On Dublin Street

~13~


I was lying, staring at my ceiling, feeling the twinge between my legs and the ache in my muscles when I moved.


I’d had the best sex of my life last night.


With Braden Carmichael.


And then we’d spooned. I frowned at that, my head turning on the pillow to eye the empty spot beside me on the mattress. I didn’t like the idea of spooning being part of the deal, but since it came with added benefits, I was going to swallow my discomfort and deal with it. Especially since Braden had done the right thing and left without waking me.


That screamed, ‘just sex!’


This could work. I could do this.


The sound of a cupboard shutting in the kitchen drew me up out of bed, my heart picking up speed. Was Ellie home? And then my eyes fell to the end of the bed. Braden’s shirt. He’d picked it up off the floor. I checked my alarm clock. Eight o’ clock.


Shit. He was still here. What was he doing here? Didn’t he have work? Irritation niggled its way into my blood, and I could feel my cheeks getting hot as I hopped out of bed, digging out a tank top and pajama shorts. On the move, I twisted my hair into a messy ponytail and went to deal with him.


I stopped short at the kitchen doorway and felt that all too familiar squeeze of lust. Standing pouring milk into two mugs of coffee, Braden was hot. He had pulled on his suit pants but was of course shirtless. The muscles in his broad shoulders moved as he did and I couldn’t help but remember how good they felt moving underneath my hands.


“Two sugars, right?” he asked before looking over his shoulder with a small smile.


That smile hit me in the chest like a punch. It was intimate. It was affectionate.


It hurt like hell. My expression hardened. “What are you still doing here?”


“Making coffee.” He shrugged, adding the sugar and stirring.


“Don’t you have work?”


“I have a meeting in a few hours. I have time for coffee.” He smiled again as he crossed the kitchen to hand me my drink, my hand wrapping around the hot mug just as his mouth came down on mine. Addicted to the taste of him, I kissed him back. It wasn’t a long kiss. Short but sweet. When he pulled back I was scowling.


Braden sighed and took a sip of his coffee before asking, “What now?”


“You’re still here.” I turned on my heel and headed into the sitting room, tucking my foot underneath me as I curled into the corner of the couch. Braden sank into the armchair and I tried not to ogle him. My scowl deepened. “And you’re shirtless.”


His mouth quirked up at the corner like he knew exactly what the sight of him half-naked did to me. “I need coffee before I can function, and since I was making coffee for myself I thought I’d make one for you.”


“Surely you can function enough without coffee to call a cab?”


“And we need to talk,” he added, as if I hadn’t said anything.


I groaned and took a big gulp of hot coffee. “About what?”


“About your shifts at the bar for one thing. I might need you to accompany me on weekend nights. Any way you can see about having your shifts changed?”


I answered with a saccharine smile.


Braden raised an eyebrow. “Is that a yes or a no?”


“That’s a big, fat hell no. Braden, I’m not changing my schedule for you.” I shrugged. “Look, I’ll meet you halfway at best. If you have somewhere you want me to be and you give me plenty of notice, I’ll make a shift swap.”


He nodded. “Sounds good.”


“Is that it? Are we done?”


His eyes narrowed and I felt a sudden change in the air. Braden leaned forward and I leaned further back into the couch even though there was a coffee table between us. “Stop treating me like a one-night stand you can’t get rid of, Jocelyn. It’s getting on my last nerve.”


I was seriously confused. “You said this was just sex.”


“I also said we were friends and you agreed. Are you this rude to all your friends?”


“Sometimes.” He gave me a warning look and I exhaled heavily. “Look, I just don’t want this to get complicated. Don’t you think spooning and then making me coffee in the morning is a little…”


“A little what?”


“Uch.” If he was going to be obtuse about it, I was giving up. “I don’t know.”


Braden put his mug down and stood up, coming towards me slowly. My eyes followed him half-warily, half-lustily, my gaze trailing up his six-pack to his throat. I really wanted to kiss his throat. He sat down, close, his arm reaching along the back of the couch so I was caged in. “I’ve never done this before. I’ll bet that you haven’t either. So, let’s play it by ear. No rules. No preconceived ideas of how this should be. Let’s just do what feels natural.”


“You’re wrong,” I muttered. “I have done this before.”


To my surprise, I watched Braden’s expression change instantly from soft to hard. The look he gave me was unfathomable as the muscle in his jaw ticked. I felt like he was trying to bore inside me, but I couldn’t look away despite how uncomfortable it felt. “Done this before?” he asked softly.


I shrugged. “There was nothing in the deal about sharing our sexual histories. Suffice to say I know what I’m talking about. And there is no spooning or coffee in the morning in these kinds of deals.”


“Done this before?” he repeated. “I thought you said you hadn’t had sex in four years. That would make you eighteen the last time you had sex.”


Oh, I saw where he was going with that. I narrowed my eyes. “So?”


“When I was eighteen, most of the girls I knew thought they were in love with whoever they were shagging.”


“And?”


Braden shifted closer, trying to intimidate me. “So when have you done this before?”


“That’s none of your business.”


“F*cking hell, Jocelyn, can you not answer one personal question?”


Anger blazed through me. I knew it. I freaking knew it. “That’s it, we’re done. This was a complete mistake.” I moved to get up but found myself tackled back onto the couch, flat on my back with Braden lying over me. I stared up at him wide-eyed. “You are such a caveman!”


An all-too-familiar pissed off Braden breathed dragon fire on me, his face inches from mine. “We’re not done. We’ve barely even started.”


I shimmied under him but that only concluded in him pressing his hips deeper into mine, and that only led to him hardening against me, and that only led to my skin flushing as my panties grew damp. Shit! “Braden, this isn’t going to work. I’m not your girlfriend. You said no touchy feely emotional crap.”


He bowed his head, his shoulders shaking. He gazed down at me from under his long lashes, laughing incredulously. “You are not like other women.”


“No,” I answered honestly. “I’m not.” He shifted again, getting comfortable on top of me and I felt the brush of his hard cock teasing me between my legs, my thighs opening involuntarily. I bit my lip to stifle a gasp and Braden’s eyes flashed hungrily. “Stop it,” I breathed.


“Stop what?” he circled his hips again, rubbing against me and causing another spike of heat between my legs.


“Braden.” I pressed my hands against his chest. “Seriously.”


“We’re friends,” he whispered against my mouth. “Friends can ask questions. Now who did you let f*ck you?”


Fine. If that’s what he wanted… “Quite a few guys. I don’t remember most of their names.”


He froze, pulling back to study me. I saw the tick in his jaw again. “What the hell does that mean?”


Whoa! Was he angry? I glared at him, my defenses up. “I don’t do relationships, Braden. I told you that. But I like sex and I used to like to party. Alcohol doesn’t make for a loving relationship.”


He was silent a moment as he processed this. In fact he was silent so long I knew what he was thinking. And I felt ugly and worthless. I pushed against his chest again. “You can get off me now.”


But he wouldn’t budge. He shook his head, his expression clearing as his eyes returned to mine. “Four years,” he replied quietly. “You hadn’t had sex for four years. Since you came here I’ll bet. What changed?”


“That’s another question.”


Braden’s expression darkened to something so scary I was finally, truly intimidated. I tensed underneath him, holding my breath as his pale eyes fired ice chips at me. “Did someone hurt you, Jocelyn?”


What? Oh my God… I relaxed as I realized what conclusion he’d drawn. “No.” I reached up and soothed a hand across his cheek, hoping it would erase that look in his eyes. “Braden, no. I don’t want to talk about it, okay,” I explained gently. “But no one hurt me. I was wild. And then I stopped being wild. However, I wasn’t lying last night. I’ve been checked and I’m clean. And anyway, I’m sure you’ve been with a lot more women than I’ve been with guys, and I’m not judging you.”


“I’m not judging you, Jocelyn.”


“Oh you were so judging me.”


“I wasn’t.”


“You were.”


He sat up, his arm banding around my waist to drag me up with him, and then his other arm came around my waist so I was smooshed up against his hot, naked chest. My palms fluttered uneasily onto his pecs, my eyes wide as he stared down at me with this intense look in his eyes. “I don’t like to share,” he murmured.


He’d said that before. Something twisted in my chest, a mixture of exaltation and unease. “Braden, I’m not yours.”


His arms tightened. “For the next three months you are. I mean it, Jocelyn. No one else touches you.”


My body completely ignored my mind as it screamed ‘run, run, run!’, and I felt my breasts swell, and my nipples harden at that growl of warning. “You’re being an ass,” I told him hoarsely, my eyes betraying me as they dipped to his mouth.


“I wasn’t judging you,” he continued as though I hadn’t said anything, skimming soft, teasing kisses along my jaw to my ear, where his voice rumbled sexily, “In public, you’re Joss Butler. Cool, self-possessed. In bed, you’re Jocelyn Butler—you’re hot, babe. Uncontrolled. Needy. Sweet,” he breathed. “I like that I know that. I don’t like the fact that other men do too.”


Maybe I was just so turned on I forgot who we were and what this was supposed to be, but I found myself in an unusual moment of honesty. I leaned down and kissed his throat, loving the way he arched his neck to let me. My hand slid up his chest, across his shoulder and curled around his neck. I nipped and licked and kissed my way back up to his mouth, and then I pulled back, so ready to have him inside me it wasn’t funny. “They were boys, not men. And just so you know… they never got what you got last night from me. They never got it because they never gave me what you gave me. Not even close.” I brushed my lips across his, and glanced up to meet his eyes, smirking at him. “There. That’s a little more air you can blow into your ego.” My grip tightened around his neck. “But it is the truth.”


I waited for him to say something, anything. Instead the color in his eyes grew dark with desire and I was crushed to him. His lips demanded I open my mouth and I did, allowing the deep, possessive kiss, trying to steal breath from him since he held me so tightly that mine was gone. In less than a minute I was under him. In less than another minute I was naked, and in less than another he was moving inside me and proving once again that sometimes I really could be needy and sweet.


***


I strolled into the bedroom, dressed in the tank and shorts again, and I watched as Braden buttoned up his shirt. He grinned at me over his shoulder. “Making sure I’m really going?”


I shrugged, feeling a lot more relaxed now that he’d given me two spectacular orgasms. “We’ll play this by ear.”


His grin deepened. “This is going to be easy if all it takes is sex to change your mind.”


I gave him an exasperated look. “Braden. I’m serious. We’ll play this by ear, and while we’re sleeping with each other, we agree not to be sleeping with other people. But we also agree, no pressing each other for answers to questions we don’t want to answer.”


After a while of just gazing at me, Braden finally nodded. “Agreed.”


“Okay. Agreed.”


“I better get back to my flat, shower, change.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, his hand coming to rest on my waist. “I’ll see you tonight.”


I frowned. “No. I’m working tonight.”


“Yeah. Adam, Ellie and I will stop by.”


“No, you won’t.” I shook my head. Not after last time. And truthfully I needed some space from him.


Braden’s brow furrowed. “Why not?”


“I’ll be working. No distractions.”


“You working with Craig?”


I grimaced. “Yes.”


His grip on my waist tightened. “He kisses you and-”


“You’ll knock his teeth out.” I nodded, rolling my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I already got the macho Scotsman memo. Nothing will happen. I promise. But you’re not coming tonight.”


“Fine.” He shrugged in overly casual agreement. “Then I’ll be here when you get back.”


Okay, I almost nodded my agreement before my brain went, wait! No! No, no, no! “No!” I replied a little more loudly than I meant to.


Braden did not look amused. “Not even twenty four hours in and this arrangement is already exhausting the f*ck out of me.”


“Well you’ve given me four orgasms. That oughta take it out of a guy.” I grinned saucily.


My deflection didn’t work. “I’ll be here, tonight.”


“Braden, seriously don’t. This is all really new. I need some space.”


“Babe.” He leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to my forehead and I relaxed. See, he could be agreeable and willing to compromise sometimes. “We’ve only got three months. There’s no time for space.”


Or not.


“I’ll be tired after my shift.”


“Not in the morning, you won’t be.”


“Then come over in the morning.”


With a weary sigh, Braden nodded. “Fine.” He pulled me to him, lifting me off my feet so he could give me a searing, wet kiss he knew I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. And once he’d settled me back on my dazed feet, he left the apartment without even a goodbye.


***


“Do you think I’m nuts?” I made a face, bracing myself for Dr. Pritchard’s answer.


“Because you’ve agreed to make yourself sexually available to Braden?”


“Yeah…”


“Joss, you’re a grown woman. These decisions are yours to make. Do you think you’re nuts?” She smiled softly as she asked.


I laughed humorlessly, as I thought about Braden and everything he made me feel. “I think it’s the best way to deal with the attraction between us. This way it doesn’t become a huge mess that concludes with me having to move out. Neither of us wants a relationship. We’re both consenting adults. We both know the rules. I would never agree to anything more, so it works out well. We use each other until we get bored. No hard feelings. No mess. No moving.”


“But you could have just walked away from Dublin Street. Put Braden out of your life for good rather than come to this agreement with him. Why didn’t you?”


I frowned, thinking that was obvious. “Because of Ellie. She’s my friend.”


Dr. Pritchard nodded carefully, taking this in. “So you’re willing to explore something with a man who you previously said scared you because of how he made you feel, and you’re willing to do this because of your friendship with his sister?”


“Yes.”


“So you’re willing to care about Ellie… but not about Braden?”


Wait. No. What? “That’s not…” I trailed off, feeling my chest tighten. “Ellie’s a friend. That doesn’t mean anything. I like her. I don’t want to lose her, but that doesn’t mean anything.”


Dr. Pritchard sighed, for once looking a little irritated. “You know, Joss, this process will go a lot smoother if you stop lying to yourself.”


I took a deep breath, focusing on opening my lungs up. “Okay.” I nodded. “I care about her. She’s a good friend and a good person.”


“And yet, you tell yourself all the time that you care about no one. That you will never care enough to get close.”


“It’s not like she’s my family,” I bit out, desperate to make my point, make her see how I saw things. “It’s not the same thing.”


She cocked her head to the side in the way I hated. “Are you sure about that? I think from everything you’ve told me, Ellie treats you like family.”


“You’re twisting what I said.” I shook my head, feeling that familiar headache. “I care about people. I never said I didn’t. I care about Rhian and James, and yeah I care about Ellie.”


“So why won’t you let yourself care about Braden?”


I looked at my feet. “It’s just sex,” I muttered.


“But there’s no guarantee that’s true, Joss,” Dr. Pritchard answered quietly. “No one can predict how you’ll feel about Braden by the time the three months are up. Or how he’ll feel about you. And considering you’ve told me that your feelings for Braden scare you, I suggest you think on that carefully.”


“The way I felt for him sexually scared me. It’s intense. But I can deal with it. It’s just sex,” I repeated stubbornly, and somewhere deep down, buried under all my steel, there was a voice telling me I was willingly sticking my head in the sand.


***


“So, is it true you’re banging Braden Carmichael?” Jo asked loudly as I poured my customer a pint of Tenants.


The customer caught my answering glower and grinned sympathetically as he took his drink. “Why don’t you say that a little louder, Jo? I don’t think the people in the back heard you.”


“Alistair caught them.” Craig waggled his brows suggestively as he reached past me for a bottle of Bailey’s. “Said he was practically in your knickers.”


Alistair had a big mouth.


I shrugged indifferently at the two of them and took my next customer’s order.


“Oh come on,” Jo complained. “I had my eye on him. I want to know if he’s off the market.”


Ignoring the flash of anger I felt at that, I shot her a cold smile. “You can have him when I’m done.”


Jo’s mouth fell open. “So it’s true? You’re sleeping with him?”


Apparently so, although the sleeping thing hadn’t originally been part of the deal. The son-of-a-bitch had snuck that in. I raised an eyebrow at my colleague, refusing to get into the details.


Her face fell. “You’re not going to dish the dirt?”


I shook my head and leaned over the bar to take another order.


“Kin ah hae a mahjito, Jack in Coke, a boatil eh Millers… aw aye in eh Stace wahnted a Cosmo. Dae ye dae Cosmos?”


Luckily, working in a bar for four years in Scotland had given me plenty of practice in understanding not only the thicker accents, but the drunk, thicker accents.


In translation: Can I have a mojito, Jack and Coke, a bottle of Millers… oh yes and uh Stace wanted a Cosmo. Do you do Cosmos?


I nodded and reached down to the fridge for the Millers.


“Is he good?” Jo was suddenly in my face again.


I sighed wearily and brushed past her to start making the Cosmo.


“Is it exclusive?” Craig called down the bar. “Or can we still shag?”


“What do you mean still?” I scoffed.


“Is that a no?”


“That’s a hell no.”


“Oh come on, Joss,” Jo begged. “I’ve heard he’s an ‘effin stallion in the sack, but that’s second hand gossip. Give me first hand.”


“Tell you what,” I mused, “Why don’t I give you first finger?” I flipped her off. Yeah, I know, not the most eloquent or mature response but she was really starting to bug me.


Jo scowled. “You’re no bloody fun.”


“Guess I’m not.”


The atmosphere at the bar was nowhere near as warm and electric as it had been last weekend. Jo was pouting, Craig didn’t seem to know how to act around moody me, and I was, well, moody, because I was stuck inside my own head.


I couldn’t get the memories of last night and this morning out of my mind, and if I was honest with myself, I was irritated and uneasy at the fact that I was actually looking forward to seeing Braden tomorrow. I was trying to worry less about my decision to get into this arrangement with him. I wanted to just enjoy myself. It was just taking me time to relax into it.


It helped that Ellie was cool about the whole thing. I guess I didn’t know what to expect from her, but I thought there would be more disapproval than there was.


She’d walked into the apartment earlier that day to find me at my laptop. I’d discussed my idea to write a contemporary novel based loosely on my mom and dad with Dr. Pritchard and she thought it was a good idea. Therapeutic even. However, I’d yet to start it—fear gripping me tight every time I’d laid my fingers against the keys to begin. Writing it would mean opening up all the memories, and I didn’t know if I could handle the inevitable panic attacks. The good doctor said the idea was to get to a point where the memories no longer caused a panic attack, and she thought the writing might be a nice way to ease me into that.


After Braden left, I’d managed to write the first page. I was staring at that incredulously, astonished that I’d actually put words down, when Ellie got home and immediately stopped by my bedroom.


She grinned knowingly at me as I turned in my seat to greet her. “So… how are you?”


I wasn’t one to get easily embarrassed, but I have to admit it was a little awkward to know Ellie knew I had had sex with her brother. I made a face. “Is this going to be too weird for you?”


“You and Braden dating?” She shook her head, her eyes bright. “No way. I think it’s great.”


Uh oh. I cleared my throat, remembering Braden didn’t want to lie to her. “Actually, Ellie, we’re not really dating. It’s more of a physical thing.”


Ellie seemed surprised. “You mean like friends with benefits?”


Actually, I prefer the term f*ck buddies. Ellie would never say the word ‘f*ck’ though. “Pretty much.”


She crossed her arms over her chest, her expression curious. “Is that what you want?”


I nodded. “You know I’m not looking for a relationship.”


“And Braden?”


“The whole arrangement was his idea.”


Ellie rolled her eyes. “Braden and his damn arrangements.” She heaved a sigh of exasperation. “Well, if it’s what you both want then fine. Just as long as it doesn’t affect you and me, I’m cool with it. It’s completely unromantic, but whatever.”


I smirked at her. “I promise we’ll be fine. So, we’re cool?”


Her returning smile was adorably lopsided. “We’re cool.”


To prove that we were cool, we spent the afternoon together, wandering Princes Street, and colliding with little bundles of tourists here and there who stopped repeatedly to take photographs of the majestic Edinburgh Castle. It loomed high on its rock, creating a surreal clash of modern meets medieval… and some chaos, since the tourists taking the photographs didn’t give a crap where they stopped and how many people stumbled into them in their abrupt need to capture the wonder of it. For a few hours, we were in and out of every clothes store in the city center, trying to find a dress for Ellie to wear on her date that night. That’s right. Date. She’d met some guy called Jason in Starbucks and he’d asked her out, and she’d said yes. She said he was cute, but I got the feeling this was more to do with sticking it to Adam.


Still, I worried a little for her. This was her first date since the Adam fiasco and she seemed really nervous when she left. My anxiety over the whole Braden situation was splashed with a healthy dose of curiosity, wondering how Ellie’s date was going. No wonder I was such a killjoy at work. For the first time in a while, I was desperate for my shift to end so I could go home and overthink in the comfort and quiet of my own home.


The bar closed at one in the morning. After clean up, I got home around two. When I stepped into the apartment, I saw light from under the sitting room door. It seemed Ellie was still awake. Wanting to make sure she was alright, I pushed the door open quietly and drew to a complete halt.


The only light lit was the floor lamp at the back of the couch, and lying in the peaceful gloom, his body sprawled on the couch, his feet dangling over the edge because of his height, was Braden. His eyes were closed. He looked so young with his lashes fanned across his cheeks, his features slack with relaxation as he slept. It was weird seeing him like that. Usually, I felt the eight year age difference between us. He was more mature, together, responsible, and decisive. But lying there, he could be mistaken for my age. He was way less intimidating like this and I liked it. A lot.


Open on the table was a black folder, a couple of documents loose from their plastic pockets. Braden’s suit jacket was draped across the armchair, his leather shoes on the floor next to the coffee table, and an empty mug sat near all the paperwork.


He’d come here to work?


More than a little bemused, I backed quietly out of the room and closed the door. I’d thought he and Adam would have been out on a Friday night?


“Hullo.”


I whirled around to find Ellie standing in the kitchen doorway, still wearing the pretty peach summer dress she’d bought for her date, although she was sans the high-heeled, gold sandals that made her legs go on forever. I followed her into the kitchen and closed the door behind us so our voices wouldn’t travel and wake up Braden. “How was your date?”


Folding her arms over her chest, Ellie leaned back against the counter with a very displeased expression on her face. Uh oh. “Not good.”


“Oh God, what happened?”


“Adam happened.”


My eyes widened. “Okay. Explain.”


“Braden called me earlier to tell me he had to work late tonight again, but Adam was free and was wondering if I fancied grabbing something to eat, maybe catch a movie afterwards. I told Braden to tell Adam I had a date with Jason.”


“Right…?”


Ellie’s face flushed, her pale eyes sparking angrily. “He called me five times during the date.”


I tried to choke down my laughter and only kind of succeeded. “Adam did?”


“Whatever Jason got from the five one-sided conversations, he said clearly I had ‘stuff’ going on and he was looking for something uncomplicated. And then he left.”


“Wait,” My look castigated, “You didn’t pick up every time Adam called?”


She flushed again, this time from embarrassment. “It’s rude to ignore someone.”


I huffed. “Ellie, be honest. You love that the idea of you being on a date with some other guy is driving Adam crazy.”


“He deserves a little torture.”


“Wow. You are so much more bloodthirsty than I thought.” I grinned. “It’s brilliant, Ellie, it is. But how long are you planning on keeping this up? It must be exhausting. Wouldn’t it just be easier for you both to sit Braden down and explain to him that you have feelings for each other? He’ll just have to accept that.”


“It’s not that simple.” Ellie bit her lip, staring dazedly at the floor. “It could ruin Adam and Braden’s friendship. Adam would never take that risk for me.” She shook her head sadly, and I felt a pang in my chest for her. Adam needed a serious wake up call. “Speaking of,” she glanced up at me with a curious frown between her eyebrows, “I came home a few hours ago and found Braden here doing his work. Said he was waiting for you. Aren’t you going to wake him?”


Well, considering I told him to give me some space tonight, no. He could get a crick in the neck for his trouble. “No. He looks wiped. And I’m wiped. He should have gone home.”


Ellie’s eyes were teasing. “He must have enjoyed himself last night if he’s so eager to see you again so soon.”


I snorted. “Do you really want to have this conversation about your brother?”


She thought about it and wrinkled her nose. “You’re right. Boo.” She pouted. “You date a guy and I can’t even have girly talks with you about it.”


I laughed softly. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m not exactly the girly talking kind of person. And Braden and I aren’t dating. We’re just f*cking.”


I was rewarded with a prudish pursing of her lips. “Joss, that’s so unromantic.”


I pulled the door open quietly and winked at her. “But hot.”


Leaving her to make ‘gross’ faces, I headed into the bathroom and got ready for bed. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.