I nodded. “He couldn’t even look at me.”
“Are you telling me you're crying over a boy?” She sounded incredulous, like the very idea was preposterous.
“I’m crying over everything. Not just him.” But the tears were already turning to salt on my cheeks.
“Wow, okay.” Elena leaned down so her face was inches from mine. “Here’s the first rule of bad bitches: we don’t cry over unworthy boys. Theo is hot, I’ll give you that. But worthy of tears? No, bitch. Not even close.”
“He’s too good for me,” I whispered, the words burning in my throat like acid.
Zadie gasped. “He’s not. You’re too good for a guy who would leave you in this state.”
Elena’s clear blue eyes turned to fire. “Are you kidding me? Did you literally just say that?”
“Elena,” Zadie admonished. “Be nice to her.”
Elena stared down at me, fury pinching her pale brows. “Theo is a pussy-whipped little boy. His ex told me all about him. His dad controls him, and he lets it happen. He seems like a nice guy, but that’s only to get what he wants. If you think that kind of dick is better than you, then you’re not the girl I thought you were back in high school when you intimidated the hell out of every soft boy you passed in the halls.”
“She’s sad, El. Let her be sad,” Zadie said.
“I’m letting her be sad over her dead friend. I refuse to allow her to cry over Theo fucking Whitlock. He’s hot, but he’s proven himself unworthy. Helen is a warrior. Theo is bullshit.”
They bickered back and forth while I sank into my heartache. I knew it wasn’t for Theo. Well, not just for him. These tears belonged to Mads and stress and the cruelty that was life. The fight in me ran deep, but some days, it was too much, even for me.
“Let me be sad tonight. When I wake up, I’ll be over him.” I swiped at the mostly dried tears on my cheeks. “Just give me tonight.”
Elena lay back down behind me and curled around me. It was all kinds of disconcerting, but Penelope had told me more than once there was a different side of her cousin she rarely showed other people. I had a feeling this was the side Pen had been talking about.
“Fine. Tonight is yours to wallow. Even bad bitches deserve to pity themselves for a few hours.” Her fingers combed through the back of my hair. “But if I catch you crying over this kid again, I will sneak into your room while you’re sleeping and chop off all your pretty hair.”
Zadie’s hands flew to her mouth. “Elena! You can’t say that.”
“I can and I did. Helen knows me well enough not to test me.” She kept finger-combing my hair even as she threatened to chop it all off. “Do you have any idea how much I could get for pristine hair like this if I sold it?”
“Oh my god,” Zadie mumbled.
A bubble of laughter swelled into the aching places in my chest, pushing the hurt aside so it could fall from my lips. I barked a loud laugh, and then smaller ones, until my shoulders were shaking and Zadie let out a tentative giggle.
“You’re not selling my hair, Sanderson,” I said between laughs.
Elena gave it a light tug. “Try me, Ortega.”
Lying there between my two roommates, I still hurt, but I didn’t feel like I was seconds from walking into the ocean with stones in my pockets. This sad girl wasn’t me. I’d never get over losing Mads, but Theo was a different story. By tomorrow, I’d forget he ever existed.
* * *
Forgetting someone existed wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Staring at the back of Theo’s stupid head for an hour on Monday during class hammered that point home. He was still alive and breathing the same air as me. Whether he deserved that privilege was debatable.
Lock tipped his chin toward me. “Are you okay?”
I jerked from where I’d been hunched over my notebook, digging my pen into the paper. “I’m...fine. But do you think you could walk with me today?”
His nostrils flared as his eyes traveled toward Theo, then back to me. “No problem.”
At the end of class, I took my time gathering my things, giving Theo a chance to be long gone by the time I headed for the door. Except, as Lock and I walked down the steps, Theo was talking with Davis, and it was impossible not to overhear what he was saying.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Whitlock. You asked me to put you into that group. Unless you have a valid reason to be removed, you’re not moving.”
Theo hitched his bag higher on his shoulder. “I work better on my own.”
I felt Lock tense beside me, then he cupped my nape, steering me around Theo and Davis toward the door. Their voices followed us.
“Except this is a group project,” Davis replied. “Is there something you need to tell me about your chosen group?”
A short pause. My ears perked up, even as Lock steered me away. “No. Nothing to tell you,” Theo gritted out.
Lock practically shoved me out the door and down the hall until we were outside. He kept me walking, even though I would have liked to turn around and explain to Theo how little I was going to enjoy working with him too. But I wasn’t a little pussy, running to the teacher just because my feelings were hurt.
“Don’t let him see it,” Lock grumbled.
“I’m not. He’s the biggest asshole I’ve ever met—and that says a lot.”
Lock kept hold of me, ensuring I couldn’t turn around and let my anger loose, which was a good thing, even though I really wanted to rebel against it. He walked me all the way to my dorm, stopped me at the base of the stairs, and gave me a long once-over. His scrutinizing gaze made me squirm, but I stayed still, allowing him to check me out, to see what he needed to see. I didn’t know what that was, but after a solid minute, he seemed satisfied.
He nodded once. “You’ll be all right.”
Then he dropped his hand, swiveled on his heel, and lumbered off in the direction from which we came.
And for some reason, when he said it like that, decisively and like it was fact, I believed him. I would be all right.
* * *
Lock beat me to our group work session on Friday, which was relieving. He kicked the chair beside him out from under the table, and I took a seat. I’d been dreading this all week. Three classes worth of boring holes in the back of Theo’s head had taken a lot out of me.
“I’ll handle him,” he said.
“Okay.”
His head cocked. I met his gaze. He did the same assessing sweep he’d been doing all week, and I stayed still so he could. I was tired, slightly melancholy, but other than that, I was fine, and he must have seen that, since he nodded and let it go without saying a word.
We both set up our computers and the research and work we’d done for our project, and then discussed what we’d completed, all while waiting for Theo to show. He was fifteen minutes late by the time he pushed through the door and tossed his bag on the table. I kept my gaze trained on my computer, but from the corner of my eye, I saw Lock staring him down.