Chapter Forty-One
I’M STANDING NEXT TO IAN naked at the edge of the bed. He’s staring down into my eyes, holding me close.
“Why not just be spontaneous?” he asks, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world to run away with someone you hardly know, from a top left state to a bottom right one.
“I don’t know. Because it’s irresponsible?” My argument sounds weak to my own ears.
“Screw being responsible. I’ve been responsible my whole life and look where it’s gotten me.”
“In a great life with a great family?”
“Lonely. Wishing I were somewhere else living a life with someone I’m not related to by birth.”
“But … you’re country and I’m city.” I want to believe this thing between us could work, but it feels like I should try and talk us both out of it. That’s what Andie would want me to do. She’s going to be so pissed. It makes me feel sick inside.
“I’m not completely country and you’re not completely city, either. Don’t try and tell me you are.”
I shrug. I might have argued this point with him a few days ago when I was slipping and sliding all over the ice, but today, I can’t. He’s totally right. I am a cow momma after all. And I did buy a gun and shoot a lion with it. None of that would ever happen in Florida.
He points at my face. “You’re trying to come up with arguments and you can’t.”
“No, I’m just thinking that I did like the cow stuff and the boots are really cute here.” I don’t mention the gun because then he’ll give me crap about shooting him again.
“See? And you like chickens.”
I scrunch up my face. “I’m not sure about chicken butts, though.”
He frowns. “Chicken butts? Who said anything about chicken butts?”
“The egg thing …,” I say, waiting for him to catch on.
“Listen, if you don’t like chicken butts, we don’t have to have ‘em. I just thought you’d like fresh eggs.”
“We? What do you mean we?”
He gives me a wonky smile. “You didn’t think I was talking about just taking a vacation out to Orlando, did you?”
I’m suddenly having a hard time breathing. I have to back away from him to find the oxygen I need to survive.
“What’s the matter?” he asks, his arms frozen out in front of him as I put some distance between us.
“I just … I just … I just need to breathe.” My face is suddenly cold and sweaty while my ears are on fire. “I think I’m about to spontaneously combust.”
He chuckles. “That’s just nerves.”
My gaze darts around the room, searching out my missing clothing items. I need to get dressed. I need to get out of here. I need to think, and I can’t do that with Ian so close, so cute, so in lust with me.
I’m sure that’s what this is. Lust. He’s overcome by lust and has tricked himself into believing he loves me. The pain that thought does to my chest is awful. I have to hold my heart to make it stop. Maybe it really is love.
But, ack! Guys don’t do this kind of thing. This is my thing, falling for someone completely inappropriate. I totally lied before. I’m not a flinger. I don’t do flings at all. I only fall in love. That’s me. That’s who I am. But I’ve never had someone do it back to me. No wonder all those guys ran away from me. Talk about pressure. Talk about scary shit!
“Tell you what,” Ian says, putting his pants on and then his shirt, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. “I’ll let you think on it, and in the meantime, we can go to the bar and talk to Ginny.”
“Yes,” I say pointing at him. “That is an excellent idea. Let’s fix Andie’s life.” Before I destroy my own, I need to make sure hers is solid. That’s the least I can do before I turn their entire household upside down.
I realize then that this is only going to end badly for the MacKenzies. Either I take Ian away and we fall even more madly in love and they hardly ever see him again, or I leave him here broken hearted and even more bitter than ever.
Holy shit. What have I done?