It makes me antsy to wait, though. Every time I have a bad dream about Hannah’s death, I wake up with the knowledge that Julian hasn’t suffered for it. Not yet. I want to finally end him. The high and satisfaction of what happened at the club is starting to fade, and I have to remind myself every day to be patient.
Several days after the hit at the club, I get up and press a kiss to my fingers and then press my fingers to the picture of Hannah. I look at it for a long moment, missing her so fiercely it aches.
It’s worse now than the first time I thought she was dead. Then, I was filled with righteous fury, and I wanted to destroy everyone who had a hand in her death. But seeing her die a second time, even if it was the only real time she’d died, just hurt even more.
It was like getting her back and then having her ripped away. Some kind of cruel joke of the universe that stabs me every time I remember she’s gone.
I let out a rough sigh and change my nail polish again, removing all the black from the night at the club and going with a metallic blue this time. Blue was one of Hannah’s favorite colors, so it makes me feel a little closer to her.
Once my nails are dry, I get dressed and head downstairs to meet the guys.
Ash, Knox, and I go out, doing more digging into the inner workings of Julian’s business shit.
They know the right people to talk to, and it’s easier for me to go with them than wait at home, since seeing progress being made makes some of that antsy feeling go away. We’re working hard at this and not just stagnating, even if it feels like it’s not happening fast enough for me.
We talk to some of their informants, and Knox has a phone call with their hacker friend to see if there’s anything he can do to get access to some of Julian’s records. It doesn’t sound promising from what I can gather from the one sided conversation I can hear, but it’s something to think about.
“I gotta take a leak,” Knox says when he hangs up the phone.
“Charming,” Ash replies, sounding pained. “What a beautiful turn of phrase.”
Knox rolls his eyes. “Sorry, lemme try again. Please, sir. I need to drain the piss from my—”
“Okay, okay!” Ash cuts him off, laughing and waving his hands. “We’ll stop at the gas station. We could use a top off anyway, and I want snacks. That good with you?” He glances at me, and I shrug a shoulder.
“Sure. I like snacks.”
Ash grins and we get back in the car and drive to the closest gas station. It’s one of those stops on the highway that has gas pumps and a large convenience store, so people on long trips can stretch their legs and buy a lot of overpriced drinks.
Knox is out of the car in a hurry, going to the bathroom, and Ash and I take our time, walking through the aisles, checking out the snacks.
“What do you think about these donuts?” he asks, holding up a pack of them. “Good or trash.”
“Good trash,” I tell him, grinning. “They’re not mutually exclusive.”
“See, this is why I like you. You’re a genius.”
Knox comes out of the bathroom, whistling a little, and he joins our snack debate, talking about the benefits of spicy snacks over cheesy ones with Ash in a loud voice.
I glance over to see if any of the other people in the store give a shit, and my eyes fall on Julian and Natalie Maduro, coming through the door.
In this instant, it’s like time has screeched to a halt and all the air has been sucked out of the room. I don’t pay much attention to Natalie, but my eyes are locked on Julian. There’s a moment where he’s overlaid in my mind with how he looked before, standing in that alley with fury twisting his features, his gun raised.
I’m in a shop, not an alley, but it’s like I can hear Hannah’s labored breathing and feel her blood coating my hands all over again.
Ash and Knox take notice of my sudden stiffness and look over, and they both go immediately tense when they see who has just walked in. Knox’s stance shifts into one that makes it clear he’s ready to throw down if it comes to that, and Ash moves like he’s going to back him up.
Julian also looks wary, which is interesting. That smug swagger isn’t present at the moment, and he walks slowly toward where we’re standing.
Knox and Ash move to meet him halfway, and I follow them, my heart racing out of control in my chest.
Natalie flicks a disdainful glance at Knox, looking at him like he’s worth less than the dirt beneath her shoes. He doesn’t even react to her, all his focus on Julian.
“You know,” Julian says, speaking first, and even though he’s not making any sudden moves, his tone is dripping with condescension. “You’re lucky I’m willing to let shit lie after what she did.” He jerks his chin in my direction. “Trying to run off with Hannah.”
I get even more tense just hearing him say that. Like he’s worthy of speaking Hannah’s fucking name after he murdered her. Everything in me is screaming to attack him right here and now. To launch myself at him and claw his fucking eyes out. Or tell him everything we’re doing. How we’re working to dismantle his business piece by piece and leave him with nothing and really rub his face in it. But I don’t. I hold myself back with a shaky breath.
I have to play the long game with this if I want it to work.
But that leaves me with nothing to say to Julian. If I open my mouth, all the hate and anger will come spilling out, and he’ll respond in some smarmy, jack ass way, and I’ll have to kill him in this fucking convenience store. Either that or I’ll just start screaming, venting all the pain I feel inside. So it’s better if I just say nothing, and I bite down on my tongue to keep myself in check.
Ash and Knox take over, letting their anger and distaste for the asshole show, but they don’t give anything away.
“I’d say you’re pretty lucky too,” Ash says dryly. “Considering you didn’t even care about what was lost that day.”
“I cared about the wedding,” Julian snaps back. “Which didn’t fucking happen.”
“That’s not on us,” Knox snaps. “And if you wanna make something of it, then you can try.” He cracks his knuckles ominously, and Julian just sneers at him.
“I’m not going to get into this here. We’re square, as far as I’m concerned. I lost something I wanted, and so did you.” Julian looks at me again. “We can leave it at that.”
Comparing losing Hannah to missing out on being able to marry his sister to Knox is a pretty shitty move, and I bite my tongue even harder to keep from going off on him.
I already knew he didn’t respect Hannah at all, so it’s not like this is new information. Losing her doesn’t even matter to him. He still has their son, and that was all he wanted in the first place.
“You could at least pretend to give a shit, you know,” Ash says. “That your wife is dead. That’s what people usually do. They mourn, show up to the funeral and make some touching speech. It’s good for the act at least, since we all know you didn’t really care.”
Julian snorts. “Why would I waste my time with that?” he asks, sounding genuinely curious.