As cool as that is, the real power is what happens in my own life.
It is like turning on the light in a dark room. I can clearly see all the obstacles I’d been bruising my shins and bloodying my toes on. Now, I can chart a clear path to my goal: personal freedom without violating others.
With a secure foundation to stand on, I can begin to let go of the false walls of invulnerability. I know I can choose what I allow in my space. It’s not all-or-nothing. I can slowly experience healthy boundaries. Letting go of the fear still takes work, but now I know where I’m going—I have a map. And the more I dig into these seemingly simple principles, the more gems of insight I discover.
I realize that one of the reasons my grandfather was able to get so off track in some areas was that he had no ethical benchmark, no yardstick to measure his “revelations from God” against. No immutable standard that he could not twist through scriptural interpretation.
When good and bad, freedom and control, abuse and love are all mixed together without an objective standard, it can be incredibly hard to separate the lies from the truth. Even ideas that are beautiful, like “Love God and love your neighbor as you love yourself,” become abusive when twisted through misinterpretation to benefit oneself and are imposed through manipulation and force. This is why we must actively check our most cherished beliefs against logic, against an accurate standard. Violations of the three primary property rights cause harm.
As I research the statistics of abuse against children and women, both sexual and physical, I realize it’s not just cults—it’s a world culture—one that will not end until we are each absolutely clear on accurate boundaries, the code of conduct to make sure your “freedoms” don’t violate others.
These three rights are a lens to clarify every decision. Am I applying coercion or pressure in order to get someone to do what I want? Am I violating their right to make a free decision over what they do with their own time, money, and body?
These are the distinctions we must clarify to ensure that in our desire to build a better world, we do not create greater harm. The way to live free and harm none.
This is why I’m willing to share my most painful and shameful experiences onstage. So that others can find freedom through claiming their own right to their body. So that people can have a clear standard with which to measure themselves and their leaders by asking, Does this teaching, or the implementation of it, violate the principles of self-ownership? I know everything I’ve been through will be worth it if I can embed in the minds of my listeners this understanding of property rights in one’s own self, body, creations, and deals.
I may be second-guessing my outfit of cherry-colored jumpsuit and white cape jacket, but not my decision to tell my truth. I momentarily squint at the bright stage lights as I walk to the large red circle on the stage floor, feeling the weight of the audience’s stares.
For this I’m willing to risk it all: My professional reputation—What will my clients or potential employers think? My social media anonymity—Isn’t going public making myself a target for attack? My dating persona of a nice, successful, relatively normal young woman—How will I date? Won’t this freak guys out? My carefully constructed outer shell was about to be shattered by the wrecking ball of truth—Who will be left standing?
It doesn’t matter. I’m doing this for those who have been oppressed, manipulated, and abused and need the words to stand up for themselves. For the vision of a violation-free world for our children, where we each claim our rights and rise free together.
I’m ready.
I hear my voice ring out across the room, “I own me!”
Acknowledgments
I want to express my gratitude to my brilliant agent, Becky Sweren, who went above and beyond to get this book to publication; to Liz Stein, my HarperCollins editor, for believing in and supporting me and doing the hard cuts; and Lisa Pulitzer, for her efforts researching, fact checking, and editing. And to my readers, you make all this worthwhile.