“Who knew you would be good at all this?”
“Good at what?” His lips tug downward.
“Your whole thoughtful husband routine could fool me if I’m not careful.” I gesture at the tux jacket threatening to swallow me whole.
His eyes darken. “Not everything is a fucking act.”
I flinch at the bite in his voice.
Isn’t this what you wanted?
Sure, I do. Him being nice isn’t part of the protocol.
There is no protocol. That’s your issue.
Neither of us tries to fill the tense silence, and I can only pray Leo returns to us soon with enough vodka to make his Russian ancestors proud. Anything to save me from this achy feeling growing in my chest.
My prayers are answered as Leo slams the bottle of clear liquor on the tablecloth a few minutes later.
“Here we go.” He crooks two fingers at a waiter who places three empty glasses beside the bottle.
“It’s a family tradition to toast to the newlyweds.”
I nod and grab the full glass Leo holds out for me.
Leo slaps Declan’s shoulder as he places a glass in his hand. “If your grandfather were here, he would have probably had this whole speech written, so I’ll just have to improvise.” He lifts his own tumbler. “Marriage is like going on a road trip with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, except you have no map or fancy GPS system to help you out. You might not always agree on what music to play or which direction you should go. I can guarantee there will be moments you want to rip your hair out—or each other’s. Just like there will be times that test you, where you think that maybe things would be easier if you hitch a ride with someone else. The point is, life is going to throw a lot of things at you. Stuff like flat tires, dead ends, and mechanical issues. But you can either make the most of the journey with one another or cry about never getting to your destination. No one can make the right decision but you.”
He calls that improvising? I’ve never heard anyone describe marriage in such a raw way like that before. Declan’s gaze clashes into mine, and I wonder if he feels the same. Because no matter what our intentions were when we signed the paperwork linking us as husband and wife, we agreed to a road trip together.
Leo taps his glass against ours. “To the newlyweds.” Declan and he both bring their tumblers to their lips, but I can’t do anything but blink at mine.
I don’t know if I will ever be ready for a marriage like Leo describes.
Sure, I might be married to Declan to uphold a legal contract, but that isn’t the same as what Leo shared. His version requires a whole lot of trust and a lot less baggage than I could ever fit in an SUV.
I don’t need to ask Declan how he feels. His intentions are written clear as day across his face—a snapshot into his heart that I know he reveals only for me.
I’m not ready to commit to a road trip. At least not the one he clearly wants. If I did, I would have said yes to my ex when he proposed.
Declan isn’t him. Not even close.
My heart pounds within my chest, like a trapped bird trying to fight its way out of its cage. One thought batters me, over and over, as I sip my drink in silence.
I might have made the biggest mistake of my life by marrying Declan.
Fuck me.
29
DECLAN
I ris stands the moment Leo excuses himself.
“Where are you going?”
She can’t even look me in the eyes as she replies, “Bathroom.”
I rise and grab her hand, forcing her to glance up at me. “Is everything okay?” I hate asking the question almost as much as I hate the haunted look in her eyes. Desperation claws its way up my throat, beckoning me to keep her at my side.
“Sure.” She offers a tense smile. “Do you mind calling Harrison to come pick us up while you wait?”
I nod.
“Great. I’ll be back in a second.” Her body remains rigid, spine straight as an arrow as she crosses the ballroom and turns around a corner.
I consider what might have spooked her, and I can only assume it has something to do with what Leo said. She seemed fine before he went off talking about marriage…
Did it make things too real for her? It’s plausible, given her aversion to love. She has made her feelings on the matter crystal clear, and I’ve gone along with it because it’s what she wanted. It’s not like it is any easier for me.
After watching my father destroy his family after my mother died, I didn’t want to put myself in a similar position. Everyone I love always leaves anyway. Why bother letting anyone close if there is no guarantee they will ever stay?
But are you going to spend the rest of your life alone because you’re too afraid to get close to someone? It’s still the same loneliness no matter how you paint it.
The back of my neck heats, and I turn to find Iris’s eyes focused on me. A few men stop and stare at her, and it takes everything in me to ignore them as I walk across the room.
“Is Harrison downstairs wait—”
Her question is cut off by me pulling her into my arms.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Leo stopped by and asked if we were sticking around for the auction. I told him yes.”
You’re a bastard for lying to her.
I’ll feel bad about it tomorrow. Tonight, I’ll take advantage.
She groans. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I don’t want to give him any reason to think we only came here for him.”
She sighs as she wraps her arms around me. “Is there a specific reason you’re hugging me?”
“I thought I saw someone I know.”
Will you ever stop lying wherever she is concerned?
Only if I ever grow a conscience. Given the number of lies piling up around me, I doubt it would be during this lifetime.
“Did they go away or do you plan on holding me all night?”
Well, if I have an option…
You don’t.
I sigh as I reluctantly release her only to grab her hand. “Let’s dance.”
“Is this the vodka talking?”
I shoot her a look. “It was one glass.”
She laughs. “That’s all it takes. You don’t even like to dance.”
I don’t release her hand as I lean in and whisper in her ear, “Keep making a show in front of everyone and I’ll make you regret it later.”
A shudder runs through her, and I trace the goosebumps on her arm with a single finger. “That’s promising.”
Her mouth opens and closes repeatedly as I lead her toward the dance floor. I wrap an arm around her waist, and she responds by locking her arms behind my neck. Our faces are only a few inches apart as we rock in circles to the soft music playing through the speakers.
“If you wanted to dance with me, all you had to do was ask. No need to use empty threats to coerce me.”
“Your mistake was thinking they are empty.” I allow myself to smile.
She sucks in a breath, her eyes not leaving my lips. My fingers graze the soft curve of her ass. A groan gets trapped in my throat as she jolts forward to avoid my fingers, all to run right into my now hardening cock.