to apologize for my mother’s behavior,” I said and began rubbing my thumb across her skin. “She was way out of line talking to you like she did. I’ve already set her straight, and she’s sorry. She wants to apologize in person, too….”
“I’d rather she didn’t.” Annie lifted her eyes to mine and stared at me for a long moment; I felt and saw something like steel, a stern resolve in her expression as she continued, “I don’t wish to be rude, but your mother is…well, I don’t believe it’s possible for us to reach any kind of friendly understanding. I have a hard time being around people like her. I’ve organized my life to avoid confrontations, and I have no desire to meet or see her again. Anyway, it was probably for the best, what she said. It helped me realize that what’s been going on between us could never work.”
I opened my mouth to disagree with her, but she held up her hand.
“P-please, just let me speak. The real issue isn’t what your mother said or whether it is true. The point is that we come from entirely different worlds. I mean, I don’t mind being your temporary fake girlfriend for a couple of weeks, but I couldn’t handle it forever. I don’t know what I was thinking. I need to return to normality eventually. Everyday encounters with people are difficult for me. I wouldn’t survive living in the spotlight. I’m not strong like you. I thrive on anonymity.”
I tightened my grip on her hand, my voice laced with emotion. “Don’t do this. How often do people find a connection like we have? I’ll protect you. I’ll keep the press away. Hell, I’ll even give up playing rugby if it means we can be together.”
Her lips parted, and she blinked at me in surprise. I’d startled her. It took her a moment to recover, and when she did I could see that I’d rattled her cage. “Y-you love what you do. I would never ask you to give it up.”
“Just because I’m not playing professionally doesn’t mean I can’t play at all. Anyway, I’m getting old. I’m almost at retirement age now, you know,” I joked and mustered a smile. “Please, Annie, just give us a chance.”
“It’s better this way.” Her eyes cut to the table, and she shook her head as though convincing herself. “At least if we go no further, then we’ll never know what we’re missing. We avoid the pain.”
I flattened my mouth, my tone turning serious. “I know what I’m missing, Annie. You are singular to me, exceptional. You’re brilliant and adorable and so fucking real. I care about you. And I haven’t been able to get the taste of you, the feel of you, out of my head since we first kissed.”
Shakily, she withdrew her hand and put it on her lap under the table. She closed her eyes for a second, obviously mustering the courage to say something. The moment was broken when the waitress arrived with our food. Unsurprisingly, I had no appetite whatsoever.
Annie dug into her sandwich, not meeting my eyes. I took the opportunity to study her. God, she was so beautiful that it was almost a physical sort of torture not to reach out and kiss her. There was something extremely closed off about her today; and disappointingly, I knew a breakthrough wasn’t on the cards, so I decided to let it go for now. I needed to just be content to be spending time with her. Leaning back in my chair, I nudged her foot with mine to get her attention then asked, “Has Joan told you about Dublin?”
She nodded but didn’t speak, chewing on a bite of sandwich.
“Are you going to come?”
Again, all I got was a nod, but it filled my chest with relief. All I needed was this opportunity to get to her, convince her to let her walls down. Once we got to Dublin, I’d have to pull out all the stops.
She gave me a sad look then, her deep brown eyes downturned. Obviously, spending time with me was painful for her. She wanted me, but she wasn’t going to let herself have me. Her look was like a punch to the gut. I hooked both my feet around hers legs and drew her thighs between mine under the table.
“Hey, I’ll behave on this trip. I promise. You don’t have to worry.” Lies. Lies. Lies.
She swallowed, breathing sharply. “Thank you.”
For the rest of the meal, I kept her legs between mine, but she didn’t tell me to stop. She craved the closeness just as much as I did. We ate in quiet companionship, and then too soon we were saying our goodbyes. I didn’t want to let her go.
Therefore, before I could think too much about it, I pulled her against me and brushed my mouth against hers, just a soft touching of lips, really, a whisper of something. In comparison to our previous kisses, it was extremely tame. But when I leaned away, my eyes hungry for her reaction, I wasn’t disappointed.
Annie stared up at me, her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright, and her hands white-knuckled fists gripping the front of my shirt. It took her a moment to realize that my hold was undemanding, that I’d basically let her go. Remembering herself, she stepped away, gathering an unsteady breath.
She hesitated.
I waited.
Then she shook her head and walked away.
I watched her go for as long as she was still in view, until she’d turned the corner. It was only Monday, and I couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing her until Thursday. Life was going to be agony.
***
Life was agony, and I was verging on pitiful.
I filled the days with workouts and spent the rest of my time with Lucy. There was still a bit of a frosty atmosphere between Ma and me. Lucy was completely taken with New York, her blue eyes alight with wonder at every new thing she saw. She even proclaimed that she was going to live here one day, ever the dreamer. But I had no doubt she’d make it happen.
She went out of her way to cheer me up, every evening presenting me with new gifts like ties and aftershave and novelty socks. When Thursday morning finally came around, Annie texted me saying she’d meet me at the departure gate. I was disappointed because I’d been hoping to share a cab with her to the airport. I said goodbye to Ma and Lucy, who both had one more day in New York before their flight home, then made my way to JFK. It felt like it took forever to get through security, and when I finally did, I spotted Annie sitting by a window watching planes take off and land out on the runway. She was holding a steaming paper coffee cup in both hands, her ever-present mobile phone sitting on her lap.
She was chewing on her lip when she saw me coming. Not even waiting for me to say hello, she blurted out, “I’ve never been on a plane before.”