The fucking bird lied.
I can’t fly.
I didn’t soar to the sky and find freedom and peace.
And where is he now, with his endless taunting and promises?
I haven’t heard a peep out of him since I took a nosedive off the roof.
Freedom my ass, douchebird. You fucked me up even worse.
Look what you’ve done to me.
Look what you’ve done to us.
Chapter Fifty-Six
I can’t stand being in a hospital. Just the smell of it makes me feel queasy. And the germs that could be lurking in the air, and on any surface. The germaphobe in me is on high alert. I’ve washed my hands so many times my skin is dry and raw.
Worry and bursts of crying wouldn’t let me rest or sleep and thankfully Ditra stayed on the phone with me almost all night long listening to my tearful tirade. I couldn’t stop replaying my entire history with Blue in my head. I analyzed every memory, every word spoken, every action and reaction. I’m sure I must have missed some big clue that should’ve set a bell off in my head that something was wrong, but I didn’t.
What I missed were hundreds of tiny clues. Some were cleverly hidden, and some were plain as day now that I’m looking for them, but not at all obvious at the time. The man I love with all my heart and soul was struggling in ways I can’t even comprehend and I had absolutely no idea it was even going on.
A lump of sadness and regret sits in my throat that I can’t swallow away. I let Blue down, I was blind and deaf to his pain, and I almost lost him.
How could I not know? What the hell was wrong with me?
Now I can’t help but wonder—was he ever really happy, or was it all some kind of mirage he created?
“You never truly know a person,” Ditra said last night. Maybe she’s right.
Over the years Blue and I have spent hours upon hours talking. We’ve touched each other in every way imaginable, been as close as two people can possibly be. I’ve tasted him, swallowed him, slept with him, woken with him. I’ve laughed with him and cried with him.
So how did this side of him slip through the cracks? Was I always too distracted with our relationship to notice? Did he purposely distract me so I wouldn’t see?
Reece and I meet up at the hospital at nine a.m., and the nurse can only tell us Blue is in stable condition because the doctor isn’t available to speak to us. We wait in the waiting room until noon, when Reece convinces me to walk down to the hospital café to grab something to eat. He admits to me over lunch that he also was up all night asking himself the same questions and beating himself up.
As we’re walking back to our designated waiting room, Reece stops short and stares at a woman standing in the main lobby of the hospital, who’s leaning over the reception desk.
“Ho-ly shit,” he mutters under his breath. “I can’t believe she came.”
I squint at the woman with the long, jet black hair who looks vaguely familiar to me. She appears to be in her early fifties, beautiful and very well dressed, with an air of class and control about her.
“I want to see him right now.” I can hear her berating the nurse. “You get the doctor immediately. Do you know who I am? Who he is?”
“Who is that?” I ask Reece, glancing up at him. I know I’ve seen her before, but I cannot for the life of me place her face.
“It’s Ellie Von Bleu, the opera singer.”
I shake my head in confusion, not knowing who that is but of course I know that last name.
“Blue’s sister,” Reece adds, as if I should already know this.
My God. Suddenly it hits me. She’s the woman from the park I saw years ago. The one who Blue said he stopped to chat with. She gave Acorn a tennis ball.
The room spins and I lean against Reece for balance. I had no idea Blue had a sister. He never mentioned her—other than that day in the park when he described her as just a girl he talked to sometimes.
“He’s never mentioned her,” I say. “How does she even know he’s here?”
“I called her last night. I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure she would actually come.”
I stare at him with mounting anger.
“You could’ve told me. Do I have to be kept in the dark about everything? I’m his fiancée and I have no idea what’s going on. Now relatives are coming out of the woodwork and I feel like an idiot.”
He blows out a breath of frustration. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to add more confusion to the mix if I didn’t have to. I told you, I didn’t think she’d show up. They haven’t seen each other in years.”
“You still should have told me. What is she going to think of me? I’m engaged to her brother and I wasn’t even the one who called her because I didn’t even know she existed!”
Taking my arm, he leads me across the lobby toward Ellie, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to her. This is the most horrible way to meet a future sister-in-law. She’s going to think I’m a total flake.
“Piper, trust me, she’s not going to think bad of you.”
She appears frustrated with the woman behind the reception desk, and turns in our direction as we near.
“Reece,” she exclaims with relief in her voice. “There you are. Do you have any news? I can’t get anywhere with these people.”
They embrace, and she kisses one of his cheeks, then the other.
“We’re waiting for the doctor. We just went to get something to eat.”
I stand next to Reece awkwardly, feeling lost and small. Ellie is tall and gorgeous, and she has Blue’s eyes, which are looking me up and down.
“You must be Piper,” she states. A flash of fear zaps through me. What if she blames me? I’m Blue’s fiancée—the one who should be making him happy. What if she thinks I’ve done something to Blue to make him miserable? People who are happily in love and planning a wedding don’t try to commit suicide. What if everyone is secretly blaming me? What if they’re right?
I swallow and nod, and she surprises me by pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheeks.
“How are you holding up? You look absolutely panicked.” She holds my hands in hers and searches my face with kindness on her own. “I wasn’t expecting you to be so young.”
“I’m not,” I reply. “I’m just really short.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “You’re adorable. I can see why Blue is drawn to you. Forgive my manners, I’m exhausted and stressed and I’ve been on a stuffy plane forever and this is all just so unexpected.” She looks up at Reece. “Although I guess it’s really not, is it? I mean, we all know Blue…”
Do we? Do any of us know Blue?
We go to the waiting room together to wait for the doctor. Koler and Vic, who were there earlier are now gone, so we have the room to ourselves.
“He’s stable?” Ellie asks, removing her dark brown leather coat. “Do we at least know that much?”
Reece nods. “Yes. He’s got a bunch of broken bones and he’s beat up, but they told us he’s in stable condition.”
“Physically, at least?” she adds, raising her perfect eyebrows.
“Yeah.”
She sits across from me at a small round table near the window, and I feel a bit cornered because I just want to be alone and sort through my thoughts. I’m still trying to pinpoint a moment of when Blue may have acted suicidal.
“I remember you,” she says. “I saw you with Blue and his dog in the park. I was so hoping he would introduce us, but he just walked away…”
“I remember you, too. He told me you were just a girl he spoke to sometimes.”
She shakes her head and purses her lips. “Of course he did. And I’m sure at the time, that’s what he believed.”
“Are you saying he had amnesia?”
“No, I’m saying that at times he wasn’t exactly in touch with reality.”
I wonder what’s worse—not remembering things, or not knowing if your memories are real.
“So that day in the park, did he know you were his sister? Or not? I’m sorry, but this is all very confusing. He told me had a brother, but he never mentioned a sister.”
“We don’t have a brother,” Ellie says simply.