I couldn't let myself think any of that. I was leaving here and I was leaving Tenleigh behind. That was that. I wasn't such a jackass that I would de-virginize her and then split town never to contact her again. I wouldn't do it—not to her or to myself. I wanted a fresh start. I didn't want to leave any part of myself in Dennville. I had worked four fucking years for that. And it was right within my grasp. A beautiful girl with a spirit so bright I wanted to squint when I looked at her was not going to derail me now.
She took something out of the paper bag she'd set on the floor and looked at me quizzically. "That's a really intense look on your face."
I snapped to the present. "Sorry. Just thinking."
Tenleigh cocked her head. "Can we try not thinking today? Just for today? Can it be like last night when we just enjoyed each other? That wasn't so bad, was it?" She looked up at me through her lashes.
"No, that's the problem. I'm going to want more."
She blinked at me.
"Shit, Tenleigh." I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from her. "This isn't . . ." I sighed loudly. "What do you have for me there?"
She suddenly looked uncertain. "Uh . . . well," she stared down at the small object wrapped in tissue in her hands briefly and chuckled uncomfortably, "this suddenly seems weird."
I raised an eyebrow. "Now I really want it." I reached my hand out and she hesitated, but then put the object in my hand. It looked similar to the one Buster had given her the night before. I paused. It couldn't be . . . I unwrapped it quickly and sure enough, one of Buster's erotic whittles was sitting in my palm: a woman on all fours as the man fucked her from behind, his hands gripping her hips, her back arched. And damn if it wasn't outrageous, but damn if it didn't turn me the hell on. And damn if I didn't want to do that very thing to the girl standing in front of me. Here. Right now. I felt my body twitch.
I looked up at Tenleigh who suddenly looked mortified. "I have a whole collection," she said. "I thought you might get a laugh out of it." Her words faded as we stared at each other. She couldn't know how much this would turn me on. She wouldn't have given it to me had she known how much I wanted to carry out exactly what had been whittled by Buster. With her. To her. I glanced back down at the figures.
And then I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing, the ridiculous object just sitting in my hand. Tenleigh laughed, too, tentatively at first and then harder as we both stood there cracking up. Finally I gathered myself enough to walk over to the kitchen window and place it there. Perfect.
I walked back over to Tenleigh, smiling. "Thank you. Seriously." And I meant it. She hadn't set out to give me a homemade piece of whittled wood. She'd set out to make me laugh. And she had. And for me, that was the best gift of all.
"I brought a ham, too," she said, nodding to the paper bag. "Al gave one to all the full-time employees. My sister got one." She smiled. "Maybe we can heat it up later?"
"Sure, that—"
Before I even had time to fully answer, she clapped her hands together and I startled, my words cutting short.
"Sledding!"
"What?"
"Sledding. That's what we could do today. Marlo and I used to find a couple tire inner tubes in someone's front yard and go up the hill a ways—I know some of the best spots."
I stared at her. "I bet I know some better ones. My brother and I used to do that, too."
She grinned and tilted her head. "Really? I'm surprised we never ran into each other."
I laughed softly and shook my head. Only Tenleigh had the ability to turn my mood from one extreme to the other. How had it been that I was just telling her about one of the most traumatic things I'd ever experienced and now I was laughing?
"I guess it's as good an idea as any. What else are we gonna do?"
"Right." We stood looking at each other for a minute until she shrugged and said, "So . . . ready?"
"Yeah." But I stood frowning for a minute. "I'm gonna have to get you some of my brother's snow stuff. You'll have to roll it up and we'll have to improvise on a few things, but . . . I only have one set for myself."
She nodded, but her eyes looked wary as if she was trying to read whether I was okay with that or not. Truthfully, I didn't even know. I sighed and went and got the clothes. In the span of fifteen minutes, this day had turned into something completely unexpected, and although I was filled with uncertainty, I was also filled with happiness. This girl.
CHAPTER TEN
Tenleigh
Fifteen minutes later, we were bundled up as much as possible, hiding behind some trees next to Dell Walker's trailer. Trash lay strewn around his yard, half covered in snow.
You'd think we could just stride onto his property and take what we wanted, with it being trash and all. But mountain folk were strange about their stuff and Dell was likely to come out with his shotgun if he saw us rooting through his garbage. And if we asked him if we could have it, he'd likely realize it had some value and try to charge us. Plus, Dell was a mean old bastard. A mean old bastard with a shotgun. And a penchant for consuming copious amounts of liquor.
Kyland pointed to an inner tube lying half submersed in snow a hundred feet from where we hid. He put his finger up to his lips and winked at me. Butterflies started flapping their tiny wings in my belly. I nodded my head. Then I watched as he ran quickly to a small shed to the right of us and ducked behind that. A few seconds later, I saw him emerge from there and sprint through the snow to the inner tube, swooping it up and hanging it on his shoulder as he ran back. He ducked behind the shed again. I laughed softly into my hand, covered in a thick sock with a plastic bag over it, tied around my wrist. Makeshift waterproof gloves.
As I waited for him, my mind moved to what he'd told me back at his house. I'd been horrified, stunned when I'd considered it back at my trailer. But somewhere inside, I'd known it was true. When he'd confirmed it, though, it shocked me all over again. Poor Kyland . . . living alone for all that time . . . grieving his whole family—all by himself. No one at all to help him through it. And then, the loneliness. How had he survived it? I suddenly understood his need to get out of Dennville. I understood his need to make a life for himself somewhere that didn't remind him of the deep pain he must have lived with all these years. And it made me want to love him. Which wasn't good. At all. Because he wouldn't love me back. He wouldn't allow himself to love me back even if he wanted to, which he might not. And I guessed that had to be okay. I guessed I couldn't even really blame him. He avoided commitment, but not girls, while I avoided boys completely—both of us tarnished by abandonment.
He ran back to the grove of trees, breathing hard, his cheeks flushed and a smile on his lips. And he looked as beautiful as I'd ever seen him.
Ugh. Double ugh.
"Ready?" I whispered.
"Yeah," he breathed out, still smiling.
We headed up the hill after snagging a second inner tube from Cletus Rucker in the same fashion as the one we'd snagged from Dell Walker. Kyland led me up the hill to a spot he promised was the best sledding hill on the mountain. He wasn't wrong.
When we stepped through a forest of pines, we were standing at the top of a hill that dropped off in a perfect slope, one that was steep, but long, and ended with plenty of time to come to a stop on the flat surface at the bottom before a new forest started.
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, looking down at it. "Marlo will die when she sees that we missed this one all these years."
Kyland nodded. "Uh uh. You're not allowed to disclose the location of this sledding hill. It's top secret. Classified."
I laughed. "Okay. But how'd you find it?"
He set his inner tube down at the top of the hill and I followed suit, setting mine next to his. "My brother found it. He loved these hills. We explored every inch of them, I swear." He didn't smile, but something in his expression looked tender. I took his hand and his eyes rose to meet mine, almost shyly, as if he was remembering being a little boy.
"Let's hold hands as we go down."
He nodded and we both sat down on the inner tubes and positioned our bodies.
Kyland looked over at me, a look that I loved on his face—and one I'd never seen before—one of breathless anticipation, like something really good was about to happen. His expression made my breath catch in my throat. There was something so pure about it, as if I was seeing him for the very first time. It was perfect unabashed delight, and I was part of it. I didn't want the moment to pass before I'd committed it to memory.
"Ready?" he asked softly.
"Ready."
I looked out over that hill, the trees below us and the town of Dennville even farther below those, smoke rising lazily out of the chimneys, the tobacco farms just dots on the horizon. From up here, there was only peace, only freedom and beauty. I sucked in a huge breath as if I could capture the feeling of that moment in my lungs and hold it there forever.
We both leaned forward and grasped hands, our inner tubes gliding faster and faster down the hill, gaining speed so quickly that I threw my head back and screamed and then laughed uncontrollably. The wind whipped through my hair and Kyland's hand held mine tightly, warm and strong. Normally, the inner tubes would spin in circles, but with our hands grasped together, we went down straight. I looked over at him and he was laughing, too.
We came to a slow stop right before the grove of trees below, our feet dragging in the snow.
Kyland looked over at me, his cheeks flushed and a huge grin on his face. "Again?" he asked.
I laughed and nodded yes and we made the slow trek back up the side of the hill.
All that afternoon we played like kids, spinning down the hill as I shrieked and Kyland's deep laugh echoed through the quiet hills. We made snow angels, pointed out three bright red cardinals, and saw a couple of deer nibbling on some twigs at the edge of the forest. It was the best Christmas of my whole life.
We ate lunch at the top of the hill, sitting on our inner tubes eating the smashed bologna sandwiches Kyland had wrapped up in wax paper and stuck in his pocket before we left.
As the sun started to fade just a little, Kyland suggested we should get going. I was wet and cold, but I'd been willing to ignore it for the fun we were having.
"One more time down?" I asked.
"Okay." He laughed.