“No. I just want to hold you without any prying eyes. Because I’m gonna miss you.”
Maybe I was reading into things too much again, but I wondered why he was going to miss me so much if he was coming back in a couple of weeks. I didn’t want to sound paranoid, so I didn’t ask. Instead, I let the question fester inside of me with all the other uncertainties floating around.
He took his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders, then used it to pull me to him. The warmth felt painfully good. In his arms, it was a lot harder to bury my emotions, and I felt them rising to the surface.
“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, you know that?” he whispered.
I didn’t say anything, afraid that if I uttered a word, my insecurities would come flooding out or I’d blurt a question I didn’t really want the answer to. I needed to trust that if this was meant to work out, it would. He’ll be back.
Troy pulled away and placed his hand on my chin, prompting me to look up at him. His smile faded, presumably because he saw the sadness in my eyes.
He leaned in and kissed my lips. It tasted bittersweet as the stubble on his chin scratched my face. I took a long breath of his scent, knowing it would be some time before I would smell it again.
My phone buzzed. I looked down to find a text from Nancy, asking where I was because the van was waiting.
“I have to go.”
Troy wrapped his hands around my face and planted one last kiss on my forehead.
“Let me know when you arrive safely,” I said.
“I will,” he whispered against my skin.
I removed his coat and handed it to him before walking back inside. Even though I wanted to cry again, I wouldn’t let myself.
Only time would tell if Troy was worth the tears.
Aspyn
Four weeks later, things hadn’t turned out the way I’d hoped.
It was now early December, and Troy’s supposed two-week trip back to Seattle had already lasted a month and counting. According to him, they’d given him a new project that required he stay out west a bit longer. That didn’t exactly make sense to me since he’d always told me he could work from anywhere.
We’d messaged back and forth, but he’d grown distant, opting to text rather than pick up the phone beyond a couple of calls when he first arrived. He kept saying work had him stressed and used that as the reason for his lack of communication. Since we couldn’t seem to talk about much of anything, I avoided asking him questions about the state of things between us. I mean, also, why should I have to ask? I’d made my stance clear. The ball was in his court now. He was the one who left, not me.
Rather than wallow in my sadness over Troy’s virtual disappearance from my life, I threw myself into my job and taking care of Kiki. Deep down, though, I felt empty. I just wasn’t willing to admit that to anyone, least of all Troy.
In my fantasy world, Troy would’ve rushed home the first opportunity he had, maybe even flown home for the weekend and insisted he didn’t want to live without me. But instead, he seemed pretty accepting of the fact that he’d have to stay out there a while. He never spoke of how hard it was to be away from me, and his silence sent me a loud and clear message—that things with us seemed to be out of sight, out of mind.
Perhaps the more time that passed, the more he discovered that what we had was just a phase, and he didn’t want to come back to Meadowbrook. I suppose the worst part of Troy’s silence was that it left me to draw my own conclusions. They may not have accurately described how he felt, but they suited my need to protect myself from getting hurt.
? ? ?
A couple more weeks passed, and before I knew it, the holiday season was in full swing. At least getting ready for Christmas—mostly shopping for Kiki—kept me busier than usual and my mind off of analyzing why Troy had stopped being a meaningful part of my life.
Jasmine had invited Kiki and me to a Christmas party she and Cole were throwing on a Saturday in mid-December. So, my niece and I bundled up and drove to New Hope. I wore a red turtleneck sweater dress that had little sparkles built into the material. Kiki dressed in a velour tartan plaid dress I’d recently bought her. She’d worn it for our yearly Christmas card picture.
I’d only seen Jasmine once since the awkward run-in at my house during the harvest festival, so this visit was long overdue. I’d decided to go to her house a little earlier in the afternoon to help her set up for her guests. I figured that would give us some time to catch up.
I was cutting vegetables for a veggie and dip plate while Jasmine rolled cold cut slices onto a platter. She’d poured us each a cup of Twinings Christmas tea. Kiki was in the next room playing with Hannah while Cole supervised.
“So, what’s the latest with you and Troy?” Jasmine finally asked.
I sighed and sliced into a carrot. “He’s actually back in Seattle.”
She ceased the turkey rolling for a moment. “For good?”
I put my knife down. “I don’t know. It was supposed to be for just a couple of weeks for work, but he’s ended up having to stay out there longer. Now I don’t know when or if he’s coming back.”
“You haven’t asked him?”
“I’m trying to give him space to assess what he really wants, whether that’s to stay in Seattle or otherwise. I don’t want to manipulate things, nor do I feel I should have to.”
She nodded and resumed arranging the cold cuts. “Well, this is probably for the best. That one day I observed you with him, it seemed like you were pretty attached, that he had you under some kind of spell. Quite frankly, I still don’t think he’s right for you, and it’s probably a good thing he left.”
Her words were a blow, despite the fact that I knew she felt that way, and with each day that passed, I was closer to believing she was right.
“I understand what you’re saying,” I told her. “My impression of the time I spent with him is different, but I don’t expect you to understand. I don’t really want to spend this day analyzing what happened between him and me, though. It is what it is, at this point.”
She opened a package of pepperoni. “Well, it sounds like now might be a good time to keep your options open. That’s certainly better than sulking while Troy is in Seattle having fun, partying it up with his friends, I’m sure.”
“He’s not having fun,” Kiki chimed in.
I hadn’t realized my niece had entered the kitchen until she said that.
I looked over at her. “What are you talking about?”
“I talked to him the other day.”
My heart sped up. “You spoke to Troy?”
“I sent him an email.”
“Why did you email him?”
“You told me I could, remember?”
That was true. In fact, the entire reason they’d exchanged information was so she could keep in touch with him if things between him and me went awry. And it seemed they had. Nevertheless, it certainly wasn’t fair of me to use her to get information. So I resisted asking her anything. Although, anything she happened to offer was fair game.