Chapter 8
Jackson
There is no doubt that I would love nothing more than to have my way with Maia right here and now, but I meant what I said about genuinely liking her. The last thing I want to do is make myself out to be some sex-crazed player. So, as much as it’s probably gonna kill me that I had this girl alone in my room and didn’t pursue that angle, I lean back. That, and I notice that Maia’s body has visibly tensed in the last minute or so. The crazy, sexy girl that had her legs around my waist with nothing but clothing separating us has apparently disappeared and now the position we’re in is just awkward. “Something wrong?” I ask, lifting her chin to meet my eyes. She looks almost sad when she peers up at me.
“I…um…I…this is maybe just moving a little too fast.”
Her and I both know what she means. She’s not talking about the potential sex; it’s the fact that neither her nor I can seem to stay away from each other. Maia makes me feel alive again, which is some crazy shit to admit given that I’ve known her for such a short while and most of that time, she’s been, well, a bit of a bitch. The thought of her body this close to mine is driving me f-ucking insane. Truthfully I would gladly wait for Maia as long as she needed me to, although I seriously hope that’s not her intention. A few more episodes like this one and I’ll probably find myself staring at four white walls wearing a straitjacket.
She stares at me with those big brown eyes of hers and laces her fingers behind my neck. “I just mean that maybe we can try being friends, casual for a while,” she continues.
And that means, I’m not screwing you yet, but if you have any intentions of screwing me in the future, you won’t screw anyone else right now. In plain and simple guy language, that is.
“I’m fine with that,” I reply, realizing that even with the insane amount of testosterone flowing through my body right now, I genuinely am.
For the next few hours, we lay on my bed, me propped up against the wall with her head resting in my lap. A few times, I get nervous at the fact that my body’s reaction to her sheer hotness and the fact that she’s sprawled across my bed may cause my body to react and involuntarily concuss the poor girl, but I steer my mind to dead puppies and Unicef commercials before my thoughts have a chance to get away from me.
Maia tells me about growing up privileged, and from the way she talks, I gather that she all but hated it. She does smile when she talks about her grandparents and that fact that even though they were loaded, they were still very sweet. Her mother was a foster child, so she has no idea of her maternal grandparents. She briefly mentions that her father is some hotshot investment banker and that her mother is a housewife. Though the situation is intimate and the conversation is deep, Maia appears to skim over her past vaguely, not offering too much information on any one thing.
I tell her about my parents, how my father is half Caucasian and half African American, and my mother is Hispanic, so I’m a mixed breed of the highest proportion. I tell her how Jade and I met, and that I dated her best friend Shana for a while so that’s when we got close.
I feel guilty for not telling Maia more about Shana, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to. I don’t love Shana anymore, that I can guarantee, but I get the impression from Maia that until she trusts me, that’s the kind of thing that would send her running. And chasing her is damn hard work! So I briefly skim over that facts, telling her that I worked at my father’s mechanic shop for 4 years before coming to Brown, neglecting to mention the reason why I stayed in Atlanta for so long. And I feel like a f-ucking liar. We’re obviously both not telling each other the whole truth, so I guess we’re even. Some shit just goes too deep to talk about sometimes. I get that. Although I find myself wishing I knew what she wasn’t telling me.
Her phone rings a few times as we’re talking, but she glances at the screen and silences every call. When she goes to the bathroom and leaves it on the bed, I steal a glance at the missed calls, knowing that I shouldn’t and hoping that I don’t see the name of some random dude, or a number of them for that matter. Call me cynical but when your first love leaves you without an explanation, you get kind of paranoid about the shit around you. I’m relieved to see that all of the missed calls are from her mother.
I offer to drive Maia back to her dorm when we realize that it’s nearly one o’clock in the morning. On the way, she talks about her creepy Comparative Literature professor, who’s about seventy five and appears to be undressing the female students with his eyes whenever he asks a question. She shudders at the thought, and I laugh at her disgust. She playfully punches me in the arm.
I walk her up to the dorm and she leans in to innocently kiss me goodbye, only we find ourselves pressed against the wall next to her dorm door, with her hands under my shirt. f-uck me, this is going to be difficult, this friends first thing. I see myself spending many hours in a long, cold shower over the coming weeks.
Suddenly, the door swings open, and a sleepy-eyed Jade peers into the hallway. f-uck! But thank God for the intervention, because my resistance was weakening in this hallway. Her eyes widen as she takes us in and says, “Y’all are noisy as hell, and some of us are trying to sleep. Wanna bring it inside and I’ll leave?” She flashes a cheeky smile.
“I was just going,” I answer.
“Going or coming?” she asks coyly.
Maia’s cheeks flush all kinds of red, redder than I had them a few seconds ago.
“Breakfast tomorrow?” Jade asks the both of us.
“Sure,” I answer. “Don’t have classes till eleven.”
“I have one at eight so I’ll have to pass,” replies Maia.
I’m slightly gutted to hear this. “Pick you up at eight then,” I say to Jade, before turning to Maia. “Sweet dreams,” I say, flashing her my most suggestive grin before I turn and walk off.
I drive home anxiously awaiting that cold shower. Besides the fact that Maia makes me want to throw her over my bed every time she’s around, she also makes me want to stay up talking ‘til all hours. Most women are confusing as shit, but Maia is on a level of her own. She doesn’t trust men; that I got from her tonight. So, I’ll have to remedy that first. But she also skimmed over the details of her life as if she was recounting a bad movie. I understand personal shit, I have a lot of it that has done some damage to me, but hers I think is on a whole other level. I decide that whatever she wants to tell me, she will, eventually. As long as she doesn’t lie; after Shana, lies are a deal breaker for me.
I took a cold shower last night, but the memory of Maia and I pressed against that dorm wall forces me to take another one in the morning. Jade is waiting outside the dorm when I arrive, perched casually against the small wall along the perimeter, playing with her phone. She walks over, and I have to admit that Jade is smoking hot, even though I don’t look at her that way anymore. She’s also not as hot as Maia. But post a picture of her online with a tag that says lesbian, and men the whole world over would cry tears of joy and sorrow, all at once.
“Hey!” she greets as she falls into the passenger seat. She wears the same irritating ‘I know what you did’ grin that she wore last night. I sigh, knowing that she’s just giving me time to drive far enough from the dorm that I can’t turn around and drop her ass right back there before she launches a probe. “So, I see you wasted no time in corrupting my innocent roommate,” she says sarcastically.
And there it is. “I did not corrupt anyone, Jade, I returned her the way I found her. Just smiling a whole lot more,” I retort, grinning. This is what happens when Jade and I converse. Two smartasses together.
“That you did,” she laughs, “whatever you did had her walking out of the dorm room wearing the goofiest grin I have ever seen. And that’s no small feat. Maia has turned down every dude that has approached her since I’ve known her. And she very rarely smiles, either. So you, my friend, clearly have the magic stick.”
We arrive at the Bean and walk in. “It wasn’t even like that,” I say to Jade. But oh, how I wish it had been. “I didn’t bang her, if that’s what you’re asking.” And that took every inch of will power and restraint that I had.
“Why not?” Jade asks, confused. I laugh; Jade thinks like a guy, always has. You like someone, you f-uck them, it’s simple. Although, that’s never made her a slut. She’s also very selective.
“Because I genuinely don’t want to f-uck this up, and it just seemed like Maia needed to know that sex is not the first thing on my mind. I actually like her,” I answer as we approach the counter. After ordering we sit at a table by the window, so Jade can ‘check out the scenery’.
I had decided on the way to picking Jade up that I would tell her I knew where Shana was. I really have no clue how she’ll react, but she does deserve to know. Shana was her best friend, and plus, I don’t like the idea that she would likely castrate me if she found out I lied to her.
“So you two are dating, like, high school dating?” she asks, pulling at her face.
“Guess so,” I say shrugging my shoulders.
“But you don’t date. You may have Maia fooled with your good guy act, but you and I have history. I know how much of a bad boy you’ve been since Shana left,” Jade looks concerned, and truthfully I think she’s worried about me hurting Maia. And she has a point.
When Shana left, I really stopped giving a shit about life in general, and there were so many things that I did, so many women that I did, one night stands, random club fucks when I was high or wasted or both. Jade has every right to be concerned for Maia. The old Jackson woke up with a different chick in his bed every night, and most times they were nameless, and faceless. And heartbroken when I shuffled them out the side door without saying so much as ‘I’ll call you’. And I’m really not proud of any of it.
“I quit all that shit, Jade. Brown is a fresh start. I didn’t plan on meeting Maia, but I did. So please try not to count me out so soon?” I look at her, wondering whether or not she’s feeling obliged to tell Maia about my not so pleasant past.
“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” she smiles at me reassuringly, but in seconds her face darkens and she continues. “Maia clearly has her own shit to deal with, and if you hurt her, I swear you’ll be missing some of your vital organs.”
“Noted,” I nod, “but what shit does Maia have to deal with?” My curiosity piques as I realize that maybe Jade can shed some light on why Maia’s so guarded.
“Don’t know, to be honest,” she shrugs. “I know she gets checks for five grand every month from her father, and she just throws them into her drawer. Unopened. She has other money though, and she shops with me in thrift stores when I know she can afford better. I’ve met her mother once, and she seems a touch sensitive. She owns a BMW X5 but she walks and takes the bus everywhere. And Maia doesn’t talk about her past, not about her past boyfriends, friends, family, anything. It’s like her life started when she got to Brown.” I know what Jade means, and I got that feeling, too. Still, she did talk about her family last night, briefly. The more I get to know Maia, the more complex she becomes.
I take a breath and decide to bring up the Shana subject. May as well just say it. “So,” I start slowly, “I found Shana.”
Jade looks up, holding a butter-covered knife over her croissant and stares at me. “Oh,” she says and continues to butter the croissant haphazardly.
Jade was hurt when Shana left without so much as a goodbye. They’d been inseparable as friends, so as much as she wants to know everything that I know, she doesn’t want to ask, either. She’s clearly still mad. So I continue, saving her the mental torture. “A P.I. I hired found her. Not because I wanted her back, but because I needed closure to come here. Jade, he found her and a little girl.”
Jade’s knife falls to her plate with a resounding clank. “What?” Her jaw has dropped and she’s staring at me in disbelief. “Is she yours?” she asks.
“How should I know?” I answer. “She definitely looks the right age, but I don’t know. I didn’t call her. I have her number.”
“Give it to me,” Jade says pulling out her phone. Jade’s going to call her, there’s no reasoning with her about this. I can see the sheer determination in her face, but her eyes are clouded over with anger.
“Jade, it’s not a good idea, just leave her be. She doesn’t want to see us, either of us, or she would have called.”
“No!” Jade’s voice echoes through the Bean, and a few students turn in our direction. “Who the hell does she think she is, running off and having your child without so much as a ‘hello, just thought you may want to know’?”
I sigh. “Let it go, Jade.”
“No! I can’t, and neither should you. She owes you an explanation, at least!” I hold my phone facing Jade as she saves Shana’s number. She grabs her bag, leans down to slam a quick kiss onto my cheek and storms off.
I rub my temples in frustration. I knew that was a f-ucking bad idea. I look up to see Maia staring down at me.
“What’s up with Jade?” she asks concerned.
I shake my head twice. “Jade can be a bit melodramatic sometimes.” I decide against telling Maia why Jade is so mad. The last thing I need is to have two chicks walking out on breakfast this morning. “Thought you had a class?” I ask casually, taking the opportunity to change the subject as Maia sits down. Her hair falls over her right shoulder and her skinny jeans and tank top look as though they’re painted on. Nothing like a visual of early morning sex to brighten a man’s mood.
“Cancelled. Turns out my Comp Lit professor took a leave of absence after offering candy to the students,” she shudders.
“Really?” I ask, laughing.
“Uh huh,” she grins. “They’re trying to find a replacement.”
“Suits me fine,” I tease as she plops down on the couch next to me.
“So, I have a favor to ask,” she looks at me sheepishly. “My mom needs to move some stuff out of our apartment. It’s long story, but she’s moving out. Can you help us?”
If my mother were leaving my father, I sure as shit wouldn’t be smiling the way Maia is now, I’d be depressed as hell. But she seems pleased. Another question for another day, I decide. “Sure,” I smile, putting my arm around her shoulder. “But what do I get in return?” I grin at her suggestively and she laughs slapping my chest.
“What happened to good old-fashioned gentlemen?” she shakes her head in mock sadness.
“The gentlemen you read about never had the pleasure of being tempted by someone hot as hell, sitting an inch away from them.” I lean in and kiss Maia gently. “Besides,” I say grinning, “I’ve never claimed to be a gentleman, more of an opportunist, really.”
“It shows,” she laughs.
Jade’s right. Maia doesn’t laugh enough, but it’s melodic when she does. May have to work on that, too.