Chapter Eighteen
Them stupid f*cking feels
Someone is trying to undress me. And I’m so tired that I actually don’t give a shit.
Undress me as you please, phantom boogey man.
My pants come off in one quick tug and something bulky is lifted from my shoulders. My tank is next to go and I’m pulled back into something warm and hard. Arms come around my waist and I’m startled awake when someone whispers huskily into my ear, “Wake up, pretty girl.”
My eyes open wide when, what is definitely an erection, rests between the cheeks of my ass. Then I remember. “You didn’t wake up! It’s morning!” I gasp excitedly.
Asher chuckles in my ear. “I guess you were right. You did cure me.” Palming my butt, he continues, “I’d say that’s cause to celebrate.” And in one swift movement, he slides his thick shaft into my ready-and-waiting p-ssy.
We both groan as he pulls me further into him. My back rests against his chest as he rocks into me. I roll my hips back to take him deeper. His arms tightly wrap around me and we work together, thrusting and rocking for what seems like hours. It’s not the fast and furious f*cking we normally prefer, but I make an exception. It is morning after all. Who can be bothered?
When Ash bands one arm around my chest and lowers the other to softly stroke my *, I push myself back even deeper onto him and moan. My stomach clenches and I feel a pleasant warmth rush over me. Without warning, my orgasm comes hard and fast. My channel pulses around him and he groans into my ear. His thrusting slows and he wraps me tight as he stills. He silently jerks his release into me.
Both breathing heavily, I relax back into him and he says, “That’s what I call a f*cking good morning.”
Chuckling, I state sleepily, “So happy for you, Ash. No more nightmares. Maybe now you won’t be such an ass all the time - what with all the sleep you’ll be getting.”
His body shakes in silent laughter and I smile. This is nice. I’m feeling all warm and fluttery and it’s not the after-effects of a great morning orgasm. It’s something more.
Oh f*ck.
This is why I didn’t want to do this with Ash. It was only a matter of time before I started feeling gooey, icky shit for him. I liked him the first time we f*cked, and that’s why I cut him off. Seven months without him around was torture, but my mom always told me that sometimes you have to walk away from what you want in order to find what you deserve.
Well, I did that Mama…and I found Cole.
Maybe what I thought I wanted is actually what I deserve too. Ash is different when he’s with me. I no longer see him as the confrontational person I once did. Now I see him as an untrustworthy person with good reason. After finding out a little about what happened to him when he was younger, it makes me wonder how he came out of it without becoming a psychopathic serial killer. If any of that had happened to me, I’d be a wreck. Ash actually seems like he’s got his shit together in an I don’t trust anyone kind of way. But he confided in me. I smile. He trusts me.
“I have no idea what the f*ck you’re thinking about, but stop. Now.”
Smiling harder, I reply, “Got lost in my head for a second and, by the way, you can’t order me to stop thinking.”
Still wrapped up in him, his softening cock starts to slip from me. He nuzzles the side of my neck, breathing me in and says matter-of-factly, “Sure I can. I always get what I want.”
Without any good reason at all, this irritates me. It sounds as if he’s playing a game with me and my feelings. I know he isn’t, but the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I pull away from him, and buck naked, stand at the edge of the bed and point to the door. I bark, “Get out.”
His sleepily eyes open and he mutters, “The f*ck I say now?” My heart races and my face flushes. I thrust my hand toward the door and he scowls at me. Sitting up, he says, “You know if I wanted to deal with this kinda bullshit, I’d get a girlfriend.”
As I walk into the bathroom, I yell back, “Don’t come over tonight. Or tomorrow. I’ll call you when I want a cheap lay.” Then I lock myself in the bathroom, turn on the shower and stay under the hot stream for as long as I can before the water turns cold.
I think about what I just did and cringe. Surely, he knows now. He has to know that this is something more to me. Acting as my non-boyfriend is all well and good, but shit just got serious. I’m going to lose him before I even got him.
F*ck it! Who cares if he knows? We’ll blame it on estrogen. That shit gets blamed for everything.
I just made my non-complicated relationship complicated. I mentally clap at myself. Not a round-of-applause clap, but that awkward slow clap when someone you know has just been el retardo. I sigh and lean my head against the wall of the shower.
What the f*ck is wrong with me?
I’ve got to get my shit together. And quick. I say I give him one - no - two days without me before he comes crawling back. Smirking at the thought, I exit the shower and dress for the day. When I’m done, I head into the kitchen and see the box of rice puffs and a dirty bowl on the kitchen counter.
The ass had breakfast here. Of course he did. Why not just dirty all my dishes to piss me off even more? I shake my head and put the dirty bowl in the sink, go to the fridge to get some milk, then pick up a spoon and fresh bowl for myself. I sit at a stool at the counter, take my box of cereal and pour.
One rice puff falls into my bowl.
Frowning, I look into the box. And it’s f*cking empty.
Oh, that is it!
Grabbing my keys, I storm over to Ghost’s and open the door and yell, “If you finish my goddamn cereal, replace the f*cker next time!”
Ghost walks out of his bedroom buck naked and wet from the shower. His ashy hair is almost brown wet and, scars or not, his body is rocking. I try not to but I stare at his dick. All of a sudden, I’m salivating. When he reaches down to palm his hardening shaft, I snap my eyes up to look at him. He smirks, “Hungry, babe?”
I want to beg him to let me suck him, but instead I snap, “F*ck you, Ghost.”
His eyes widen and he looks pissed when he says, “I’ve been degraded to Ghost now?”
Hmmm.
Seems he’s right. He must revert back to Ghost when I’m pissed at him. Interesting.
Unsure what else to say, I spin on my heel and leave. When I walk through the door, I yell out, “Replace the f*cking cereal, bitch!”
My blood boils when I hear him laugh.
This is not going well.
***
Today at the store, the girls were trying to get me out of my bad mood all day long. Tina bribed me with cake, Mimi told me about her sexcapades with Shawna, and Lola bought me a double dark chocolate buzz from Winnies. Nothing worked.
On the way home, I stopped and got a burger for dinner. That’s how shitty I felt.
Burger bad.
I know I shouldn’t have snapped at Ash the way I did for something he isn’t even aware of, but f*ck, the man is infuriating sometimes. Eating my damn cereal was the last straw.
I eat my burger in the car on the way home. When I open the door to my apartment, something’s off. I look around trying to figure out what it can be, but I can’t see anything different. I’m sure I’m imagining things, so I strip off my clothes on the way to the bathroom and have a nice hot shower. Today I decide on chamomile lavender body wash. The froth feels so nice on me, like a mini massage, and today’s stresses seem to disappear.
When I’m done, I dress in my jammies and head into the kitchen. There’s a note on the pantry. I unstick it and read.
Replaced your cereal, your highness. I hope ten boxes are okay. Ghost.
Ghost is underlined three times. I think I might’ve hurt his feelings with that, but I’m appeased by the fact that he took the time out to buy me more cereal. Ten boxes was overkill but it’s all good. I don’t know what makes me do it, but I’m curious to see the boxes of cereal. Somehow I think it’ll make me feel even better.
I open the pantry and freeze.
***
I watch on the newly installed CCTV as the ten boxes of rice puffs that I unboxed and crammed into the pantry fall into a small mountain at Nat’s feet.
And I laugh and laugh and laugh my f*cking ass off.
She tries to move but with every step she takes, more rice puffs scatter and she continuously slips on them. I laugh so hard I have to hold my stomach. This is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. Who needs the internet when I have my own version of comedy living next door. She tries in vain to stand but slips again and again. Finally giving up, her face falls before she squeals at the top of her lungs in frustration.
And it all starts again. I laugh my ass off.
I’m surprised that she doesn’t clean the mess, just sweeps it into a corner and leaves it. Obviously had enough for the day, she heads off to bed. I switch cameras and turn on the night vision as she gets into bed.
Is what I’m doing creepy? Maybe.
Do I care? I’m not a known giver of f*cks. No.
My eyebrows lift as I see her reach into her underwear drawer for something. As soon as she puts it between her legs, my eyes roll back and my dick hardens.
The little minx is using her vibrator.
Zooming in to get a better look at her, I stroke myself and watch her try to pleasure herself. She alternates using her hand and the vibrator, then using the vibrator while she stokes her *, then using the vibrator while she pinches her nipples. Nothing. She can’t do it. She throws the vibrator across the room in frustration and although I can’t hear her, she smacks at the bed and her mouth moves rapidly. I smirk. Probably cursing me to hell for spoiling her so much she can’t get off.
Either way, that was sexy as hell and one for the spank bank.
I can’t believe she didn’t see the cameras when she came in from work. They aren’t exactly invisible.
It’s late and I decide to call it a night. When I settle in bed, I palm myself while thinking of Nat using her vibrator. Hot as hell.
Then I remember the rice puffs. And I laugh and laugh and laugh.
For the first night in twenty five years, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
***
Early morning, my alarm goes off. It’s 5:25am and I get ready for my mission by dressing in black sweat pants and a black tee. As soon as I walk into my kitchen, I go through my cupboards and find the biggest container I have and load the rice puffs into it. It’s early as hell, but I find the will to make pancakes too. I take everything over to Asher’s bit by bit, and when everything is ready, I take a look at my canvas. His apartment is pretty bare making my work all too easy.
Making my way into his kitchen, I take out the super glue and get to work, grinning all the while.
No one f*cks with a Kovac.
***
My alarm goes off and as I switch it off, I hear my front door close. My brow furrows.
It’s too early to deal with any bullshit.
Sighing, I get out of bed and walk out my bedroom door only to kick a plate on the floor. I pick up the plate which has three pancakes on it. They’re hot and smell good, loaded with butter and syrup. I smile to myself. This must be Nat’s way of apologizing for being a crazy-assed demon lady. I roll up one of the pancakes and take a bite. It’s delicious. I walk into the kitchen with my eyes closed in bliss and continue eating. When I reach the kitchen counter, I wash my syrup covered hands and put the dirty dish in the sink. There’s a note on the counter, I unfold it and read.
Enjoy your breakfast!
That’s nice of her. The bottom of the note has a little arrow pointing to the edge of the page. I turn it over and read.
Look up.
So I do. I raise my head to the ceiling and everything skids to a halt.
What the f*ck? Is that-? Did she-? No way.
She f*cking glued pancakes on my ceiling! The crazy-assed devil woman glued motherf*cking pancakes on the ceiling!
Even though I’m f*cking pissed, I’m equally impressed. How the hell did she get up there?
I need coffee. I turn on the coffee pot and make my way over to the fridge. As soon as I open it and hear a crunching noise, I mentally sigh. I take the milk out of the fridge and close it. And burst into laughter. Genuine, funny-as-f*ck laughter.
She f*cking glued rice puffs to my refrigerator.
I can’t see the surface to it. She spent a lot of time pulling this morning’s prank and I am impressed. This woman could give me a run for my money. I know I should be angry, but I started it and there are consequences to your actions. I’ll take it. This time. Nat just earned herself a medal in my books. Respect.
Doesn’t mean she isn’t going to get it.
Forgetting my coffee, I exit my apartment and head over to Nat’s. There’s a note on her door. With a grin, I open and read it.
You must be out of your mind if you thought I was going to stick around to see your reaction. Payback’s a bitch, bitch.
She’s lucky she isn’t here. I’d probably make her eat one of those pancakes. I turn and head back into my apartment. Making my way to the shower, I chuckle.
F*cking devil woman.
***
Mission success that early in the morning calls for a celebration and I’m celebrating with pie. Velvet choc hazelnut pie, to be exact. I buy it at a sweet little bakery which is just down the road from Safira’s. As soon as I bring it in, Tina’s all over me like whiskey on cola. She cuts herself the biggest slice ever and shoves most of it into her mouth. Moaning, she says a garbled, “This is really good.”
I stare at her like she’s lost her damn mind. Mimi comes over and eyes the pie with avid interest. I roll my eyes at her attempt to be cunning and almost throw a piece at her. Lola sees pie and yells, “Pie!” followed by a “Whoot, whoot!”
“What’s the occasion?” Mimi asks.
Being a smartass, I tease, “Tina’s pregnant.”
Tina almost chokes on her pie. Stunned, she looks up into my face and whispers, “How. Did. You. Know?”
Oh my God! No way!
Wide-eyed and open-mouthed, we all stare at Tina. After a few moments, she whispers, “That was meant to be a joke, wasn’t it?”
Mimi, Lola and I all nod slowly in astonishment. Tina clicks her fingers and snaps, “I knew it! Darn it to heck!”
Lola snaps us out of our stupor by jumping around and squealing, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my freaking God!”
Mimi shakes her head and pokes Tina lightly in the belly, saying “I should’ve known. You’ve been crazy emotional lately and you said you have your period when I know I didn’t. I should’ve known. Man, I’m pissed at myself!”
Unable to move, I stand where I am at the counter. Pie forgotten and with stinging eyes, I ask, “Tatiana’s gonna have a brother or sister?”
Tina smiles. “Yeah, honey. She is. I’m just past six weeks. We were going to wait til eight to tell you all.”
Lowering my head, I cry silently. Happiness can be overwhelming that way. Sometimes you feel so full of it that you could just burst and happiness would fly out everywhere. Tina comes over to me and wraps her arms around me. We stay that way for a while. When I finally get myself together, I shriek, “Today is awesome!”
We all laugh, talk and eat pie. Turning to Tina, I utter, “Nik must’ve been on you like syrup on pancakes if he got you pregnant that quick.”
Looking pissed, she puts her hand on her hip. “I know, right? I told him we needed to use protection but he was all,” Putting on her best deep Nik voice, “Nah, baby. You’re breastfeeding. We don’t need to use a thing. It’ll be okay.” Her eyes widen and she continues, “The ass already knew he was knocking me up! Wasn’t even surprised when I told him I was pregnant. Just flashed me the damn dimple.” Smiling to herself, she looks over to us and admits, “It’s a magical dimple. It makes me do things I normally wouldn’t want to.”
Laughing our asses off at her silliness, I tell myself that even though I can’t have kids, I will stop being bitter about it. And surprisingly, I feel lighter.
Today is going to be a good one.