“I don’t think he’ll do it again. And if he does? Or if he acts fucky as you so nicely put it? Then we’ll deal with it together, like couples are supposed to.”
He blows out an irritated breath. “You don’t deserve that. Don’t you want a good relationship for once? Ditra and I talked about this a few weeks ago. For years we’ve watched you ride this rollercoaster with him. I’m not even saying you and I should try, Piper. I understand our ship sailed a long time ago. I’m saying you need an entirely new start with someone who can give you a hundred percent of themselves and not put you through an emotional grinder.”
Did I miss the memo that the rest of the population was perfect? Maybe there’re some couples out there who have never had a fight, never had any issues, and it’s been smooth sailing for them, but it seems like most couples go through varying degrees of messy at some point, no matter how much they love each other.
“Honestly, Josh…I don’t really think that exists with anyone. Nobody’s perfect. Everyone has baggage. You know that just as well as I do. And why do I deserve better? There’s nothing about me that deserves the Lamborghini of men. I’m just a boring average chick who only wants to be happy.”
“I just don’t know why you want to be with somebody so…high risk.”
“Because I love him. People don’t have to be perfect to be loved. They can be broken and sick and messed up and ugly. Everyone deserves love. And he makes me happy. When we’re together and things are good, I can’t imagine ever being happier than he makes me. I’m sorry if you don’t understand it, or if you’ve never experienced it, but I don’t have to justify our relationship to you, or anyone.”
He leans back in his chair and locks his eyes onto mine. “You’re sure? You’re really sure you want to stick this out with him?”
“Yes,” I answer without any hesitation. “I’m positive. And I want you to stop being so negative about it. Everyone has to throw in their two cents, and I’m sick of it, Josh. Ditra, my parents, people at work—everyone keeps telling me that Blue might lose his mind, or I’m the crazy one for wanting to be with someone with a mental illness. The only person who’s supportive of me and Blue is Reece. I’d really like people in my life to be supportive and I shouldn’t have to keep asking them to. If things work out, and I believe they will, he’s going to be my husband. And he’s Lyric’s father. I don’t want him treated like some sort of criminal by my friends and family.”
He stares intently at me for a few minutes, like he’s trying to get into my head, or maybe see into the future to see what’s in store for me. Or maybe for all of us.
“Okay,” he finally says. “Ya know what? You’re right. I’m being an asshole. I’m not going to say anything else. I’ll do my best to be on your side, because I’m your friend. I’ll even hang out with you guys when he comes back, and I’ll make a sincere effort to get to know him and be his friend. I just hope this guy knows how lucky he is.”
“Thank you,” I say. “That would mean a lot to me. I just want peace and happiness and love. That’s it.”
I sound like a hippie chick from the seventies. This is what my life has come down to.
“I’m actually seeing a girl. So if Blue’s going to be around, maybe we could all go for dinner?”
It may take a bit of convincing for Blue to want to hang out with Josh, since he’s stayed a little pissy about us living together years ago, but if they at least tolerate each other and don’t badmouth each other around me, I’ll be happy.
I smile and fuss with my pretty flowers a little more. “I’d like that. What’s she like? Any phobias or odd tendencies that will drive you mad before the fourth date?”
He laughs. “You’ll be glad to hear that we’ve had more than four dates and I still like her.”
I make an overly surprised, ridiculous impressed expression. “Wow. It sounds serious.”
“It might be. Who knows. She’s smart, she’s wicked sexy, she’s independent. I have no idea what she sees in me.”
“You’re smart and wicked sexy, too. Not very independent, sadly, as you seem to be afraid of the empty rooms in your house. But you guys could still be a great match.”
“Very funny.”
“Does she know?”
“That I go both ways?” he interrupts. “Not yet. Do you think I should tell her? Does it matter?”
Does it?
“Hmm. I’m not sure, really. I don’t know anything about these things. I guess if it makes you confused in your feelings for her, then yes, you need to tell her.” Having been on the wrong end of that myself, I can attest to the fact that it sucks. “But if you’re not confused and it poses no threat to your feelings or treatment of her in and out of the bedroom, then I don’t see why you’d have to tell her. That’s sorta like just telling people you hate seafood when you first date them. Is it any of their business that you don’t like shrimp? It has no bearing on your relationship, right? But if she asks you if you’ve ever been with a man, or if you like men, then yes, you have to tell her. Honesty is best.”
“Right.”
Lyric appears in the doorway, wearing her new fringy boots, with tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Honey the boots are beautiful, why are you crying?”
“Is it true?” she sobs. “About Blue?”
My heart sinks deep into my gut as Josh and I exchange a panicked look across the table.
“What do you mean?” I ask innocently, even though I know exactly what she means.
“On the internet… it said he tried to-to—” She bursts into tears, covering her face with her hands. Josh and I jump up. He knocks his chair onto the floor in the process as we rush to kneel in front of her to console her.
“Honey, he’s fine,” I say quickly. “I just talked to him this morning. And he sent me the flowers the other day.”
Her blue eyes swim with tears. “He’s not gone? Or dead?”
“No,” Josh assures her. “Your dad is not dead.”
Her bottom lip quivers. “But he tried to? Why?”
“It’s very complicated, Lyric.” God help me, I have no idea how to talk about this to a child.
She sniffles and rubs her eyes with her palms. “Why would he do that? Doesn’t he love us anymore?”
“Of course he does. He just felt overwhelmed…and the doctor accidentally gave him the wrong medicine and it made him feel very confused. He would never leave you or hurt you.”
“Then where is he? Why hasn’t he called me in so long?” she demands. “You said he was playing concerts and then you said he was resting but he hasn’t even called me. He always calls me and I learned all these songs for him and he hasn’t called me at all.”
“Lyric, he really is at a hospital. He had some broken bones, so he’s been in a lot of pain and sorta grumpy. And he had to talk to some special doctors about why he feels depressed and confused sometimes, but he’s feeling much better, and his body is healing. He asked about you this morning and I told him all about your new songs and how you’re teaching Mickey tricks. He’s excited to talk to you and see you again.”
She narrows her eyes at us. “Are you lying to me?”
“No,” Josh insists, putting his hands on her shoulders and forcing her to look at him. “Your mom is telling you the truth. I promise you.”
She stares at us both with the first look of severe distrust I’ve ever seen in her eyes and it cracks my heart in two. This is how children lose their magic and innocence—from the crap life deals.
“Why didn’t you tell me? He’s my dad…”
“It’s very, very private. And he wanted to talk to you himself. When I talked to him this morning, we talked about him coming to visit. He loves you. It’s hard for him to talk about all this and he’s not ready yet. You know how sometimes when you don’t feel good and you just want to be alone, and lie in bed and nap and watch TV? That’s how he’s been feeling. He just needed some time alone to rest.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m positive.”
“When can I talk to him, then?”