“Does your mom still love your dad?”
“Yeah, but she’s like a serious Catholic. She has to love him.”
“Devotion and a commitment to marriage vows are different than love. Has your mom stopped loving your dad?”
When they walk Yaz together, they hold hands. She notices them kissing more than they used to. Her mom dotes on him. She doesn’t yell back when he blows up, and she doesn’t seem to hold it over him after. She calls him “sweetie” and “my love.” Her calls her “hun” and “darlin’.”
“No. But he’s not that bad yet.”
“True. Look, I’ve seen a lot of families with HD, and based on what I’ve seen, your mom is going to hate HD, not your dad.”
“Felix’s boss wants him to move to the company’s new office in Portland, Oregon. He wants me to go with him.”
“Do you want to go?”
“I dunno. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
“And do you think your gene status will influence this decision?”
“I dunno, yeah, probably. But even if I don’t have HD and actually especially if I don’t, I shouldn’t leave Charlestown. I feel so selfish even thinking about leaving now and abandoning my dad and JJ when they need me.”
“JJ is perfectly healthy. He might not be symptomatic for ten years or more. Your dad’s still working. He’s not in a wheelchair or needing outside assistance. Sounds like your mom and his friends have things well in hand. How long would you live in Portland?”
The Biofuel project in Boston lasted three years. Felix thinks the rollout in Portland would take roughly the same amount of time.
“I dunno, at least a couple of years.”
“So what’s holding you back?”
Her eyebrows lift as she shoots him an exasperated look, a gesture stolen from her mom’s playbook. Don’t play dumb with me, young man.
“Your unknown gene status,” he says.
She nods.
“Okay, so what happens if you’re gene negative. Would you go?”
She thinks. It wouldn’t have to be forever. If her mom and dad need her help, she can adjust her life when that happens. If she doesn’t have HD, she has no reason not to go. She loves Felix. She can’t bear the thought of losing him.
“Yeah, I think I would.”
A nervous thrill rushes through her after hearing herself voice her truth aloud, and a stupid smile spreads across her face.
“Okay, and now the other possibility. What if you find out you’re gene positive?”
And just like that, her smile retreats. The nervous thrill is shuttled into memory.
“I dunno. I feel like not going and breaking up with him would be the right thing to do.”
Eric nods.
“So you think that’s what I should do?”
“No, no, I’m just listening, understanding your thoughts.”
“What would you do?” asks Katie.
“I can’t answer that for you. I’m not in your shoes.”
Katie looks down at her feet. She’s wearing black Toms.
“Plus, I don’t think Felix would want to live with me,” says Eric.
“Very funny.”
“You don’t have to be a martyr, Katie. If you’re gene positive, you could have fifteen to twenty years with no symptoms. That’s a long time. A lot of things can change in that amount of time. There’s plenty of real hope in the research being done. We could have a really effective treatment or cure by then.”
Fifteen to twenty years. Enough time to hope for JJ and for her, Meghan, and Patrick if they’re gene positive. Too late for her dad.
“It’d be a shame to end an important relationship, to cut a man you love out of your life because of a disease that, if you’re going to get it, won’t even interfere with your life for maybe another decade or more. Maybe there’s a cure in ten years, and HD will never interfere with anything. And then you gave up Felix and Portland for nothing.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to convince me to get the test.”
“No, I didn’t mean for you to hear that. I’m not here to influence your decision either way. I’m here to help you process the potential impact of every possible outcome. I’m just trying to paint a picture for you, to show you that your life doesn’t have to stop or go off the rails if you take the test and find out it’s positive.”
“Yeah, but it still doesn’t seem fair to Felix,” says her Irish Catholic guilt.
“Not to be a downer here, Katie, but you’re really young. You’re only twenty-one. I know you guys are in love, but chances are, you two don’t end up happily ever after, together forever. Chances are, you’ll love a few more guys before it all works out. And none of that has anything to do with HD. It’s just life.”
She’s not realistically thinking about marrying Felix, but, to be honest, in the back of her mind, just for fun, she’s trying on gowns. And Felix would look so totally hot in a black tux. It could happen. Her mom was married with three kids when she was Katie’s age. She wonders what her chances are of ending up with Felix. Probably not as likely as her chances of getting Huntington’s.
“Have you been in love before?” asks Katie.
“Yeah,” says Eric, hesitating, as if he has more to say but is unsure of whether it’s appropriate to share it. “I’ve loved three women. Really loved them, but none of them lasted. Relationships are hard. At least they are for me.”
“This is so weird. I mean, I don’t really know you, and we’re talking about stuff I don’t talk about with anyone.”
“That’s my job.”
“Oh,” says Katie, visibly deflated.
“I didn’t mean that it’s not personal. We’re sharing really intimate stuff here. I get what you mean. You can’t really make this kind of decision without rolling up your sleeves, stripping off the armor, and going in deep.”
“Which decision? Moving to Portland with Felix or taking the test?”
“Both.”