“He won’t help you,” I muttered.
And then I pinned her hands over her head, against the car as she cried out.
“I’m going to feel so good,” I whispered against her forehead and closed my eyes, envisioning Winter in my hands.
If I get it through my head and treat her like trash, then I can do the same things to Winter. I can throw her away.
Like nothing.
Reaching behind her, I grabbed her ass. “You know you want to ride this.”
“Damon,” she gasped, turning her head away, “take me home. I know you’re not going to hurt me.”
“Oh, yeah?” I threatened. “Then why have you always been afraid of me?”
Did she really believe I wouldn’t do this? Or did she think she could talk me down?
I had no respect for her. She had no value. She was a warm body.
Yeah, she saved my ass earlier when we torched the gazebo in town. But if I couldn’t have Winter, then Michael wasn’t having Rika. If anyone deserved to come tonight, it was Winter. Who did Rika think she was?
I held her wrists above her head with one hand, pawed her ass with the other, and kissed a trail across her cheek.
I want this.
“Damon, no!” she shouted. “Let me go!”
But then I slammed my mouth down on hers, my teeth cutting into my mouth, and I just tried to see Winter in my head. It was her.
Hurt her. It would be over if I could just hurt her and break her goddamn heart.
“Help!” Rika cried.
“He doesn’t want you,” I whispered, running my hand up her body and cupping her breast, my stomach rolling with nausea as I felt her struggle.
Please, I don’t want to.
Shhh, baby, I heard my mother again.
Oh, God.
“But we do, Rika,” I choked out, clearing my throat and forcing myself on. “We want you so bad. Being with us will be like having a blank check, baby. You can have anything you want.” I bit her bottom lip. “Come on.”
She jerked away, growling, “I’ll never want you!”
Fine. I grabbed her by the collar, hauled her away from the car, and flung her over to Trevor in his waiting arms.
“Kai,” she gasped, a shred of hope left in her voice.
“Maybe you’ll want him, then,” I said.
Trevor wrapped his arms around her, crushing the little monster.
“Stop!” she yelled.
And then she raised her hand, slapping him across the mask.
A pang of admiration hit me and I faltered, seeing more of Winter in her than I wanted to. She was a fighter.
Hit him again. Like I should’ve done to my mother long before I finally did.
Hit him again.
Hit me.
But he threw her onto the ground, her body landing on the cold, wet leaves, and she flipped over, scurrying backward, trying to get away.
Trevor lunged for her, coming down on top of her, and I cocked my head, watching carefully.
He looked like he was whispering something in her ear, but I couldn’t hear.
Then she belted, “Get off me!”
He grabbed her hair, shouting back to me, “Hold her arms!”
“No!” Rika cried, thrashing and kicking. “Get off!”
I didn’t budge.
Trevor held her hands above her head with one hand and her neck with the other, and she tried to get free of his hold but couldn’t.
She couldn’t.
She couldn’t stop what was happening.
I blinked. No. I didn’t want this. I wanted to scare her. Threaten her, frighten her, run to the edge and nearly lose my balance, but…
She fought. Like many of us should have learned how to do so much sooner.
“Enough,” I said.
But he didn’t hear me. He kept struggling with her.
I said it louder, “Enough!”
Trevor froze for a moment, turning his head.
I charged over, grabbed him, and threw him off, reaching down and dragging Rika back up to her feet by her sweatshirt.
“Stop crying,” I gritted out, holding her by collar. “We weren’t going to hurt you, but now you know that we can.”
I grabbed her by the back of her hair, her face flushed, upset, and still scared out of her mind, just like Winter that first night I broke in. “Michael doesn’t want you, and neither do we,” I breathed out. “You get that? I want you to stop watching us and stop following us like a pathetic dog begging for someone to notice her.” And then I shoved her away, seeing Winter stumbling back from me. “Get a fucking life of your own, Rika, and stay the hell away from us. No one wants you.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and she spun around and ran into the forest, toward her home, as fast as she could.
“What the hell was that?” Trevor spat out, whipping off his mask.
His blondish hair was sweaty, and he scowled at me as he shot Kai’s mask to me like a basketball. I caught it and turned away, yanking the car door open and climbing in.
I wanted to fuck with her. Maybe fuck her, too, or anyone just to get my head clear—but goddammit—that wasn’t…
He wasn’t stopping.
She wasn’t having fun.
She believed she was in actual danger, and all I could feel was my mother on top of me like Trevor was on top of her.
It gets hard when I do that. That means you like it.
No, it didn’t.
I dropped the mask in the passenger’s seat and started the car, seeing Trevor shoot off, racing toward his side of the car.
“What the hell are you doing?”
But I didn’t wait. With Will still passed out in the back, I hit the gas and sped off in reverse, ignoring Trevor’s curses and shouts as he chased my headlights.
You can fucking walk home.
I drove to the end of the gravel road, not stopping as I launched back onto the highway without a single pause for any oncoming traffic, and shifted into gear, speeding back down the dark, quiet road.
I gripped the steering wheel, gripping the hair on my head as I rested my elbow on the window.
“What the fuck?” I muttered.
What did I just do?
Was I actually going to hurt her?
But I did hurt her.
She came out tonight, saved my fucking ass in town earlier, and I… I fucking attacked her. She stood up for me, and all I saw was trash and a threat.
All that spirit, and I beat it down. I treated her like garbage, and instead of feeling powerful, I only saw a little boy on the ground, crying and heartsick, because he couldn’t stop what was happening to him.
Rika would hate me. She’d never look at me again.
I pulled into Will’s house and parked right in front, unloading him from the car, and heaving him over my shoulder. Climbing the steps up to his house, I dug his keys out of his back pocket, unlocked his huge iron door, and stepped inside, quickly punching in the security code we all had memorized years ago.
The house was quiet and dark, but I could always smell the hydrangeas his mother kept on the foyer table in various colors. Sometimes they were blue, sometimes white. Today, they were purple and always made the house look happy as soon as you entered.
Out of everyone’s houses, I liked Will’s the most. It was newer, more spacious with room to walk and breathe, and it was bright with high ceilings. He had two older brothers who left home a few years ago, off making the world a better place. Will was the youngest. And the most trouble for his parents.
I took him up to his room, plopped him down on the bed, and saw him yawn and pull his comforter over his body. He looked like a burrito, and it was the first time all night I actually felt a smile I wore.
Will and I were cut from the same cloth, both always diving too deep for our own good, he with alcohol and drugs and me with the pain I needed to inflict.
Rain started to patter his window, and I looked up at it, the drops streaming down the glass like being in a fountain and watching the falls spill from the bowl above.
Winter.
That was the only place I wanted to be right now. She was alone in that house, the fountain spilled outside, and she wanted me there.
Grabbing a pair of clean jeans and a T-shirt from Will’s closet, I strolled into his bathroom and showered, washing my hair and body to get Rika off. To get the cigarettes off.