‘No!’ Mark said, shooting out a hand. ‘I mean, this place! It’s awesome! It’s just … I mean … I thought living in the middle of nowhere … It sounded like Alcatraz or something. I could never get my head round it. But this place …’
Joel half-smiled. The Rock was perched at the very northern tip of the Endless Beach, and they were walking down it, slowly. He still felt a little fragile.
‘It’s not always like this,’ he said, as two tiny puffs of cloud chased each other across the sky, and the water lapped far up the beach. It was high tide, and it was as if someone had filled up a bath between Mure and the mainland.
‘I mean it’s just … it’s just so … clean. So pure. Look at the water!’
Joel nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘I can see … I can see why … Shoot, is that a heron?’
Joel let him walk on some more.
‘Joel. Forget me being your friend. I’m not your friend right now, you have to understand that?’
Joel looked up and sighed. ‘I just need sleep.’
‘You need a lot of things.’ Mark glanced around. ‘This is better than any yoga class I’ve ever been to,’ he said, mostly to himself. ‘I have to bring Marsha out here. She thinks she’ll evaporate if she ever leaves the island of Manhattan, but I think this would surprise her.’
‘So, what’s going to happen?’ said Joel.
Mark sighed, and took his glasses off for a moment. His eyes were light brown: clever and penetrating. He looked much more direct and sharp without the spectacles, which gave him a distracted professorial air. Joel wondered briefly how much he really needed them, or how much they let him set up a barrier of professional affability.
‘Well,’ said Mark. ‘That’s really up to you, isn’t it?’
‘Saif thinks I had a nervous breakdown.’
‘I agree with him.’
Joel blinked. ‘That’s … Professionally I had some bad news.’
‘Well, that will happen,’ said Mark. ‘Most people develop some resilience to that kind of thing.’
Joel nodded. ‘You also made a series of major life changes.’
‘I move about a lot.’
‘And this move was meant to be the opposite of that.’ Mark looked at him carefully. ‘This isn’t a placement, Joel. You’re not being judged on whether you can stay.’
Joel halted. ‘Of course I fucking am,’ he said. ‘By every single last person here. Who don’t think I’m good enough for their local princess.’
‘Can you be?’
‘You want me to be better.’
‘I want you to get better,’ said Mark. ‘That’s not the same thing at all.’
They walked on again.
‘Is this what you want, Joel?’ said Mark. ‘Because until you’re sure and until you’re sorted, I don’t think you should be breaking that nice girl’s heart if you’re going to flee again.’
Joel sighed. Everything he had wanted Mure to be felt like it was falling down around his ears. ‘You think I should leave her alone …’
‘I just think you need a break from all distractions.’
‘Flora’s not a distraction.’
Mark didn’t answer that. ‘I think you just need some time to heal yourself first.’
Joel hated the neediness in his own voice as he said, ‘Will you stay?’
‘Everyone needs a holiday,’ said Mark, beaming as the harbour came into view. ‘Now, is there anywhere good to eat around here?’
‘Oh God,’ said Joel.
Chapter Forty-four
Almost imperceptibly, a routine developed. Joel was forced to stay in bed until late, even though he protested he was a poor sleeper. He’d be made to eat a huge breakfast, then he and Mark would play Scrabble or read quietly in the empty hotel, before taking huge long walks covering the length and breadth of the island via its many hidden byways and long quiet roads. Mark had bought a sturdy stick and a large straw hat and looked ridiculous but incredibly happy, and both men grew brown under the sun. He kept trying to persuade Marsha to come out, but she refused, pretending she didn’t want to leave Manhattan. In fact, Manhattan in summer was sticky and unpleasant, but she intuited that what the two men were doing together was incredibly important, and she wanted to give them every chance to get on with it by themselves.
Mark kept in touch with Flora – and spent plenty of money in the Seaside Kitchen – but kept her and Joel apart. Joel was either going to come round and face up to things, he figured, or he wasn’t, and he wanted to spare Flora as much pain as possible.
In fact, Flora was already in pain. She threw herself into where she knew she was needed: work. Annie’s Seaside Kitchen was in very real danger of going under, and Flora was trying to solve its money problems by working harder and longer hours. She wasn’t going to add to anyone else’s worries by discussing it, but it was constantly on her mind. The holiday crowd was in full swing now, and she spent all day feeding people freshly baked cakes and scones; pies and pasties; endless coffees and thank goodness it got hot enough for them to sell a lot of cold drinks, a major source of their mark-up. She also decided she needed something else to do; Lorna was incredibly busy with the school end of term, and everything had been so tough for everyone.
Then Fintan wanted an engagement party, and how could she deny them that?
‘Family rates,’ Fintan had said. ‘You’ll give most of the food for free. I don’t want it to look to Colton like we’d take advantage.’
Flora hadn’t answered that. She desperately needed to take advantage of Colton Rogers, but she saw Fintan’s point.
‘Everyone tries to rip him off,’ explained Fintan. ‘I want him to see … to realise … that’s not why.’ He blushed.
‘I know,’ said Flora, wincing slightly. But of course they could do it. Of course she could, couldn’t she?
‘To be honest,’ said Fintan, ‘I’ve hardly seen him since we got engaged. And he looks really worried all the time. Do you think he thinks he’s doing the wrong thing?’
‘I think all American men are completely and utterly fucking useless,’ said Flora, scattering flour to roll out dough. ‘Next question?’
Colton in fact had finally agreed to meet up with Joel, who was feeling awkward about the fact that he was still living at the Rock.
Colton was looking thin and drawn as Joel knocked and let himself in.
‘How are you?’ Colton said.
Joel shrugged. He was aware he was the topic of conversation on the island, but he felt insulated from it, somehow. And putting down his laptop and his phone (Mark had threatened to flush it) was also doing him the world of good.
‘How are you?’ he asked in return. He still couldn’t quite believe what Colton was planning.
Colton shrugged. ‘Who cares?’ he said. ‘It might amaze you to know that you managed to finish all the paperwork before you had your … little turn. I didn’t realise I’d hired such a sensitive flower.’
Joel blinked. He didn’t want to give Colton the satisfaction of showing him how awful he’d felt.
Colton shuffled his papers. ‘So, let’s cut the crap, Joel. This is happening whether you want it to or not. You’ve been with me this far. It’s practically finished. There’s no more work to be done … for now.’
Joel nodded.
‘But …’ Colton’s face suddenly looked uncharacteristically vulnerable. ‘I’d still like you to be my lawyer.’
There was a pause.
‘Come on, Joel. Someone has to do it. I’d rather it was someone I trusted. Completely.’
Joel looked up at that.
‘Please.’
Joel heaved a sigh. ‘I can’t … I can’t work much.’
‘That’s okay. Do a little bit as and when. Stay in the Rock. Eat a lot of cream. You know I don’t care about the expense.’
‘Thank you.’
‘No problem,’ said Colton. ‘All you have to do is back me.’
Joel closed his eyes. That was, indeed, a problem.
Chapter Forty-five