Georgie coiled the yellow cord around her fingers until her fingertips went white. “From this moment onward?”
“Yeah.”
She couldn’t make promises for her twenty-two-year-old self. But what about for this version of herself? The one that was on the phone with him. The one that was still refusing to let him go.
“I . . . I think I can promise that.”
“I’m not asking you to promise me that everything will be perfect,” Neal said. “Just promise me that you’ll try. That you’ll think about how it feels for me when Seth is in your bedroom. That you’ll think about how long you’re leaving me waiting when you’re at work. Or how I might be feeling when I’m stuck at a stranger’s party all night. I know I’ve been a jerk, Georgie—I’m going to try not to be. Will you try with me?”
“From this moment onward?”
“Yeah.”
From this moment onward, from this moment onward. She grabbed on to the idea and held tight. “Okay,” she said. “I promise.”
“Okay. Me, too.”
“I’ll be better to you, Neal.” She steadied herself against the bed. “I won’t take you for granted.”
“You don’t take me for granted.”
“Yes,” she said, “I do.”
“You just get caught up—”
“I take for granted that you’ll be there when I’m done doing whatever it is I’m doing. I take for granted that you’ll love me no matter what.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Neal, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “I want you to take that for granted. I will love you no matter what.”
Georgie felt herself sliding out of control again. “Don’t say that. Take it back.”
“No.”
“Take it back.”
“You’re crazy,” he said. “No.”
“If you say that, it’s like you’re telling me that all the insensitive things I do are okay. It’s like you’re just handing me ‘no matter what.’ You’re pre-pardoning me.”
“That’s what love is, Georgie. Accidental damage protection.”
“No, Neal. I don’t deserve that. And it isn’t even true. Because if I had that, already, you wouldn’t have left.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. The s in “sorry” slurred, like his mouth was pressed against the phone. “I won’t leave again.”
“You will,” she said. “And it’ll be my fault.”
“Jesus, Georgie. You’re all over the place. I can’t talk to you if you’re going to be like this.”
“Well, I’m going to be like this. I’m going to be worse than this.”
“I’m getting off the phone,” he said.
She shook her head. “No.”
“Then we’re starting over.”
“No!”
“Yes. We’re starting this whole conversation over.” He still wasn’t shouting, but his voice was building like something that was about to blow.
“I don’t want to,” she panted. “It doesn’t work. Everything bad and everything good has already happened.”
“I’m going to hang up now, Georgie. And we’re both going to take some deep breaths. And when I call back, we’re starting over.”
“No.”
He did it then.
Neal hung up.
Georgie tried to take a deep breath—it caught in her throat like a millstone.
She dropped the receiver on the hook and wandered out into the hall, to Heather’s bathroom. Georgie hardly recognized her own face in the mirror. She looked pale and witless, a ghost who’d just seen a ghost. She rinsed her face with cold water and sobbed tearlessly into her hands.
So this was how Georgie talked her husband into proposing to her. By practically begging him not to. By finally freaking the fuck out.
Neal would be freaking out, too, if he was the one with a magic phone. . . .
Neal did have a magic phone, and he didn’t even realize it.
God, why had she said all those horrible things? Georgie looked in the mirror again. At the woman Neal had ended up with.
She’d said them because they were true.
Georgie went back to the bedroom and looked down at the yellow phone.
She picked up the receiver and listened for the dial tone, then dropped it on the floor and climbed into bed.
That noise the phone makes when you leave it off the hook? It stops after a while.