"There aren't really any bobcats on our mountain. I mean, there are, but they're no danger to us. The 'Bobcat Protection Service' was all a ruse."
"I know," I said softly. I had enjoyed his company, too. I figured that's why he had told me that.
We held on to each other in the doorway for a little while until the wind changed directions and found us again and we both started shivering.
"I need to get you home," Kyland said, helping me to a standing position.
"I'm okay now." I let out a small sound of embarrassment. "I know you left Shelly behind—"
"Shelly got a ride with her brothers. I went for the food and the heat." He stuffed his hands in his pockets.
Oh.
"Yeah, me too," I admitted. We both looked down and when we looked back at each other, we each let out an embarrassed laugh.
"Tenleigh . . . I'm sorry I kissed you." He grimaced. "I mean, shit . . . I'm not sorry I kissed you. What I'm sorry about is that I'm not going to do it again." He laughed a small, uncomfortable laugh. "I mean, I'm sorry for me, not for you. I know I'm missing out. I'm missing . . . The truth is, Tenleigh," vulnerability washed over his expression, "you might have noticed, I'm not exactly a catch anyway."
Sympathy filled me. I guessed the truth was that neither of us were exactly a catch—somehow though, that didn't make me feel better. And somehow, Kyland telling me he wasn't a catch felt like a lie he didn't even know he was telling.
"I don't have anything to offer. In six months, I won't even be here," he said.
"Kyland," I interrupted, "how about this, let's just be friends. I could use a friend, I guess." I paused, thinking. "And when we both leave here, under whatever circumstances we do, when we both are catches, we'll remember fondly the friend we once had back home and that'll be that. Okay? Simple." My eyes welled up with tears again and I wasn't even sure why. It didn't feel simple. I wished it did. "Do you have any friends?" I asked. So often, I'd seen him alone.
He shook his head, staring at me, the wheels turning behind his eyes. I couldn't read the expression on his face. "I haven't had a real friend since my brother died."
It felt like a balloon was inflating in my chest, pain for him replacing my own and making it difficult to take a full breath. "Seems like we could both use one then."
"Yeah," he finally said. His voice sounded sad. "Yeah."
CHAPTER EIGHT
Tenleigh
We started to walk, both putting our heads down against the sting of the wind and cold. After trudging along for a little bit, my feet were wet and I started shivering again. Kyland put his arm around me and pulled me into his body and I let him. By the time we made it to Dennville, the snow had stopped. My feet were still wet, but I was a little warmer from walking and from Kyland's warmth.
"I should call the hospital to make sure Marlo and my mama made it there," I said. There was a pay phone outside the old post office—a rarity nowadays from what I knew. But up on our mountain, cell phone reception was sketchy and many people didn't have landlines. As for us, we couldn't afford either. Kyland nodded and guided me to the small booth where I used the phone book to look up the number to the hospital where I knew Marlo would take mama—the hospital that accepted Medicaid. I fished fifty cents out of my pocket. A few minutes later they'd patched me through to the floor my mama was on and were able to put Marlo on the phone.
"Hey, Ten. I'm so sorry. I was watching her. I just took a damn shower. Are you almost home?"
"Yes, and don't be sorry, Marlo. You and I both know it wasn't your fault. I'm okay. I promise. Do you need me? I could probably figure out a way to get there . . ."
"No. It's my turn. You stayed here last time. You even missed school. And I don't have to work until Tuesday. I'm just sorry you'll spend the holiday alone. We might be here for a few days. I didn't even think about Christmas until I got here and saw the tree in the lobby."
"I'm good. Don't worry about me. I love you." We both knew Christmas didn't mean much in our trailer anyway. It was just another day.
"I love you, too, baby sis. Oh hey, they need me to fill something out. Call me here if you need anything, okay? I'll be curled up in the waiting room, but I'll check for messages at the nurses’ station."
Well, at least she'd be warm in the waiting room. "Okay. Bye, Mar."
"Love you."
I paused for a second, staring at the phone and when Kyland looked at me questioningly, breathing into his hands to warm them up, I said, "They're okay. Settled in. They'll be there through Christmas, which . . . well," I straightened up, taking in a deep breath, "that's just the way it is." I was silent again, considering something. I picked up the phone book again and looked up a number in Evansly, and then dialed it. It rang twice and then a man's voice answered.
"Hi, Doctor Nolan? Sam?"
"Yes? How can I help you?"
I cleared my throat. "This is Tenleigh Falyn . . . I, shoot I . . ." I suddenly had doubts. Marlo would kill me. What was I doing?
"Tenleigh, what's wrong?" He sounded tense.
"I . . . well, our mama, uh . . . had an incident and well, Marlo's at the hospital with her and I just thought, I mean, I wondered if you'd want to . . ."
"I'm putting my jacket on, Tenleigh. Which floor is she on?"
"The twelfth." I knew it by heart.
He was quiet for a second. "The mental ward?"
"Yes," I whispered, closing my eyes, shame making me doubt what I was doing again. "I know you're a dentist, not a doctor, but I thought . . . God, I don't even know. I'm sorry. It's Christmas Eve." I glanced at Kyland who was watching me closely as I fumbled my way through the phone call.
"You did the right thing. At the very least I can go and keep Marlo company. Are you okay?"
I released a breath. "Yes, I'm fine. And that's really nice of you," I said. And I said it squeakily. Gratitude overwhelmed me.
Kyland's face grew concerned, but I nodded at him, letting him know everything was good.
"I'm really glad you called me. Thank you, Tenleigh."
"Okay, thank you. Truly, thank you. Bye, Sam."
I hung up and took a deep, calming breath. Marlo would likely murder me, but I felt good about what I'd done. Maybe Marlo didn't want to date him, but he was a nice guy. I had a good feeling about him. And everyone could use a nice friend or two, right?
"That was a friend of Marlo's," I said to Kyland. "I just called him to see if he would go sit with Marlo. The floor my mama's on, it's not the most pleasant of places."
He nodded sadly, and we set off up the hill. I was glad Kyland didn't ask me any questions at that moment—I wasn't quite ready to say any more. Half an hour later, we were at my trailer, where I threw the door open and we hurried in. At least Marlo had closed the door before running after mama or it'd be freezing inside. Our breath still plumed in the air. I turned on the two small portable heaters we had, although I knew it'd be a while before our drafty old trailer felt even remotely comfortable. I started stripping my wet boots off and when I looked up at Kyland, he was standing by the doorway uncomfortably.
"You should get dry," I said. "I mean . . . unless you need to get home. Oh!" I slapped my forehead. "You need to get home. Your mama . . ."
He shook his head. "No. My mama's fine. She's not waiting up for me. I just . . . I wish I could offer you a ride to the hospital. Will your sister need you there?"
I threw my boots aside and started peeling off my wet socks, still shivering. "No. We . . . take turns. It's what we do." I said. I didn't offer more than that, but Kyland nodded as if he understood, removing his shoes and socks, too. We took off our coats and I tossed him a blanket folded up on the couch where I slept. I pulled one around me as well and settled back, nodding to the spot next to me.
He hesitated for a second, but then sat down and pulled a blanket around himself, too.
"I like your tree," he said, nodding at our small Christmas tree. I smiled. We'd cut it down ourselves. It was small and we didn't have a lot of decorations, but we had a string of white lights and I loved them. Somehow, even our small, dingy trailer looked pretty in the glow of those twinkle lights.
"Thanks."
We were quiet for a minute before he spoke. "Tenleigh, I’ll understand if you don't want to talk about it, but if you do . . ."
I sighed. "My mama? You mean what's wrong with her?"
He nodded, but his eyes were tender.
I pulled the blanket more tightly around me, finally feeling warm. The wind whistled mournfully through the trees outside.
"My daddy brought her here when she was pregnant with Marlo. He left when I was three days old. Walked right out the front door of this trailer and never looked back."
"Shit, I'm sorry."
I shook my head. "Don't be. Not for me at least. I never knew him, and after what he did to my mama, I'm glad I didn't."
"Is that what . . ." Kyland paused, seeming to be searching for the right words.
"Made her the way she is?" I shook my head. "No. I mean . . . maybe it made her worse, I don't know, but my mama, she's always been up and down . . . delusional sometimes. The doctor in town who prescribes her medication says she has a depressive disorder, but I'm not sure. It seems like a little more than that and he doesn't seem to know what he's talking about anyway." I looked down, feeling exposed. I'd never discussed any of this with anyone except Marlo.