“My mother was a slave. She served as a whore to Avanti. He had a tendency of rewarding his men with the use of his harem, so I never knew Avanti was truly my father. It could have been half a dozen men in his service.” Seth began slowly. “When I was very young he rewarded one of his minor lords in that fashion, but the lord found interest in me rather than the women in the room. I typically served by fetching food and drinks for the girls, or changing sheets, whatever I could be told to do that I was capable of doing really. I had never been asked to serve anyone in this fashion though, and I ran and hid when the man approached me. The minor lord took offense, and in apology Lord Avanti gave me to him. My mother bid me to go, she pleaded with me to behave and serve him well. By the end of the first night I despised her for it. It never occurred to me that she was trying to save my life. All I could see was the fact that she had given me to someone who hurt me and made me feel worthless.” Seth paused and rubbed his eyes before letting out a heavy sigh. “I nurtured that hate for weeks. I directed it at everyone in the house. I hated them all and blamed them for allowing my torment. They didn’t speak up. They didn’t stop what was happening. So they were guilty. I killed them all right down to the guard dog. I punished every living soul in that house that had witnessed my humiliation.”
Finn nodded slowly and pulled a flask from his cloak pocket. He took a small sip before offering it to Seth who shook his head in response. He wasn’t really sure where Seth was going with his story, but he didn’t dare interrupt. Most of what he was being told he knew from examining the room Death had designed as penance for Seth, but this was the most he had ever heard Seth speak about his past. If he spoke now there was a chance the Assassin would fall silent, and that was the last thing he wanted. He needed Seth on his side once more. With every day that passed he became more convinced that Fiona’s loyalties were truly with War, and there was no one else in the Darklands he would consider giving even a fraction of trust to.
“They put me in the Arena for my crimes. Everyone expected I would be dead within a day given my age. When two years had passed and I still hadn’t died Avanti himself came to watch me fight. I’d earned a reputation in the pits by then for being bloodthirsty and it was very well deserved. I had to be kept separate from the other prisoners to keep me from slitting their throats for the slightest insult. I lived on hatred and blood. I think it sustained me more than the gruel they served for food. Avanti watched me for three fights before he took me once more into his service. The next fight he sent in my mother. He had her masked, but when she spoke to me I knew without a doubt who it was, and that she didn’t know the first thing about fighting. I gutted her and made sure she died slowly.” Seth paused again and met Finn’s eyes once more.
There was no sign of regret in his gaze and Finn found himself wondering if he had gotten through to the man at all in their last talk. It was possible he had misjudged Seth completely, but he didn’t think so. Too many things pointed toward Seth. There had to be a reason for that. No matter what Seth was saying Finn truly believed someone wanted the man redeemed. All of the signs were there. He just had to find a way to force Seth to accept it.
“Avanti had me trained after that and every time he needed a lesson taught, he sent me. I had learned about calling cards by then, and I adopted the crow feather as my own. I gathered one for every person I killed and left one on those that I assassinated. I leveled cities, villages, noble houses, whatever he sent me to eliminate I did. I killed right down to the household pets and the horses in the stables. By the time the second year had passed in his service I had my cloak finished and had earned the title of the most despised man in Immortal society, despite the fact that I wasn’t even fifteen yet. I justified it by every wrong that had ever been done to me and how no one had ever lifted a finger in my defense. In my eyes every person alive was corrupt, and their lives held no value to me because of that. Every man I killed was my former master and every woman was my mother. The children I was doing a favor. I killed them before they could suffer in life as I had.” Seth leaned back in his seat and folded his hands on the table. He shook his head slowly at Finn and let out a long sigh. “If you would have asked me if I loved Dashara when I first arrived here I would have sworn to ever god that I did, but after so much inner thought I realize I didn’t. In retrospect she was a possession. She was important to me because she was mine, but in honesty she was just another path of revenge, another way to hurt those that had caused me pain. I protected her and the children because they were mine, but my hatred for Hemlock revolves around the fact that I lost to him. I want to kill him, because he killed me not because he killed her. So in essence the only thing I have ever truly loved in my life is myself and the suffering of others.” Seth finished and stared down at the table with a frown.
“And now?” Finn prompted. He still wasn’t sure where Seth was going with his conversation, but the outlook wasn’t good, and he wasn’t about to let Seth leave it at that. He needed to know how far he could trust the man, and if Seth ever planned to serve again.
“And now you tell me that Fate has something grand in store for me and that I should be redeemed, but I have to object. I believe it’s something inside that makes a hero, Finn, and I don’t think I have it. Every choice I have ever made in life has been the darkest one. I am not the protector, I am the reason protection is needed. I have always been the villain, and I don’t think I have what it requires to be anything else. When I am pushed into a corner and forced into making a choice, my answer is written in blood.” Seth answered quietly and met Finn’s eyes once more. There was nothing but resignation on his face, and for the first time since Finn had met the man he looked defeated.
“So this is your surrender? This is you telling me you aren’t going to try for redemption anymore?” Finn pressed.