“We don’t have to go along with this, you know.”
“No. It’s fine.” I sighed. “We need to get this tree home. I owe it to Kiki after being so damn stubborn about not having one.”
Since I’d met them here, I followed my dad’s car back to my house. Troy’s Range Rover drove behind me with the tree affixed to the top. We were in separate cars, not speaking, yet the weight of everything unsaid felt overpowering. I had so many questions, but no words to articulate any of them.
It was only 5 PM, but it was already dark, and light snowflakes had begun to fall.
After we got to my place, Troy and my dad carried the tree inside, but to everyone’s dismay, it was indeed too tall to fit.
“What are we gonna do?” Kiki cried.
Troy turned to me. “You don’t happen to have a saw, do you?”
I shook my head.
My dad scratched his chin. “I’m not sure I have anything appropriate at home, either.”
“My father has every tool known to man,” Troy said. “Let me run home and get something to cut it down.”
Troy disappeared a few seconds later. This would definitely go down as one of the most bizarre Christmas Eves on record. As we waited for him to return, I decided to just roll with this, putting on some Christmas music and getting out stuff to make cookies with Kiki. My plan was to do everything in my power to pretend like the guy who’d broken my heart wasn’t about to come back here and cut our freaking tree.
About a half hour later, Troy returned with a mix of large knives and saws. From my spot in the kitchen, I couldn’t see whatever he was doing, but by the time Kiki and I returned to the living room, Troy had successfully trimmed the tree down. It didn’t even look that warped. The fresh, woody scent was all I could smell.
My parents and Kiki began pulling ornaments and tinsel out of the box I’d had in storage. Troy gathered the pieces of tree scattered around the living room.
Some time later, he found me in the kitchen.
“Who knew you were a lumberjack?” I teased.
“A lumberjackass is what you really want to say, right?”
I took a tray of cookies out of the oven. “Actually, that is more fitting.”
“Well, I think I can use those tree parts to put something together for my grandfather. I can throw them in a pot, tie them together somehow, and put some lights around it. At least he’ll have the fresh smell he wanted. And better than going back there empty-handed.”
“Is he not going to your dad’s tonight?”
“He’s coming over tomorrow. He wanted to stay at Horizons tonight with his friends because so many of them aren’t gonna be with their families. They’re having their own little party.”
“Yeah, I heard. That’s sweet.”
Troy looked down at a tag of some sort in his hands.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“It was hanging off the tree. It says Douglas fir. That’s the type of tree it is.” He paused. “My mother’s last name was Douglas. I’ve been thinking a lot about her today, so it shook me a little.”
“Wow,” I whispered.
The muffled sounds of my family in the next room seemed to fade as Troy moved closer and looked into my eyes. His gaze moved down to my lips, causing goosebumps to pepper my skin. And I never dreamed he would say what came out of his mouth next.
“I love you, Aspyn.”
I blinked. “What?”
His stare burned into mine. “I thought I could wait to tell you that. I wanted to get the tough conversation over with first, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I fucking love you, and at the very least, I need you to know that.”
“I don’t understand.” My chest heaved. “Why don’t you just say what you need to say?”
“I just did. The rest can wait until the day after Christmas. What I need you to understand as you go to sleep tonight is that I love you—and I have for some time. Pretty sure the day I stormed out of here in jealousy and took that long ride, I already knew it then.”
I shook my head. As much as I’d felt the same way about him, I couldn’t return the sentiment right now without understanding the full picture.
Kiki came running into the kitchen and over to the stovetop where the cookies were cooling.
“Troy, you want a cookie?”
It took a few seconds before he moved his eyes off of me and over to her. “I would love a cookie.”
“Aspyn can’t have one,” she said. “They have sugar.”
“Damn, I should’ve made her some of mine.” He winked.
Kiki took a bite out of the sugar cookie shaped like a gingerbread man. “On Christmas Eve, we get to have cookies before dinner.” She handed him one.
“Lucky girl.” Troy smiled.
“Are you staying for dinner?” she asked.
“Well, I have tree parts to get back to my granddad…” He looked over at me.
Despite my hesitation, I felt like I should at least offer him the opportunity to have dinner with us, given his hard work on the tree tonight.
“You should stay for dinner, if you want,” I said.
He placed his hand on my shoulder, sending shockwaves of awareness through me. “No. You enjoy your evening with your family. Just make some time for me the day after tomorrow, okay?”
Still feeling almost outside my own body after his proclamation of love, I accompanied him to the door and watched as he disappeared into the cold winter night.
Needless to say, I spent most of that Christmas Eve and the day after totally preoccupied. I couldn’t even look at the tree without thinking of Troy. His behavior had me completely baffled, but I couldn’t help but be buoyed by hope. He loves me. I just hoped our conversation would make all the other pieces fall into place.
Troy
Nervous was too mild a word to describe how I felt as I stood at Aspyn’s door the day after Christmas. My holiday had been filled with anticipatory anxiety. Nonno, my father, and I had eaten a nice dinner together yesterday, but while my body was there, my head wasn’t.
Aspyn had agreed to let me come over at noon. And when she opened the door, she was dressed up a bit more than usual for just hanging around the house. She wore a lavender sweater and short black skirt with leather boots up to her knees. She looked incredibly hot, but I couldn’t even allow myself to enjoy it until I knew the direction things would be heading today.
I wiped the snow off my feet before entering. “Thank you for making time for me. I assume Kiki is with your parents since it’s a Saturday?”
“Yeah. She’s not here, so we have privacy.” Aspyn headed toward the kitchen. “You want some coffee? I just brewed a new pot.”
“Sure.”
“Milk and sugar, right?”
“No, actually I’ve been drinking it black.”
“Really…”
“Yeah.” I smiled, neglecting to admit the sappy reason why.
Aspyn quietly prepared our coffees before handing me a mug.
“Should we sit?” I asked, feeling jittery.
She shook her head. “No. I’m too antsy to sit still. Just tell me what this is all about. I don’t understand anything that’s happened since you went to Seattle.”