“If I could have one last conversation with Madeline, I’d tell her I saw my first Shakespeare play within my first month at Savage U. It was Taming of the Shrew. I’d tell her I really liked it. It even made me laugh. And though I said it a lot during the too-short time we spent together, I would say thank you. Thank you, Madeline, for showing me beauty. Thank you for believing in me and making me want more. Thank you, Mads, for being my friend. And thank you, Madeline McGarvey, for coming from a world of privilege, recognizing it, and using it to help those who don’t. I’ll do you proud, Mads. Promise.”
Helen returned to the table under a roar of applause. If the audience understood she was telling them to use their privilege for good instead of evil, it wasn’t apparent, but one could only hope. Miranda enveloped her into a hug, then my father took them both in his arms.
Sitting next to my ex-girlfriend—who was still pouting—watching this, knowing I had no business wanting to take care of Helen, but needing to more than I needed to breathe, I’d never felt more wrong in my life.
I hung through ten more minutes of every single person in the banquet hall coming up to Helen to try to grab a piece of her. They kept coming, asking her about her time with Madeline, touching her hair, her arms, invading her grief. She kept smiling, but her eyes were darting to the side. I recognized that look—trapped, panicked, hungry to escape—and I couldn’t stop myself from surging to my feet.
Helen shook her head when she saw me move, then she shifted to give me her back. and I remembered I’d put myself here—right where I’d wanted to be.
* * *
While I ignored her, Abby got wasted. By the time I drove her home, her head was lolling on her rest and I had to help her out of the car. She clung to me as I walked her into her dorm. This wasn’t where I wanted to be, but I couldn’t leave her to fend for herself.
I propped her next to her door and held out my hand. “Give me your key.”
“Why don’t you love me, The?” Her back was to the wall, her head tipped up.
“Give me your key, Abby.”
“Answer me and I will.”
Exhaling, I rubbed the space between my brows. “We’re done, Abby. We’ve had this conversation. There’s nothing new to say. I need you to let this go. No more showing up where I am. No more shoving our fathers in the middle. I don’t know how to be more clear with you.”
Her sigh sounded more like a hiss. “It’s her, isn’t it? That...girl with the red lips?”
“You know her name.” My patience had just about run out, but now that she’d brought up Helen, it was paper thin.
“You’re obviously not with her. She wouldn’t even look at you.”
“It doesn’t matter who I’m with or not with. You and I are not together, and we won’t be getting back together. I’d like to be able to look back on what we had and feel good about it, but you’re going out of your way to ruin our history.”
She straightened, moving into me to press her hands on my chest. “We were so good. I just wanted more. I didn’t know how to get it from you. I thought...I thought you’d see how serious I was if I broke up with you and you’d open up to me.”
I shook my head. “It was never going to happen, Abbs. I gave you all I could. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry you were hurt, and maybe you’re still hurting. But that doesn’t mean we have a chance. You need to let go.”
Her brow crinkled. It looked like she was trying to work her thoughts out in her alcohol-soaked mind.
“Are you going to give her more?” She’d lost her cutting edge. Now, she just sounded sad. Her hands slid up to my neck, eyes imploring for a different answer than the one she knew I’d be giving.
“This isn’t about anyone else. You asked about me and you—that’s what I’m answering.”
“We were so good, The.” She rose on her toes, and before I could stop her, her mouth pressed against mine. I wrenched my head to the side, breaking the connection as soon as it started. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she cried.
I took her hands off me and pounded my fist on her door to let her roommates know she needed to be let in. Then I backed away, out of her reach.
“Go inside. I’m done.”
The door opened behind her, and I didn’t wait to see what happened next. I had a wrong I needed to right, and it couldn’t wait any longer.
Chapter Twenty-one
Helen
In my beautiful dress, I sat down beside Theo on the steps in front of my dorm. I had expected him to be waiting there for me when my Uber dropped me off, and he hadn’t let me down.
He was quiet for a while, and I felt no need to fill the space between us. Tonight had worn me out. Thinking about Mads, talking about her, reliving what it meant to know her, all took a toll. Doing that in front of Theo made it ten times harder.
“You’re grieving.”
I slowly turned my head, letting my eyes travel over his face. My stomach churned.
“Yeah.” I pointed to his mouth. “You didn’t wipe off all the lip gloss.”
His hand flew to his mouth, scrubbing the shiny pink stuff away from the very corner. “Fucking Abby. She doesn’t know when to quit.”
“It might be the mixed messages. Taking her on a date then making out with her after would be a little confusing.”
He took my jaw in his hand, pulling me into him so our noses nearly brushed. “That isn’t what happened. I dropped my drunk ex-girlfriend off and she threw herself at me. That lasted less than a second before I left her with the unambiguous message that we were never going to be together.”
I shrugged like I didn’t care. I wished seeing lip gloss on his mouth hadn’t been a blow to the solar plexus, but considering I was still breathless, it had been. The hits just kept coming.
“Okay, Theo. You don’t owe me any explanations.”
His hold on my jaw softened, but he didn’t let go. “I owe you an apology. I realize how I spoke to you was probably unforgivable, but I need you to know I’m sorry.”
I nodded. “That’s something.”
“I should have asked you more questions.”
“You didn’t want a girlfriend. I didn’t want a boyfriend. What we had was what we both wanted.”
His nostrils flared. “Enough lying, Helen. Jesus.”
My hands were still shaking slightly, and I hurt so deep, it felt like my soul was bruised. He kept pushing me, saying he was sorry, then pushing some more. I was getting really tired of being pushed around and made into the bad guy. He wanted to show up here with another girl’s kiss on his lips, offer a little apology, and expect that to be it? Maybe it was because I was so raw from spending the evening talking about Mads, but I was done. Absolutely done.