Chapter Thirty-Eight
I WALK IN THE DOOR and hear voices in the kitchen. Following the sounds, I find Andie there sitting at the table and holding the baby. Maeve is hovering over them.
“Oh, Sarah’s here!” I say, dropping my purse on the ground at the entrance to the room.
“Her mother’s here too,” Andie says in a wry tone.
I wave her off. “Yeah, yeah, but it’s the baby that everyone wants to see, you know that. She’s new, you’re old. Get used to it.”
Andie tries to kick me as I approach, but I’m too nimble for her post-pregnant butt. I jump to the side and keep coming until I’m able to crouch down by my god-daughter.
Sarah is completely wrapped up in a puffy blanket. The only thing showing is her tiny pink face. Her eyes are closed and she’s making sucking faces.
“Awww … look … she’s dreaming about nursing. How cute is that?”
Andie smiles. “She’s pretty cute, that’s for sure. I can’t stop staring at her. She’s such a miracle.”
I look up at the weird tone in her voice to see Andie crying.
“Why are you sad about that?”
“I’m not sad,” she says, all weepy, “I’m so happy, I can’t stand it. I never knew being a mother would feel like this.”
I nod. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“You do?” Maeve asks. “Do you have any children?”
“Yes.”
Andie’s eyes bug out. “No, you don’t.” She’s frowning in confusion.
“Yes, I do. Her name is Candy and she’s out in the barn.” I lift my chin a little. “Ian and I are her foster parents.”
Andie shakes her head. “You’re crazy.”
“Crazy like a fox.” I look up and wink at Maeve.
“What was that?” Andie’s pointing at my face.
“What was what?” I am innocence personified. There’s no way she’ll get anything out of me. All I have to do is play stupid for a few minutes and this will all blow over.
“That wink.” She’s still pointing at my face. “You just winked at Maeve and don’t act like you didn’t.”
I blink several times. “I had a snowflake in my eye.”
Andie narrows her eyes at me. “Snowflakes, my ass. It’s too warm in here for a snowflake.”
“It was snowflake residue, silly. From all the pollution.”
“You are so full of it.” Andie turns her attention to Maeve. “Tell me what she’s scheming about. I know she’s got you involved.”
Maeve’s eyes open wide and she looks from Andie to me.
I pantomime slicing my throat, but Andie turns really quick and catches me.
She slams her hand palm down on the table, startling the baby. “Tell me!” she insists.
“Whoa,” I say, standing and backing up a little. “Hello, hormones.”
She glares at me as she bounces the baby, trying to get the little thing to close her eyes again. From what I can see over here, she’s too terrified to let her guard down, and I don’t blame her. Andie’s acting crazy.
“It’s not hormones. It’s me being cranky about being in the dark.”
I pat her on the hand. “Never you mind. Auntie Candice has it all under control.”
“Auntie Candice is going to get a chunk of hair cut out of her ‘do while she’s sleeping if she doesn’t start talking,” Andie says in a deadly calm voice.
I put my hands on my head in a protective gesture. “Holy harsh. What has Baker City done to my friend, anyway?” I feel like I’ve been accosted by a terrorist. What’s next? My fingers? Is she going to lop those off too?
“It made me a no nonsense person is what it did. Tell me what you’ve been up to while I’ve been up all night feeding this little monster.”
I walk over to Andie slowly and reach down. “Give the babyyyy to meeee … there we gooooo … everybody’s happyyyy…”
Andie slaps me away. “You can hold her after you’ve confessed.”
My hands go to my hips, angry that I’m being not only threatened but thwarted. “Are you denying me my rights as a godmother?”
“I’ll be denying you a whole lot more than that if you don’t start talking.”
I’m completely deflated. I barely make it into a chair before I’m totally boneless. I can hardly hold my head up to look at the shell of my former best friend. She looks like a pudgy Andie on the outside, but inside …? She’s pure demon.
“Don’t you think you’re being a just a little … hard?” Maeve asks, acting like she’s ready for Andie to blow. Andie is a grenade, that’s for sure.
“Are you kidding me?” Andie looks at me and then Maeve. “This is the girl who two years ago single-handedly caused an entire city to stop serving buffalo meat because she convinced people that the animal was on the endangered species list.”
I frown, recalling that little nugget from my past. I don’t know why she always has to bring that up when things don’t go her way. My heart was in the right place.
“It’s not my fault Google lied,” I say in my defense.
Andie bugs her eyes out at me. “Google is not a person, okay? I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that.”
I look towards the door, thinking a nap might be a good plan for me right now. A nap behind a locked door. I’m not sure I can manage Andie’s mood swings with the grace that’s probably called for in this situation.
Maeve cuts in to save me. “Well, buffalo aren’t endangered exactly, but they certainly aren’t as common nowadays as they used to be. And cattle are much more plentiful, so maybe it’s not a bad thing if people give the buffalo herds a chance to grow bigger.”
I point to Maeve. “Yeah, see? I was doing you guys a favor. Do you know how much business you’ll lose if everyone starts eating buffalo? A lot, that’s how much. And then how will you pay for Sarah’s college?” I nod to drive my point home.
Andie looks at me with no expression, just blinking a few times. That scares me more than any mood she might have been in before. This is her lawyer face, and she’s a really good lawyer.
Andie lowers her head a fraction, never breaking eye contact. “Tell me what I want to know.”
I could fight her, but I realize it’s pointless. She’s like a dog with a tasty bone sometimes. One of those bulldogs that gets lockjaw.
“Fine. You want to know so bad? I’ll tell you. Maeve and I …”
Maeve holds up her hand. “Just to be clear, I wasn’t exactly part of the planning committee.”
“Hey!”
Andie holds up her hand to stop us from having the side argument that I was planning to use to distract Andie. Dammit.
“I know, Maeve,” she says. “She ropes people into her schemes all the time.” Andie goes back to staring at me, waiting, silently demanding my explanation.
I am so ready to leave this place. Some mean bitch has taken over my best friend’s body and turned her into someone I would never hang out with.
I stand, making the chair scrape across the floor. “You know what? I need a nap.”
Andie grabs my wrist. “Sit. Stay. Have some coffee.” Her voice is a tiny bit less mean, but it’s still not good enough to make me want to listen.
“No, thanks. I’m all coffeed out for one day.” I turn to go, but she still has me in her grip. I’d yank myself away from her, but I’m afraid Sarah will end up on the floor.
“Please? For me?”
I grit my teeth and glare down at her. “Your emotional roller coaster is giving me whiplash, Andie.”
She starts crying. “I know.” She’s weeping as the words come out. “Me too.”
“Oh, poor baby!” Maeve exclaims, rushing over to kneel down and pat her on the back. “It’s okay, sweetie, everything is going to be fine!”
Andie looks down at Sarah, still holding me in her kung fu death grip. “I love her so much! Why do I keep crying about it?”
“Baby blues,” Maeve says, smoothing her hair on her head. “It’s totally normal. You’re just hormonal. It’ll go away on its own or we can get you some medication. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
I sit down across from her, feeling bad that I jumped to the conclusion that my friend was consciously being awful to me. She finally lets me go, leaving red marks behind on my skin.
“I’m sorry, Andie,” I say, letting go of all my plans for future pouting. “Don’t be mad at me.”
Andie shakes her head. “I’m not mad at you. I love you. I could never be mad at you.”
I try to smile. “Even though I tried to plan a baby shower for you and it didn’t work out?”
“You did that for me?” Her crying goes on pause.
“No, I just told you. I tried to do it but it didn’t work out.” I give Maeve a knowing look. “But I’m pretty sure I know why now, though. And I’m on it, believe me.”
Maeve lifts an eyebrow.
“Do I want to know what you’re talking about?” Andie asks, sniffing as she wipes her nose on her sleeve. She sounds exhausted.
“No, you do not.” I nod my head once for emphasis. “Ian’s helping me, so don’t worry.” I look at Andie’s mother-in-law. “Maeve, you’re off the hook.”
“Oh. Good. I think.”
“So, do I get to hold that dang baby or what?” I ask, huffing out some air in annoyance. Time to change the subject.
Andie gives me a watery smile. “Of course you can. You’re her godmother.” She hands the bundle over to me and makes sure I have a good grip before she lets go.
“Good. Finally.” I look down at Sarah who has miraculously fallen asleep, even in the middle of all the drama. She’s already tough as nails, apparently. “Open your eyes, baby girl. You need to memorize my face before I leave.”
Andie starts laughing and then her laughter turns to tears again.
I shake my head in pity at my friend. “Don’t worry, sweetie. As soon as I’ve got Sarah imprinting on me, I’m going to Google that baby blues thing and get you all fixed up.”
Andie laughs through her crying jag. “Thank you, Doctor Candice, Internet M.D.”
I smile back at her, happy now that she’s acknowledging my skills. “You are very welcome.”