We were both quiet for a bit as he drove. The darkened fields and forests blurred until it almost looked like a painting.
“They love you. You know that, right? It’s where all of this comes from.”
“I know.” A fire lit along my sternum, a potent mixture of guilt and the desire for more. For a life. For freedom. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin. Like I’m drowning and burning up all at the same time. Just once, I want it to be okay for me to be whoever I want.”
His gaze flicked to me for a brief moment before returning to the road. “Sometimes, it’s worth it to stand your ground and fight for that.”
“Like being a firefighter?”
His mouth curved, but I saw a hint of pain behind his eyes. “My dad was never crazy about the idea, but I knew it would make me happy.” He paused, his hands tightening on the wheel. “You should fight for your happiness, Hads. Even if it ruffles feathers.”
I looked out the window as the mountain drew nearer. “I don’t think I’ve really had a chance to find out what makes me happy.”
Calder turned off the two-lane highway. “Let’s see if we can’t find you some of those things.”
I searched the stretch of road in front of us. “I thought this was closed for the Fourth.” It led to the top of the peak, where they set off the fireworks each year.
“Good thing I know the code to the lock.” He slowed the SUV to a stop and hopped out. Heading to the gate, he punched in a code on the lockbox and opened it. He hurried back to drive us through and then locked the gate behind us.
Silence reigned again as Calder guided his SUV up the winding, paved road until we reached the overlook. It was a beautiful spot, looking out over the valley below. The stars felt as if they were close enough to touch.
Calder shut off the engine and turned to face me. “You want to feel alive?”
“Yes.” I wanted it more than anything. No more of this half-life I was living. If almost losing Shiloh had taught me anything, it was that nothing was guaranteed. I wanted to live every moment to its fullest.
“Let’s go.”
We climbed out of the SUV, and Calder rounded to the back, raising the hatch. Two bikes and helmets were back there. I recognized one as belonging to Hayes.
“Are you guys going mountain biking?”
“Tomorrow. But I don’t think Hayes will mind if you borrow his tonight. I just need to lower the seat.” Calder had me stand next to the bike as he pulled out tools and made some adjustments. Then, he motioned for me to climb on. “How’s that feel?”
“Good, I think.”
“Okay.” He picked up a helmet and put it on me, adjusting the straps.
My breath hitched as the rough pads of his fingers grazed my skin. Every time he got close to me, my heart took up acrobatics in my chest. But this was more.
Calder jostled the helmet. “Feel secure?”
I cleared my throat, ignoring the heat I felt in my cheeks. “Yup.”
“Okay.” He flicked on a light at the front of my bike. It was a lot brighter than I expected, illuminating at least twenty feet or more in front of me.
Calder pulled on a helmet and climbed onto his bike. “Want to fly?”
“Fly?”
“You wanted to feel alive. There’s nothing like taking a bike down a mountain.”
My heart rate picked up speed. We were going to take these bikes down that windy road in full dark?
He looked me in the eyes. “Remember, you’re in control. Check your brakes before you pick up too much speed.”
“Okay.”
“I’m going to follow behind you, so if you get scared, just stop.”
“I’m not scared.” I was terrified. But I wouldn’t let Calder know that.
“There’s no shame in fear. It’s how you tackle it that counts.”
I met his gaze. “Let’s go.”
He grinned. “Lead the way, Little Daredevil.”
I guided my bike towards the start of the road. Giving myself a few good peddles, I checked my brakes as Calder had instructed. They were nice and strong.
I gave a few more rotations, and the bike picked up speed. The wind made my hair whip out behind me, and my adrenaline cranked up a notch.
“That’s it,” Calder called.
I grinned into the night and went faster. I leaned into one turn after the other. It was as if I were made for this. My body instinctively knew what to do.
The wind stung my eyes and cheeks, but I didn’t care. My heart pounded in my chest, but for once, it wasn’t because I was angry at having to sit yet something else out. It was because I was alive and truly living.
The light from the stars blurred overhead as I went even faster. The trees beside me lost their shape. I was flying.
For the first time in forever, I felt completely free.
Chapter One
Hadley
PRESENT
I lifted my mountain bike onto the rack on the back of my SUV. As I tightened the straps holding it in place, my phone buzzed in my back pocket. I slid it out and unlocked the screen.
Mom: Will you be at dinner tomorrow?
There was nothing especially unique about the text. Nothing rude or harsh. But I could feel the silent pressure of the words. The weight of the judgment I’d face if I went. I should’ve done what my eldest brother, Beckett, had. Run. Escaped to some far-off country without cell service. Of course, Mom always welcomed him home with open arms. I doubted I’d get the same treatment.
My fingers hovered over the screen before I typed out a response.
Me: Sorry, I have a shift.
I waited, knowing it wouldn’t be long.
Mom: I don’t ask you for much, Hadley. But I’d like my family together for Sunday night dinners.
I didn’t begrudge her that. Yet, if Hayes had a shift at the sheriff’s department, or Shiloh took off on another of her trips, they wouldn’t get chewed out. I was the only one who was a massive disappointment. There was nothing I could say. Instead, I powered off the phone and climbed into my SUV.
Tossing the device into the cupholder, I started the engine. That telltale itch started at the back of my neck. Soon, my skin would feel too tight for my body. I needed to move. To feel that hit of adrenaline. The rush that reminded me I was free, and no one could steal that freedom from me.
I started down my dirt drive and headed for national forest land. The trip didn’t take long, less than thirty minutes. But by the time I pulled into the makeshift lot, my hands were trembling. I shook them out, hoping it would make them stop. I needed every ounce of control I could find if I were to pull this off.
I turned off my SUV and climbed out. A whistle sounded from my left. “Easton,” Toby called.
“Hey,” I greeted as he made his way to me.
He pulled me into a back-slapping hug. “You ready for this?” Toby’s massive grin told me he couldn’t wait.
“Born ready.”
“Always thinks she’s such hot shit,” Jinx said as he walked up.
Calla followed him, finding her way to Toby’s side.
I rolled my eyes at Jinx. “I learned from the best.”
“Damn straight.” He grasped my hand and pulled me into a half-hug.
I sent Calla a smile. “Sorry you had to put up with these two alone.”