Before I can reply, he twists back around, and I glance over at Tanner, finding him watching me. Like always when our eyes lock, my stomach flutters and my pulse races. Pulling my gaze off his, I look down at the water and chew the inside of my cheek. Maybe Oliver is right; maybe I should just be honest and tell him how I feel. Then again, I’m not sure I can trust how I feel; plus, he might think I’m a complete loon for bringing up what’s bothering me, when we’ve only just met.
As we slowly make our way across the lake, I go back and forth on what I should do, and I still have no idea as we paddle up to the small inlet where Maverick is waiting for us. Before I even have a chance to make it out of my kayak on my own, I find Tanner at my side, taking my paddle before helping me out. I start to thank him, but the look he sends me has me slamming my mouth closed.
“You good with these guys for a few minutes while Cybil and I talk?” Tanner asks Maverick while locking on to my wrist as I try to move away.
“Yep.” Maverick lifts his chin; then his eyes come to me, and he raises a brow. I shrug before Tanner starts to tug me toward the tree line beyond the bank.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, but he doesn’t even acknowledge my question. Instead, he leads me farther into the woods, so deep I can no longer hear the group talking. “Are you not going to answer me?” I question, starting to get nervous; then, the next thing I know, he’s directly in front of me, and he’s cupping my face gently between his large hands.
“I’m glad you want to talk, sunshine, because I really want to know what the fuck happened between the time I left you all sweet looking and smiling in your sleeping bag this morning, and when you came out of the tent looking like someone killed your puppy.” My heart stutters in my chest.
I thought I had done a good job hiding how I was feeling. Apparently, I didn’t, and he is obviously mad—really, really mad—judging by the way his jaw is clenching.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I swallow, and he lowers his head, bringing our faces so close together that his nose brushes against mine.
“Don’t start lying to me now, Cybil. Tell me what happened.”
“Okay.” I lift my hands between us and rest them against his chest, rubbing my lips together. “I realized I’m leaving in just a couple of days, and when I do, this, umm . . . this thing between us is going to be over. So I’m thinking it might be better to put some distance between us before someone gets hurt.” I feel nauseous and wonder if he knows the person who is going to end up hurt is going to be me.
“Is that what you want? You want this to be over when you leave and to just give up before we really have a chance to explore what this is?” he asks softly, and my chest starts to feel funny as my nose starts to sting. Gah, even just the idea of not seeing him after this makes me want to cry.
“No.” I swallow again.
“Can you stay in town for a few days after this trip?” he asks, and I nod, because I totally can. “Do you want to stay with me for a few days?”
“Yes,” I say softly, and the look in his eyes makes me realize that maybe he has been hurt too.
“Then that’s the plan, and we will figure out the rest.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Sunshine, did you really think I would let you go so easily?”
“I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” I admit, and he skims his thumb across my jaw right before he kisses me gently. And just like that, I don’t know up from down, but I also can’t bring myself to care.
Sitting next to the lake, with my hoodie up over my head to ward off the chill in the air, I watch the water ripple against the rocks as I dial Jade’s number. When I hear Avery laugh behind me, I smile; then my smile grows when Jade answers with a loud “Oh my God, Cybil. I’ve called you a million times!”
“Sorry.” I laugh, picking up a small pebble and tossing it into the lake. “We haven’t had phone service until today.”
“Are you okay? Are you having fun? What have you been doing? Tell me everything,” she rattles, and I shake my head.
“I’m good, for sure having fun, and there’s so much to tell you, but I don’t have the time today. We just stopped for lunch, and this is the only time I’ll have cell service until we get back to the lodge the day after tomorrow. Are you okay? How are things there?”
“I’m good. Things are good,” she says; then she pauses before adding quietly, “I had lunch with Galvin yesterday.”
“Oh.” I drop my eyes, not sure what to say.
“He got married,” she blurts, and I blink, positive that I heard her wrong.
“What?”
“I told myself that I would wait to tell you when you got home, but I just . . . I don’t want you to find out from someone else, or on social media, since it’s all everyone is talking about.” She takes a breath as I stand and make my way farther down the beach. “He . . . God, Cybil, he married Chris in Vegas the day you left for Montana.”
“Chris,” I repeat, trying to wrap my mind around what she’s telling me. “Chris—his roommate from college Chris?”
“Yes,” she confirms, sounding unsure.
“Oh.” I close my eyes as things begin to fall into place.
His third year at college, he got an off-campus apartment, and that’s when he met Chris. He broke up with me twice the first year of them rooming together, and I was not allowed to stay with him when I went to see him. Then a few months ago, he went to spend a week with Chris in Seattle—something he did every couple of months. When he came home, things seemed different between us. There was a distance that wasn’t there before, and he stopped wanting to be intimate.
I didn’t really dwell on it too much, because I knew he was busy and I was too. Plus, planning the wedding of his mom’s dreams was stressing us both out. God, I was so stupid. It also now makes sense why Chris seemed to hate me so much.
“His parents disowned him,” she says, and I take a seat as my chest starts to ache. I’ve known his mom and dad since I was a kid, and they are both very traditional. They always have been. Unlike some parents, who might come to accept their child when they open up about their sexuality, I doubt they will, which makes me wonder if that’s why he was with me.
“Is he okay?” I ask quietly, even knowing that he’s not and unsure if I should care. He’s always tried to do everything his parents expected him to do, and I’m sure he’s devastated that he had to choose between making his parents happy and doing what he knew would be right for himself.
“He’s upset. He hates that he’s hurt everyone, especially you. But . . .”
“But he’s happy,” I finish for her. “I’m glad for him. I mean, I’m pissed that he obviously lied to me for God knows how long, but I’m glad that he’s doing what’s right for him, that he’s finally being honest.”
“God, I fucking love you,” she whisper-hisses, and tears fill my eyes. “I told him that you would understand once you knew. I mean, I know you might not ever be friends again, but I knew you would still want him to be happy.”
“I will always want him to be happy,” I tell her quietly as I watch Tanner walk toward me carrying two plates of food.
“He’ll be relieved to hear you don’t hate him.”