Vaginismus, as suffered by Tisis Malargos, is a real gynecological condition that can cause painful intercourse or the inability to experience intercourse at all due to involuntary muscle spasms. It is also little understood and too often surrounded by shame, jokes, or disbelief. One woman I know confessed to her (female!) gynecologist that she had been unable to consummate her marriage. The doctor told her it was her own fault for being a virgin, and it wouldn’t have been a problem if she’d been sexually active earlier, and offered no treatment suggestions other than, “Maybe get really drunk?” (Nope.) Another had her marriage end over this.
Among my early readers, there was a woman who couldn’t believe that this was a real condition and not some weird plot device. “A woman who can’t have sex? What’s that a metaphor for?” That ignorance, that secret grief, and that disbelief prompted this note, awkward though I feel to write it. If a twenty-first-century doctor specializing in women’s health can be unaware of this condition, I figured a couple of early seventeenth-century teens would be even more baffled—and hurt and angry and ashamed and afraid.
The great news is that vaginismus is very, very treatable. So if you or someone you love is affected by this, it’s not a joke. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s not just your issue, or her problem to fix; it’s a relationship hurdle that you can overcome together. Get help. Start with a web search, and talk to a doctor.