Don’t be jealous, it bleeds out red.
Trust your heart inside of your head.
~ Romeo’s Quest
I knew it was stupid, and I knew it shouldn’t bother me, but it did. Jake was coming onto Ashlyn more and more each day at school. Walking past Ashlyn’s locker, where Jake was hovering over her, I paused close enough so I could listen in. I felt like such a dumbass, thumbing through my paperwork, acting as if I were busy.
“So I was thinking… The school dance is coming up before Thanksgiving break and I was wondering…” Jake’s voice cracked from nerves and he gave Ashlyn a smile. “Maybe we can go together?”
Ashlyn glanced toward me and held her book closer to her chest. She frowned toward Jake and turned him down. The bell rang, and he wore his disappointment on his face, mostly in his eyes.
A couple walked by, laughing and holding hands, and Ashlyn’s eyes stayed glued to their hold. A knot formed in my stomach. I knew she thought I didn’t notice, but I did. She looked at the couples walking hand in hand at school with such envy. All signs of public displays of affection never went unnoticed by her. She longed to hold my hand in the light, not only in the shadows.
When third hour came and went, I asked her to stay after for a minute so I could talk to her. Her eyes looked hooded; she seemed tired.
“You can go, you know—to the dance with Jake.”
“No, I’m good,” she lied, cradling her books.
“But you love to dance,” I said.
“With you. I love to dance with you, Daniel.”
“You’re disappointed.”
Her head dropped and she nodded slowly. “It’s just—your hands are right here. My hands are right here. And we’re not allowed to touch.”
My pinky wrapped around hers and I felt a sigh shake through her body.
“I’m sorry, Ashlyn.”
“Not your fault. Just our lives, I guess.”
My throat tightened. “If you want out, just say it. I promise you it’s fine.”
Her eyes widened and glassed over. “I don’t. I want this, Daniel. I’m just having an off day. That’s all.”
I heard what she was saying, but I knew she had to miss the things normal couples did. Dinner dates. Movies. Weekend getaways.
“Romeo’s Quest is performing at Joe’s bar again soon…” I said, getting lost in her green eyes. “You should come.”
Her smile widened and I saw her eyes light up, too. “You mean, go out somewhere other than the lake house?” She paused and giggled. “Don’t get me wrong. it’s a nice lake house and all, but it’s just—”
I cut her off. My finger was still wrapped around her pinky and I nudged my classroom door closed slightly. Taking her hand fully into mine I pulled her closer and my lips took hers in. I kissed her quick but deep. She nuzzled on my bottom lip and kissed me back harder as the bell rang for fourth hour to start.
“You’re late for class.”
I could feel her smile against my mouth as she spoke softly. “Totally worth the tardy slip.”
We were performing at Joe’s bar the weekend before Thanksgiving. Randy set up an agreement with them for people to bring canned goods to be donated to the hunger force. I thought it was such a Randy thing to do—to find a way to give back.
Ashlyn showed up behind the library for me to pick her up holding two cans of corn and a notebook in her other hand. She looked so adorable with her cans and beautiful smile. I pulled up to the curb and she hopped into the car.
“Hey.” She leaned over and kissed me on the lips before she buckled her seatbelt. “I’m going to write tonight while I listen.”
“You’re writing again?” She hadn’t mentioned her novel since the first night we’d met at Joe’s bar, so I was stoked to hear her mention it.
“Just random things. Nothing major.”
“Very major,” I said.
We arrived at the bar to have Randy come bouncing up to us. “Hey! You came back to see me,” he said to Ashlyn, placing his hand over his heart. “I’m flattered. I really am. But I think my friend Danny here has a small crush on you.”
She laughed. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. The other day, I walked into his room. He was talking in his sleep and cuddling his pillow, calling it Ashlyn.”
My eyes widened and I turned to Ashlyn. “That’s not true.”
Randy nodded quickly. “It is.”
Ashlyn took my hand into hers and giggled. “It’s totally true, isn’t it? You’re addicted.”
I couldn’t deny that.
Randy’s phone went off and he excused himself to go answer it, leaving me standing with Ashlyn. “I gotta get set up soon. Want anything to drink?”
Ashlyn grabbed my shirt and ran behind me. “Oh my gosh!” she squealed, covering her face.
“Uh, it’s not that big of a deal… A simple no would have worked.”
“Shit shit shit,” she whispered. It was pretty cute to hear her curse; it made me want to kiss her that much more.
“What’s going on?” I questioned, trying to turn around to look at her.
“Henry,” she breathed into my shirtsleeve as she pointed toward the bar.
My eyes shot up and I saw him sitting there drinking. “Oh shit!” I whispered, pushing her out of the building. We ran to the side of the bar and took in deep breaths. “What is he doing here?! Did he know you were coming?”
“No! No! I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Well where does he think you are tonight?” I asked.
She shrugged. “He never asks. I doubt he cares.” I saw a small tremble in her bottom lip.
“He would be crazy not to care.” I paused. “He can’t know, right? He doesn’t know. He can’t.” My insides were twisting at the idea of her father, my boss, finding out about us.
Ashlyn pushed herself against me, giving me a deep kiss. “I need to go before he sees me. I think I’m going to head home. Just to be safe.”
I kissed her back, loving her taste. I grabbed my keys from my back pocket and tossed them to her. “Take my car and drive home. You can park it down the street from your house. Then you can give me my keys back sometime tomorrow.”
The first snowfall of the season started that night, and I looked up to the sky as a few flakes fell to my face. Then I watched the snowflakes hit her long, beautiful eyelashes.
I kissed the bridge of her nose. “Spend some time writing. I want to read whatever it is you come up with.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” She stood still. “This is kind of fun, isn’t it? The almost-getting-caught thing?” Her nose wiggled and her tongue pushed into the side of her cheek.
“You’re absolutely crazy.” I took her bottom lip with my mouth and sucked on it gently. “Absolutely crazy.”
“Only for you, Mr. Daniels. Only for you.”
My hands roamed down over her ass, and I kissed against her neck. “‘Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow…’” I said, quoting Romeo and Juliet.
“‘That I shall say good night till it be morrow.’” She moaned lightly and giggled. “Mmm…I love when you talk dirty to me.”
Only we would get turned on by William Shakespeare.
“Oh! This is for you.” She handed me a letter from Gabby, started toward the car, and paused, looking back to me. “He looked a little sad, didn’t he?” she asked, frowning toward the bar. “Do you think you can check on him?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Thanks.” With that, she walked away.
I fell even more for her in that small moment. She thought Henry didn’t care about her whereabouts, about her at all, yet she was still concerned about his well-being.
“Henry?” I asked, walking up to the bar.
He looked nothing like he did during school hours. He was wearing a gray polo that was wrinkled, and his hair was all over the place. His green eyes looked up at me, and at first, he looked surprised to see me standing next to him. Slowly, his face relaxed.
“Dan, hey. What are you doing here?”
I slid onto the stool next to him, inviting myself to chat even though he didn’t look like he was in a talking mood. His hands were gripped around a glass of whiskey. His scent was buried in tobacco. For a moment, I inhaled the scent, letting it remind me of my father.
“I’m in the band, Romeo’s Quest. How are you?”
He looked up at me with perplexed eyes and laughed. “Do you want the professional reply or the truth?”
I waved down the bartender and ordered us both another whiskey. When I got them, I slid it to Henry. “Whichever one you want to share.”
He paused and rubbed his thumb on the rim of the glass. “I’m fine,” he lied. His eyes were heavy. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, months even. “That was the professional answer.”
“And the truth?” I questioned, feeling bad for the guy.
“The truth is…I’m falling apart.” He took a long swallow from his drink. “My daughter died a few months ago.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
“I wasn’t there for her or Ashlyn all their lives.” He looked down at his glass, his head hanging in shame. “After Kim left me to move to Chicago, I mentally checked out. I hadn’t checked back in until August. And by that point, it was at my daughter’s funeral.” He choked on the final words and wiped his hands across his face.
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say a thing. My hand still rested against his shoulder. I could feel his body shaking from his nerves as he continued speaking. “And now Ashlyn’s here. I feel like I have a shot at connecting with her, but I don’t try. I hardly know anything about her. Her likes, her dislikes. I don’t even know how to start a relationship with my own daughter.”
I ran my hands over my mouth before I placed one hand around my glass of whiskey. Bringing it to my lips, I took a swallow. “That’s a tough situation.”
He turned toward me, his eyes red from emotion, and he laughed. “I should have just told you the professional reply, but it seems that the whiskey is getting the best of me.”
“Where’s Ashlyn now?” I asked, knowing yet wondering what his reply would be.
“I don’t know.” His head hung low. “I don’t ask her to check in with me, because what right do I have? It would be kind of a*shole of me to start playing the father card when I never was a father.”
“I think she would want you to though.” He arched an eyebrow at my comment. “I lost my father a few months ago. Our relationship wasn’t always perfect, but it was good. Yet if I had a chance, I would try more. I should’ve played the son card a little more. You missed an opportunity to connect with Gabby. Don’t miss one with Ashlyn.”
He nodded slowly, taking in my words and thoughts. I stood up from my chair and started walking over to the stage.
“Hey, Dan?”
I turned back to him. “Yeah?”
His eyebrows furrowed and he frowned. “How did you know her name? Gabby’s?”
Oh shit.
My heart landed in my throat as I stared at the sad man. My mind went on speed, racing faster and faster, searching for an excuse. “You mentioned it.”
His drunken eyes fell heavy. He was searching his mind for our conversation. “Oh. Right. Of course,” he muttered.
I sighed heavily. “She seems to be really into music, Henry. In class, Ryan and she are always talking about it. And books—she loves books.”
“Books and music.” He gave me a sad grin, “That’s a good starting ground, eh?”
“The best.” I nodded, stuffing my hands into my pockets.
Randy walked over to me and slammed his hands on my shoulders. “Where’s the lady?” he shouted, making my face go pale.
“Oh? Is your girlfriend here?” Henry asked, sitting up and looking around.
“Yes,” Randy replied.
“No!” I shouted. Randy arched an eyebrow at me and I pushed down on his shoulder. “Henry, it was good seeing you. Stick around for the show!” I said as I guided a confused Randy away.
“What the hell was that?” he fussed.
“Ashlyn’s father,” I whispered.
“Already meeting the parents?” he smirked, shoving me in the shoulder.
“No,” I hissed. Randy looked at my sudden shift in character and waited for me to explain. My hand brushed against my temple and I frowned. “That’s my boss.”
“Ohhh, I see.”
I nodded. “And Ashlyn is my student.” That was the line that made Randy’s jaw drop to the floor. His eyes bugged out and he listened as I explained how we didn’t know beforehand. “I know I should stop but…”
“Holy shit,” Randy sighed, the palm of his hand resting on the back of his neck.
“What?”
“You love her.”
“What?!” I laughed nervously, rubbing my hands together. “That’s ridiculous. I hardly know her and—”
“Dude, don’t give me that ‘I’m a man and can’t express my feelings’ bullshit. You love her. I haven’t seen you smile this much over a girl since my sister.”
“I…” I knew he was right. But that scared me. How could I love Ashlyn and not be able to show the world how I loved her? We couldn’t even go out to see my show tonight, and I had a feeling that wouldn’t be becoming any easier.
“Confucius said, ‘Wherever you go, go with all your heart,’ Danny.” Randy placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Did you just quote Confucius?”
“I did. And it was awesome.” He smiled my way and shoved me. “Come on. Let’s get set up.”
Arriving back home, I tossed myself into bed, exhausted from the show. Randy had somehow managed to bring two girls home with him, and I could tell they were having a little too much fun in the living room. He had a thing for having his own naked music parties nowadays.
I picked up my cell phone and texted Ashlyn. She was probably sleeping, yet just in case she wasn’t, I didn’t want to miss the opportunity of talking to her.
Me: All clear. Henry has no idea.
Ashlyn: He stumbled into the house a few minutes ago. How was the show?
Me: Good. I missed you in the corner booth.
Ashlyn: Wow, you really are addicted to me. Stop hugging your pillow.
I laughed out loud at her comment, wishing she were lying naked next to me in my bed. I wouldn’t even have to do anything with that naked body except hold it. I loved the way she felt against me.
Me: I’ll stop once you quit petting baby pandas.
Ashlyn: I thought you liked when I pet your baby panda?
I cringed.
Me: There’s nothing baby about this panda.
Ashlyn: I just LOLed. You’re such a dork.
Me: Text me something you wrote tonight. Something from your book?
There was a long pause. Either she was typing me an excerpt or she had fallen asleep.
Ashlyn: He never stepped in to fight her battles. Most women might have been turned off by the ungentlemanly action, yet it only turned Julie on that much more. She loved the way he allowed her to be strong for herself. She loved the way he believed she had the strength of all of the Goddesses combined. She loved the way he allowed her to be a hundred percent individual. That is precisely why she wanted to love him for the rest of time.
I read her words over and over again. Taking in each one.
Me: My father would’ve been right. I’m not good enough for you.
Ashlyn: I think you’re just right for me.
Me: Is this the book Gabby and you were working on?
Ashlyn: No. I started something new.
She was finding herself, too. It was the most beautiful thing to watch happen—Ashlyn discovering who she was again all on her own. I felt privileged to be able to witness her growth.
Ashlyn: Henry walked into my room and stared at me for the longest… What did you say to him?
I smiled at the message and rubbed my fingers against my brows.
Me: I asked how he was doing. Maybe you should, too. Goodnight, sweets.
Ashlyn: Goodnight :)
I rolled over and began to read the letter I’d received tonight from Gabby. I knew the letter was supposed to bring me comfort, but for some reason, it only brought on doubts.
#1. Fall in love.
To the boy who’s loved by a girl,
I wonder if you know how lucky you are. My little sister here doesn’t know it, but she puts up walls. Her heart is locked and chained shut from the world. She hides behind her books, and she doesn’t let anyone in. I figure it’s because once our dad left, she never wanted to feel that way again—abandoned.
But here you are. Someone who found the key.
Can you do me a few favors?
Show her off to the world. Shout it from the rooftops. Take her out on dates. She loves to dance—even though she’s really bad at it. Make other couples jealous.
Be her golden.
Because I promise you that she’ll be yours.
You’re doing great.
-Gabrielle