“And the world would have fallen apart around you, Jala, while you were wasting all of your energy on me.” Finn informed her sadly. “You don’t see the difference you are making, but I can. If not for you Arovan and Glis would already be gone. The Blights wouldn’t have a prayer and Symphony would have fallen from her throne already. I am not worth the entire world, Jala, and that’s what it would have cost to save me.” He pushed off the wall as he fell silent and scooted closer to her. Swallowing heavily he reached across and took her hands in his own.
She could see the tears in his eyes now and heard him sniffle lightly. It was the most pain she had ever seen him show, even when he had been dying he hadn’t cried. “You were to me.” She whispered and stared down at their joined hands. He still bore the wedding marks on his arm, but hers were gone. They had been lost with the creation of her new body. She stared at the twining metallic lines and felt something inside her crumble. Those marks on his arm should have shown her the lie the first time she stood before him. They were forged from the heart and couldn’t be manipulated by magic. The truth had been written on his flesh and she had been too blind to see it.
Finn smiled sadly and ran a thumb down the back of her hand before looking up at her face once more. “Jala, you will always hold a place in my heart, and I will do whatever I can to help you, but I won’t let you suffer for me. This should have been faced before now, but I didn’t have the courage for it. Just like everything else that is wrong in the world it had to be you to confront it. I lied to you, but I don’t regret it at all. Let go of the guilt. You have no reason to be guilty for anything. I can’t say that I’m happy, but I’m content. I don’t think I will ever be happy until I can scry on you and see you smiling. If I have to make you hate me for that to happen I will, Jala. If that’s what it takes for you to find peace with what has happened I will, but I’d rather you just face the fact that there was no other way this could have gone. We both made choices, and this is where it led us. We have to accept that.”
“I should have listened to Anthe’s warning. I should have left the city with you when you asked me to.” Jala murmured. The tears were fading and a cold numbness was settling over her.
“And spent the rest of your life regretting your actions. You would have carried the guilt of Merro then, Jala, and it would have been ten times worse the guilt you have now. Along that path our relationship probably would have ended in bitterness. Believe me I have put a lot of thought into this as well.” Finn replied softly.
“So you are saying we were doomed no matter what choices we made.” Jala asked bitterly.
“In a fashion I suppose. I don’t consider it doomed though. I see you as a savior just like everyone else does, Jala. You taught me how to be a hero rather than the butcher I was, and because of that I can face what I am now without any concerns. I know I’m making the right choices, because every time I pass a judgment a little voice in the back of my mind ponders what you would do in my place. If not for you, I would be walking in Seth’s footsteps, but because of you I know what to do to save him. At first I railed at how little time I was given with you, but I realize why now.” Finn’s voice was gentle as he spoke and she could tell how hard he was trying to keep his emotions under control as he spoke.
“Why?” Jala asked. The tightness in her throat was finally receding and for the first time in months she felt the guilt fading. The pain was still there, and she knew it would be for a very long while, but it was becoming something she could deal with. With every word Finn spoke he was easing her mind.
“Because as everything falls into place I am becoming a very big believer in destiny, and your destiny is so much broader than you realize, Jala.” He smiled ruefully and shrugged at her. “I am the only one who could do what I am doing right now, Jala, and you are the only one that can hold the world together until I’m finished. Something big is coming, and I don’t know what it is, but we are all pawns that are being shifted into place. We might not like the tile we are set upon, but if you look back at everything you will understand why we are where we are. I am in the Darklands to balance the souls and save Seth. Valor is with you to brace you when you stumble and keep Arovan tied to you. Neph is in Delvay to awaken the heroes there and if we all play the cards we have been dealt we will be ready to face whatever comes.”
“Veyetta.” Jala whispered and her gaze flicked to the shadows as she spoke. It was entirely unreasonable and she knew it. Vaze was the only Shadow mage left, and he was on her side, but after Neph’s warnings as well as Hemlock’s she couldn’t help but feel paranoid.
“Or something worse. The point I am making is if we are going to give Legacy your dream then we have to accept what we have and do everything we can to prepare. We are close now, Jala, but if we don’t continue we won’t have the strength to protect what you build.” Finn smiled at her again, and she felt her own fragile smile form in response.
“The hardest part of that plan is letting you go completely.” Jala admitted softly.
“Don’t let me go, Jala. Accept that there are different forms of love. I’ve had longer to adjust to that idea since time passes differently in the Darklands. I still love you, but I’ve set aside my need to be close to you. I knew it wasn’t possible so I faced it and accepted that you would always be on the other side, but it wouldn’t stop me from supporting you in every way I’m allowed. I am the Guardian and you are the angel, working together we can pull this off and save everyone that likely doesn’t deserve the effort or the suffering we are enduring on their behalf.” He squeezed her hands as he spoke and she felt her smile grow in response.
“The world is utter shit, Finn and I feel like the entire thing is sitting on my shoulders.” Jala returned with a heavy sigh but the bitterness was gone from her voice.