I’m close to delirious with want—wanting to give him everything, wanting him to take everything. Wanting him to never leave again. Wanting to stay in this moment forever. Wanting to forget, wanting to hope.
I drop my head against the bed when he releases his hold on my neck so he can grab my legs and swiftly flip me over. I’m dragged to the edge of the bed, lifted up onto my knees, and spread wide before him. He inches his hand lightly up my back, skimming over the goosebumps, and grabs my hair, twisting it around his hand and tugging my head up and backward to meet his mouth. His hips slam hard into my ass, driving his cock balls-deep into me. He growls against my mouth like a wild animal when I arch my back, angling myself to take him deeper. My walls stretch around his thick cock, my fingers clench the bedspread. He sucks my tongue into his mouth, moving his free hand across my belly, up to cup my breasts, squeezing my nipples into the channel of his fingers. The heat coming off his body is like a fire enveloping us and our bodies, slippery with sweat, slap against each other. I’m spinning into euphoria, falling fast down the rabbit hole, going back to that exquisite place where there’s no time, no place. There’s just us.
I break away from his lips, gasping for breath and whimpering as orgasms quake through my body. His ab muscles tense deliciously against the small of my back, his breath quickens, and I feel his body pulse inside me.
Leaning his forehead against the back of my head, he rests there, catching his breath before slowly pulling out and rolling onto his back next to me. I crawl into his outstretched arm and rest my head against his chest. I trace small circles over his stomach with my fingertips and watch his muscles dance beneath my touch.
His voice, soft and deep, is melodic in the dark quietness of the room. “I know I show it in messed-up ways, but I really do love you,” he says.
“I know, Blue. I never doubted that.”
His heart beats wildly under my head. He moves his hand lazily up and down my arm. I can feel him thinking.
“Do you love me, Piper?”
I sit up to face him, even though we can barely see each other in the dark. “I love you more than words can say. I never stopped, not for a minute.”
He gently squeezes my shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” He rises from the bed, disappears into the bathroom for several minutes, then comes out with a white towel wrapped around his narrow hips. Next he goes out on the balcony and lights up a cigarette, and I watch him smoking and looking out over the city.
I wonder what he’s thinking about.
I wonder what I’m doing here.
I wonder why I’m so afraid to tell him why I came here.
I wonder where we go from here, and from there, when I tell him.
I have to tell him.
While he’s smoking I find my way to the bathroom and wash my face and fix my major bed-head. I sit on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub and stare down at my shiny pink-tipped toenails, trying to regroup my brain. I didn’t think we’d go from zero to sixty tonight. I should have slammed on the brakes before things careened straight to his bed.
When I come out of the bathroom, he’s lying on the bed, propped up on a pile of stark white pillows. It’s odd seeing him in a room surrounded by lamps and furniture and television remotes.
“You have a glass shower and a huge jet tub,” I say.
“Weird, huh?”
I crawl onto the bed next to him and he pulls me up against him, wrapping his tattooed arm around me as if we’ve never been apart.
“You deserve to have nice things.”
“To me it’s just stuff that water comes out of.”
I giggle and turn to kiss him. “You’re adorable.”
“I want to try again.”
The smile slowly fades from my lips. Not because I’m not happy, but because I’m confused and unsure.
“What do you mean?”
“Us. We could try again, right?”
“Yes. We could.” I swallow hard over the lump of cautious excitement in my throat. “I mean, I want to. Really. Things are a lot different now though...”
I place the first breadcrumb down and hope he follows it.
“I know. But we could do it. I could stay with you when we’re off tour. And we could still see each other when I’m touring. We could fly to each other.”
I went from dating a guy who lived in a shed to a guy who now tours and flies around the world. It’s hard to grasp he’s the same guy. I wonder if I would fit into his new, exciting life, or if I’d feel totally out of my element with him.
But when I move the layers of his new lifestyle to the side, Blue is the same. He’s still quiet, honest, and passionate. He still makes me feel like I’m the only woman on the planet that exists in his eyes. He walked away from a room full of paying fans to be alone with me—just like he walked away from the listeners in the park to come sit with me years ago.
In his own way, he’s incredibly romantic.
He’s still my Blue.
Having money, a band, fans, and a busy schedule hasn’t changed who he is or the things I love about him. I don’t see any sign of a man who has turned into a player or who hops from woman to woman. It might take a while, but I could accept his career and everything that comes with it as long as it doesn’t change him.
“That’s true,” I finally say. “We could find ways to make it work. Lots of people do it.” My mind tries to wrangle how I’d work that out between my job, a four-year-old, and two pets. Blue isn’t the only one who’s living a different life now. My life is completely different, too, and he knows absolutely nothing about any of it. Just as I would need to accept his new life, he would also have to be willing to accept mine.
And most of all, he would have to accept our daughter. Unconditionally.
“My drummer’s got a long-term chick. They work it out.”
We reach for each other’s hands at the same time and entwine our fingers together. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, Piper. I was blown away when I saw you tonight. It’s like fate brought you back to me. I even dreamt about you a few nights ago. And now you’re here and it’s like we were never apart. I think I can do it right this time. I’m flat out with the band and writing new songs and all that other shit, but I’ll make time. I can be better now.”
“There was nothing wrong with you before,” I interject.
“No, there was and I know it. I was tumbleweeding all over the fuckin’ place. I had all kinds of shit in my head and I could never get the words or the notes right and everything else just spiraled and it was just too much and that’s why I got headaches and felt sick. But it would be better now and we could be together. I’m leaving tomorrow night for the next show, but you could come with me.” The frantic speed of his words and his overly excited tone is sweet yet equally alarming. “I’ll make sure we have a room with a big tub and lots of soap and towels and we’ll have a big bed like this one. And you can come to the show every night and watch me like you used to in the pub, remember? I used to love that, looking out at the crowd and seeing your big beautiful eyes watching me. We could have cheeseburgers every night and we can fall asleep together in a real bed, just like you wanted.” His arm tightens around me, as if he’s pulling me into this scenario with him. “We could be together again, me, you, and Acorn.”
When he finally pauses to take a breath, I jump in.
“I wish I could do all that but I have to work, Blue. I can’t just take time off without any notice. I want to. More than anything. But I’d have to put in vacation requests with HR. I have over a month of vacation time but I can’t just take off whenever. We can still make plans, though. You’ll have to let me know your schedule and we’ll see what we can make work and talk about everything else.”
“Oh. I forgot about all that.” His tongue piercing clicks his teeth. “It’s okay. As soon as we can, we’ll get together. And I can call you. Every day. I have a phone now.”