“Okay, here’s the god’s honest truth, Theo. I’ll lay it all out for you. Madeline left me a lot of money in a trust. But she knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t finish school if she was gone and I could cash in the trust, so I’m required to graduate from Savage U before I can access the money. It’s a lot of money, Theo. A lot. She left a separate fund for my tuition, so that’s covered. But neither of us knew my darling mother was taking a loan from a gangster at the same time Mads was living her final days. Neither of us had any idea I’d be over a barrel, forced to pay back the loan while attending school. Mads would have paid it off. She wouldn’t have left me in this situation. But here I am, stuck. In a couple years, I know I’ll have the trust, I’ll have Luc, and I’ll be okay. I’ll be more than okay. For now, though, I have to do what I have to do to survive.”
Theo murmured my name painfully and reached for my hand, but I yanked it away. If he gave me soft, I’d scream.
“Deacon sold weed for me until he screwed me over. That was one of the times I had to strip for the cash I owed Amir. There were a handful of other times I took off my clothes when I came up short. I hated every second of it, but I’d do it a thousand times over to keep Luc safe.”
He tried to touch me again, but I slapped him away. I needed to keep going, to level him with my truth so he could see, so he could understand.
“Before you, it had been nearly two years since I had sex with anyone. The last person to touch me decided no meant yes, slammed my face into the hood of a car, and had my pants halfway down my ass before Penelope saved me. So, when I let you inside me, it meant something. I might not have given you everything you thought I should have, but what I gave you was a lot.”
He exhaled, his head dropping forward, hands clasped between his knees.
“I’m an asshole,” he gritted out.
“Yeah, you are. And the thing is, I felt like trash when you told me we were done. But I’ve thought about it, I’ve watched you, I’ve learned a few things about you, and I came to a conclusion.”
He lifted his head to peer at me, his eyes narrowed. “What’s that?”
“I’m really too good for you.” He flinched, but he didn’t deny it, so I went on. “You may have grown up having to be hard, but you’ve gotten soft, Theo. You let your dad push you around. You let your ex push you around. You didn’t stand up for me. Your feelings were hurt, so you tried to get out of our group project, and when you couldn’t, you showed up unprepared and threw out accusations at Lock. Your grades are slipping. You’re closed off. You live off your dad’s money all while saying you hate him. And—”
“Enough,” he whispered. “I hear you.”
“No, wait. I didn’t get to the best part. How do you know Amir, Theo?”
He stilled, studying me so hard, it seemed like he was trying to see inside my mind. Then his head bobbed loosely when he got it.
“He talked?”
“Mmhmm. He told me what he sold you. I don’t know how you got away with doping for so long, but I think your moral high ground was actually a deck of cards, and it’s completely collapsed.”
He stared at me for a long time. Every second that passed, sadness seeped into my bones. Not just for Mads, but for Theo. For who I thought he was—who he could’ve been if he’d just wake up.
He nodded. “You’re right. Nothing you said was untrue. I’m not good enough for you. Not even close.” He climbed to his feet and held his hands out to help me stand. He was giving up, just like that.
Theo walked me the rest of the way up the steps to the door. There, he reeled me in to his body, his arms circling my shoulders, gently pressing me to his chest.
It took me a second to understand he was hugging me. It took another second for it to sink in how badly I’d needed this. I’d been embraced many times tonight, but when it came from Theo, my twisted insides unfurled, and I sank into him.
He held me until I let him go.
“I need to go to sleep.” I dug in my clutch, finding my key card. “I’ll see you in class.”
Theo’s fingers curled around my arm. “Two things before you go in.”
“Okay.”
“First, you’re so fucking beautiful, it’s hard to look at you right now. And you were magnificent tonight when you were talking about Madeline. If people didn’t love her before that, you made them fall.”
I had to bite on my bottom lip to stifle a sob. Theo touched my trembling chin, telling me without words that he noticed.
“Second is I know I’m not good enough, Helen. That doesn’t mean I’m walking away from you. It means I have work to do to get myself there. I won’t ask you to wait, but I’m telling you right now, you’re the only one I want to be with—and that won’t change.” He brought his hand up to the side of my neck, dipping his head to make sure I was with him. “It’s late. You’re tired. When you’re ready, I’ll tell you everything. About Amir, wrestling, steroids, my mom—all of it. Say the word, Tiger, and all my truth is yours.”
“I don’t know if I want your truth, Theo.”
I was sad right then, but when I had more energy and I wasn’t so raw from Mads, the anger would return. And man, was I pissed at Theo.
He closed his eyes, nodding as he exhaled. “Then I’ll have to work until you do.”
He swiped my key card for me, gently shoved me inside, and closed the door between us. Another nod, and Theo walked off into the night, and I went upstairs to my room, my heart aching and promises yet to be fulfilled.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Theo
“Lock.”
The garage bay was almost empty. Lock was the only one working, his head under the hood of a truck. Hearing his name, he looked around, found me approaching, and straightened, wiping his hands on a rag.
“Theo.” He was wary already.
“Hey.”
He continued wiping his hands, giving me nothing. Made sense. If there were lines in the sand, Lock was firmly on Helen’s side. Really fucking deservedly so.
“I’m hoping you can help me out.”
Lock’s expression turned thunderous. “Are you really?”
“Yeah.” I shoved my fingers through my hair. “I messed up. I keep messing up. It’s high time I turned things around. I’m asking for your help with that.”
Rag clutched in one hand, his fists went to his hips. “Tell me what you’re looking for. I’ll consider it.”
“I know engines. I worked in a garage, my pops’ shop, from the time I was a kid.”
Again, nothing. Lock was a solid wall. He was going to make me work for every inch I needed, which was fair. I hadn’t worked in a long, long time.
“I’m looking for a job, Lock. I have experience in a garage, but I’m willing to work anywhere there’s a need for a body. My pops taught me a lot, but I’m a fast learner and willing to get dirty if I need to.”
He threw down the rag, his jaw tight. “What makes you think I’d want to help you, even if I could? Besides your nonexistent work ethic, you fucked my friend over.”
I decided to lay it all on the line. That was all I could do. He was right. I’d been showing my ass all semester, and I had a hell of a lot to prove now.
“I know I screwed up in a massive way with Helen. I’m working to make it right. To do that, I need to be able to stand apart from my father. The start of that is not being reliant on his money.”
“Good start,” Lock rumbled.
I tipped my chin in acknowledgment and went on. “For that, I need a job. I was hoping for one on campus. It’d be an insurance policy, in case Andrew doesn’t agree with my choices and revokes my tuition. If I work here, I’ll get a deep discount so I’ll be able to take care of my own tuition.”
“You did your research.”
I shrugged. “It didn’t take much. But I’m not bullshitting around. I need this.”