“What are you doing here?” she asked, looking completely shocked to see me at her door.
You know how you can just feel it when someone despises you? It emanates off of them? Well, that’s the vibe I was getting right now.
“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something,” I told her. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“I just put my daughter down for a nap.”
“Can I come in?”
Jasmine moved aside as I wiped my feet on the welcome mat.
“May I sit?”
She gestured to the couch, and I walked over and took a seat.
I rubbed my palms on my pants. “I never apologized for hurting you back in high school. And I feel like it’s long overdue.”
“Now?” Jasmine crossed her arms. “That’s really not necessary.”
“Maybe you don’t feel that it is, but it’s necessary for me.” Taking a breath in, I said, “I was a dick back then, with no regard for your feelings. I was going through a lot of shit, and even though that’s no excuse for my behavior, just know that my actions were in no way a reflection on you.”
She sighed. “I never took it personally, especially given the person you cheated on me with.” She rolled her eyes. “This apology is obviously not about me, though, is it? It’s about Aspyn.”
“Have you spoken to her?”
“Not since the holiday party I had before Christmas.”
For some reason, I’d feared Aspyn had called Jasmine to lament in the couple of days since I dropped that bomb on her. But I should’ve known better. Aspyn was private, and something told me that despite everything, she was still protecting my reputation.
“It’s important to me that you know I’m not toying with her feelings. I love her, Jasmine. You have every right to your opinion about me. But if you think I’m trying to take her for a ride, you’re wrong.”
I spent the next several minutes admitting to Jasmine why I’d lied to her about my mother when she and I dated, trying my best to explain my actions during high school. I ended with an explanation of the current situation.
“So, you don’t know if she’s going to forgive you?” Jasmine asked.
“I don’t. But I’d appreciate it if you can find it in your heart not to make things worse, if she talks to you about it. You’re entitled to your opinion about me. I’m just asking that you not feed her unsolicited advice based on your old, preconceived notions. None of those are true anymore. And no matter what you think, it doesn’t change the fact that I love her. Only I can know the truth about that.”
I heard crying from down the hall.
“I have to tend to her.” Jasmine stood up. “Look, I won’t interfere. And I respect you for coming over to apologize to me, even if it was only out of fear that I’d fuck things up for you. You’re right. I would’ve told her to ditch you otherwise. So I appreciate the explanation. And we won’t have a problem if you’re being genuine.”
She saw me to the door.
Before I walked away, I turned around. “Thank you, Jasmine. Truly.”
“Just for the record, I still think you’re a dick. And I always will. But if you don’t hurt her again, I won’t interfere.”
I cracked my first smile since arriving at her house. “I think we have a deal.”
? ? ?
When I pulled up to my father’s house a little while later, the last thing I expected was to see Aspyn outside.
I parked and rushed out of my car. “How long have you been waiting here?”
She pulled her brown peacoat closed. “About ten minutes. I know you went to see Jasmine. She called me after you left New Hope.”
“Yeah. I just got back from there. What are you doing, waiting out in the cold?”
Her teeth chattered. “The cold air calms my nerves for some reason.”
“What are you nervous about?” I waved my hand toward the door. “Come on. Let’s go in the house.”
As she stepped inside, she rubbed her hands together. “I’m surprised you went to see Jasmine.”
Her cheeks were rosy from the wind. I’d missed her so damn much.
“I had some things I needed to say,” I told her. “And I thought it would be nice if, after all these years, I finally apologized for treating her poorly. I know she’s skeptical about me, and I needed her to understand that my feelings for you are genuine and I’d greatly appreciate her not interfering.”
“I’m surprised you felt the urgent need to do that.”
“Well, I needed to do something productive while I was giving you space. I guess when something matters to someone as much as you matter to me, you want to make sure there’s nothing standing in your way. Although in this case, I realize the biggest thing standing in my way has been my own damn self.”
Her eyes traveled over me. “I thought I might hear from you over the past couple of days.”
“Really? I’ve been dying to contact you, but I thought you needed space to process what I unloaded.”
Aspyn looked down at her feet, and then back up at me. “I figured you might’ve been thinking that, which is why I decided to come over.”
I felt like my entire future was dependent on the next words to come out of her mouth. My heart felt ready to fly out of my chest.
“Do you know what the lifespan of a dragonfly is?” she asked.
My brows knitted. “No.”
“Five weeks or less. And some only last a few days. I was surprised to learn that.” She exhaled. “We’re not guaranteed any more than that ourselves, even though we go through life thinking we have all this time. I could spend the rest of my life angry at you for what you did—for yet another bad choice you made in high school.” She took a few steps toward me. “Or I can choose to forgive you.”
Hope filled me. “And?”
“I was the one who made the decision to cheat. Ultimately, I’m responsible for that, no matter what happened after. And you didn’t know the repercussions of ratting me out. Just like I didn’t know my going out drinking that night would lead to my sister and her boyfriend dying in a car accident.” Aspyn sucked in some air. “Holding grudges is a choice. I don’t want to hold this grudge. I’m choosing not to. I value this life too much to do that to myself or you. And I know in your heart you’re not that person anymore. No more than I’m the person who binge drinks and…keys cars.” She inched closer. “We’ve both made mistakes, mistakes with unintentionally serious consequences. But they happened. And holding onto them isn’t going to change anything.”
It finally felt safe to touch her. I held out my hand.