He was too close. Too soft. The fury that had been wrapped around him and pounding into me in his car had melted away. He was almost my Theo, except my Theo wasn’t real. He never would have accused me of fucking Lock or told me I wasn’t good enough for him. This man in front of me was a stranger, and I’d learned a long time ago to never talk to strangers.
“I’ve been explaining to you since we met. You took and took my story, my history, my life. You know things about me only my closest friends do. I’m sorry I never sat you down and laid out for you that I’ve stripped four times when I came up short on my mom’s loan repayment and it was either do that or hope to god the gangster she owed money to wouldn’t really burn down our trailer with my sister inside.”
His inhale was harsh. “Why didn’t you say that?”
I lifted a shoulder. “What’s the point? You made up your mind about me. I’m not going to beg you to see me as a human when one decision—that I would make again if I had to—turned me into nothing but trash in your eyes.”
“You’re not trash. I don’t think that, and I didn’t say it. I was pissed and betrayed—”
“Nope.” My arms went tighter around me. “You weren’t betrayed. You were embarrassed, and your overinflated male ego took a hit. I didn’t betray you, Theo, and I’m not going to let you lay that on me. You can keep saying it for a thousand years, and I will never take it on.”
His jaw worked, and again, I wondered what he was biting back. “We’re never going to agree on that.”
I jutted my chin out. “We don’t need to agree. This is over.”
He stared at me. A lot of his bitterness had fallen away, leaving behind an expression I didn’t know, but recognized all the same: longing.
I felt it. God, did I feel it. I longed for us to go back to the night he’d spent sleeping with his head in my chest, covering me with his body, holding me tight. I also wished we’d never had that night so I didn’t know what I’d lost a day later.
“It never started, isn’t that right?” He rocked back on his heels, still staring at me the same way.
“That’s right. Can’t break a thing that never existed.”
Now, we were both liars. And in the broad light of day, there was no hiding it. But Theo and I, we’d perfected our facades so well, we could look in each other’s eyes and lie without flinching. I was scraped raw on the inside, but I’d never show him that.
“I gotta go.” I saluted him and started backing away. “Do your work, Theo. I won’t stop Lock from kicking your ass if you don’t.”
He said something, but I was already gone. I walked faster than I should have, but I couldn’t try to play it cool another second longer. Boys didn’t hurt me like this. I’d never let them. I’d been stupid to allow Theo inside the cracks losing Mads had left behind.
I’d learned, though, and I’d learned well.
Chapter Nineteen
Helen
Hakim gave me a wave. I nodded as I set down drinks at my table, giving my ass a little sway and dodging grabby hands faux playfully, then made my way across the floor to see what was up with the big man.
“Hey.” Hakim was nearly seven feet tall of pure muscle and very little brain. He was also sweet as sugar and took his job as bouncer at Savage Beauties seriously. No one touched his girls without their permission, and when they did, all his sweetness was left at the door. Hakim did not play when it came to his girls.
He jerked his big, bald head to the side. “Group in the Blue Room requested you.”
“I’m not stripping tonight.”
He glared at me with his deep black eyes, looking offended. “Who do you think I am, baby girl? I know all. I see all. They want you to serve them.”
I laid my hand on his sinewy forearm. “Sorry, dude. I’m cranky tonight.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I got you, boo. The boys in there are throwing green around like candy. Carina’s bag is filled. Get in there and take them for all they’re worth.”
I tossed my hair behind my shoulders and gave Hakim a bright smile. “Okay. I can be perky for cash.”
His laughter was a roll of thunder in my ears. “That’s my girl.”
The Blue Room was for private VIP parties. I’d never worked it as a stripper, but I had served drinks in there before and always came out with twice as much cash as a regular night. As soon as I stepped inside tonight, I wished I hadn’t. Seven or eight men were scattered around on chairs and benches, five girls mingling between them. I knew most of these men, if not by name, then by sight, and all of them filled me with dread.
Reno spotted me before I could back out and run for the hills. He beckoned me with a wave of his hand. My footsteps were leaden, and I kept my tray in front of me like a shield. Amir raised a brow at me as I passed him, Carina perched on his lap. He had a handful of her ass in his palm, but he was watching me walk to his brother, paying her no attention.
“Careful,” Amir murmured.
I stopped in front of Reno, who was flanked by two guys I knew to be his muscle. Reno had inherited blood money and corrupt power from his uncle, and he’d taken to the gangster life like a fish to water. He was all fine tailoring, sleek lines, diamonds in his ears, manspreading like he owned the world.
“Helen, baby,” he cooed.
“Hey. Can I get you something to drink?”
He turned to his goon and laughed. “I told you how cute she is, right?”
The goon appeared to have less brains than Hakim, but he laughed along with Reno as if there was something funny about a cocktail waitress asking for his drink order.
Reno tipped his head back to scan me long and slow. He bit his bottom lip, his eyelids growing heavy. Reno was hot, and in his nice clothes, he was sexy. He made my stomach turn.
“Vodka soda, baby. But first, we need to talk.” He patted his thigh, and I went, because I understood I didn’t have a choice. When I perched on his knee, he laughed again, but he let me stay there instead of plopping me on his dick, which was what I had expected.
“What’s up?” I peered at him from under my fake lashes, aiming for demure instead of flirty. God, I hoped I pulled it off.
“Your moms, baby. She came around, asking for another loan.” He didn’t pull me closer, but he did cup my ass and give it a squeeze. “Because I care about you, I told her I’d have to think about it.”
“She can’t pay you back,” I blurted out fast.
“This I know.” His fingers dug into my flesh hard enough to bruise. “What I wonder is, I give her the cash, can you pay me back?”
I shook my head hard. “I’m strapped. I can barely make the payments she owes now. I can’t take on more.”
“You could work just three nights a week, make double what you do now. You know that, Helen.”
“I’m not stripping, Reno. It’s not my thing.”
He stroked the flesh he’d just been pinching. “You’ve done it before, baby. Too bad I wasn’t here those nights. I would’ve enjoyed getting an up close and personal look at those pretty tits.”
I kept my lips pressed tight. There was no right answer to that.