“He absolutely is not spending the night.”
“Then call my cell later when you can.”
“All right,” I relent. “I’ll call you... but I really need to do some thinking about everything. You have to slow your roll a little.”
He laughs. “Look at you with the badass lingo. You’re so cute.”
His smile ebbs away some of the sadness in my heart, and I love him the way he’s been tonight—so open with all his emotions, driven and communicative. A little pushy? Yes. But that’s okay.
The question is: how long will he stay this way?
Chapter Thirty-Four
My life always seems to be in some stage of effed up. I’m not even sure why. I think I’m a pretty normal person just trying to live a normal life. I stay in my bubble. I try to do the right thing. I do my best to treat others well. But I still find myself in stressy positions that I had no intention of getting into.
Like having to face Josh at my house after just seeing Blue.
When I get home, Lyric is on the couch with her favorite stuffed animal and about five books scattered on her lap. Josh is on the other end of the couch with his laptop. I kneel down next to Lyric and kiss her forehead.
“How’s my girl?” I ask.
“Did Acorn go to the rainbow bridge?” she asks solemnly.
“Yes. He’s an angel now.”
Tomorrow I plan to wrap up the locket with Acorn’s photo and a tiny piece of his fur and mail it to her. She believes in angels and Heaven. I know it will mean a lot to her when it arrives. She’ll cherish it. In her sweet, innocent mind, she’ll believe that it came from him.
She picks up one of the books and points to a little girl playing a harp. “I want to do this,” she says.
“Read this story?” I ask.
“No,” Josh says, shutting the lid of his laptop and putting it off to the side. “She wants to play the harp.”
“Can I, Mom?”
“Wow, the harp?” I exclaim.
“Yes, like an angel,” she answers.
I wonder if she has her father’s musical talents, and now I can’t wait to find out. “Of course you can. I’ll find out where to get you one. Do you want to take lessons, like with a teacher?”
She nods excitedly. “Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll find out everything as soon as I can. I think it’s a really neat idea.”
Josh hangs around while Lyric gets ready for bed, and I’m dreading the questions I know are coming. My head hurts from crying, and I’m exhausted and depressed about Acorn. The last thing I want to do is talk to anyone right now. I just want to crawl in bed and escape from everything.
“Was it peaceful?” he asks as I straighten out the living room and put Lyric’s books back on the bookshelf. “For Acorn?”
The ache returns to my chest as the vision of Acorn closing his eyes for the last time passes through my memory.
“He just kind of went to sleep. It was very quick. And just really sad.”
“At least he didn’t suffer. He was a good dog.”
I nod and head to the kitchen with an empty glass that was next to the couch. Josh follows me and leans his shoulder against the door frame, watching me fill the dishwasher.
“Did he show up?” he asks, trying to sound casual. Archie wanders in and sits in the middle of the floor, observing us with a smug expression.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And we talked,” I answer.
“Your lipstick is smudged.”
I automatically touch my lips and wipe the corners.
“I was crying, Josh, and blowing my nose.”
“And kissing.”
My frustration jacks up. “Do you see a ring on this finger? Nope. Am I in a relationship with anyone? Nope. Do both of you put me in impossible, awkward situations because you don’t know what you want? Yup!” I push past him on my way back to the living room.
“I was trying to be patient by asking you out on a real date, Piper.”
“I know, and I appreciate that. I really do. But kissing me totally came out of left field and you know that.”
“I thought you liked it. I thought maybe you felt the same way.”
“I did like it. And to be honest, I’m really not sure how I feel about anything or anyone right now. I was open to going on a date with you to see how we felt about each other... to see if we could be more than friends.”
“Was? As in not anymore?”
“As in I have no freakin’ idea! Did you guys like plan this? To make me mental and sandwich me in your fuckedupness?” I snatch a blanket off the floor and fold it before draping it over the back of the couch.
“So he’s trying to weasel his way back in?”
“I don’t know.” I run my hands through my hair in exasperation. “He wants to meet Lyric.”
Josh leans forward and shakes his head in disbelief. “Seriously? All of a sudden now he wants to be a father? What’s he going to do? Take her to a kegger? Drag her around on tour? Spend the day with her then disappear until her eighteenth birthday?”
“All valid points,” I agree. “And definitely things I’m going to consider. But he is her father and I’m not going to keep my daughter from meeting her father. That’s not fair. She’ll resent me someday if I do that, and I’d like to keep my relationship with my daughter in a healthy place so we don’t end up like me and my parents.”
He crosses the room and grabs his coat from the closet by the front door. “I guess you’re right. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt, Piper, that’s all. I’m gonna leave the ball in your court. Your head’s always been a mess over him. I thought that shit was in the past, but now it seems like it’s back. Am I right?”
I slump into the couch, feeling defeated and shitty. I don’t want to hurt Josh’s feelings. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. But I can’t deny that deep inside, my heart is peeking out of the darkness hoping for Blue to come mend all its broken pieces forever.
“I’m not really sure. I told him the same thing, for the record. I also told him about you. I’m not playing games or lying to anyone.”
“I know you’re not. That’s not you.” He shoves his arms in his jacket. “I’m gonna hit the road. I’ll call you in a few days.”
“Thanks for staying with Lyric for me. It really means a lot to us.”
“Anytime,” he says as he walks out the front door. I immediately get up from the couch and lock the door behind him, then go down the hall to my room, checking on Lyric as I pass her room.
The house feels empty without Acorn. Even though he was such a quiet dog, there’s a strange, lonely silence where he once was.
“You called. I was starting to think you were going to blow me off.”
“I almost did,” I admit, stretching out across my bed. Archie pauses licking his paw to glare at me for the intrusion.
“Ouch. Brutal honesty.”
I sigh with exhaustion. “Sorry, but it’s true.”
“So what made you decide to call?”
Stupidity, most likely.
“I didn’t want to leave things just hanging. It drives me crazy when we do that.”
“Me too. We do it too much.”
“It’s definitely a pattern.”
“How’s Lyric?”
“Sad, but she seems okay. She told me tonight she wants to learn how to play the harp.”
“The harp? Shit, that’s a lot of strings to tune. Do you think she’s serious?”
“Lyric is always serious.”
“There’s a chick who plays the harp on our tour for one of the song intros. I could ask her what kind to get an eight-year-old.”
“That would be great because I’m clueless. She wants to take lessons.”
“Would you let me buy her the harp and pay for the lessons?”
“You don’t have to do that. I can—”
“I want to. You have to let me start somewhere, Piper. You don’t even have to tell her, but for fuck’s sake let me feel like I’m doing something for my kid.”