“Don’t. You are obviously capable,” she said, shouldering the bow.
“But Kahini-ji—” I wanted to defend myself.
“You are part of the palace now,” she said, stopping me. “I’m sure Kahini said many things on your short tour yesterday. But if you are incapable of telling an enemy from a friend, then it’s best to be alone.”
I felt like the most ignorant person in Jhansi. What was the matter with me? Living with my grandmother should have taught me that it was important to be wary of everyone.
Sundari strode ahead, and I was left to walk across the maidan behind her. When I reached the other Durgavasi, it was Kahini who spoke.
“Well done,” she said, although I could tell she really meant, Such a shame you didn’t fail. “The rani was about to send you back to your village. I don’t suppose you would have had such an audience there.” She was looking over my shoulder as she said this, at the throng of soldiers who had watched my three shots.
“And I hear that in these villages,” Rajasi added, “the women are all in purdah.”
“Yes. And purdah makes relationships with other women extremely important,” I said. “There is no room for snakes when all you have is grass to live in.”
Rajasi knew she had been insulted. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re clever enough to figure it out,” Jhalkari said, joining us as we began the walk back to the palace. She fell into step beside me. “Kahini told you to do it, didn’t she?”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell an enemy from a friend.
“Everyone was surprised when she volunteered yesterday,” Jhalkari said. “She must feel threatened by you.”
I felt a pang of worry. All of my dreams for Anuja’s future depended on my being in the Durga Dal.
“Sundari almost denied her permission when she asked,” Jhalkari said, smiling. “You must have seen her hesitate?”
I had, and I should have been quick enough to understand why.
“Please don’t judge the rest of us by Kahini,” she said. “Kahini and Rajasi are the only snakes in the grass here.”
“Then why doesn’t Sundari-ji dismiss them?”
Jhalkari’s smile thinned as we reached the courtyard. “They’re popular with the raja.”
“I thought we belonged to the queen.”
“And everything that belongs to the queen belongs to him.” After a moment she added, “And what belongs to him belongs to the British.”
In Barwa Sagar, we took our baths from a bucket. Here, an entire room was dedicated to washing. Thick beams of sunlight pushed their way through billowing curtains, illuminating a smooth marble chamber with long cedar benches and a single, sunken tub of truly enormous proportions.
This was where we went after our practice, so that we could prepare for the afternoon’s Durbar Hall. I found it impossible not to look around in amazement.
Following the other women, I swiftly undressed and took a long cotton robe from a polished bronze hook on the wall. I tied it around my waist. Then I sat on a wooden bench next to Jhalkari and did as she did, beginning by neatly folding my clothes and tucking them into a hollow space in the wall. I glanced at the servants waiting with thick bathing towels and sandalwood platters of richly scented soaps.
“How nice,” Kahini said with exaggerated politeness. “Two village girls helping each other. It was only two years ago that you had your first bath, wasn’t it, Jhalkari?”
As Kahini said this, the rani passed behind her.
“I hope you’re not being insulting, Kahini.”
“Not at all. I’m just remembering the day Jhalkari joined us.”
The rani walked toward the marble tub, and one by one, we all slipped out of our robes and joined her in the scented water. I had never felt such luxury. “Tonight,” the rani said to me, “I would like you to read something to us in English.”
I bowed my head. “It would be my pleasure, Your Highness.”
If you can imagine a fish taken from a tiny bowl and released into a giant pond, then you know how I felt that first time, bathing with the women of the Durga Dal.
I watched as a servant tenderly washed the rani’s hair while another scrubbed her skin. It was almost impossible to tell that the rani was with child. Her body was still slender; only her full breasts gave any indication that she might soon give the kingdom of Jhansi a boy, its long-awaited heir. The raja’s first wife had failed to give him a child. When she died, he took years before he chose our rani. And since then, nine years had passed. Which obviously meant that the problem was with him. I looked nervously at the other girls in the tub, hoping none of them could read my disloyal thoughts.