He thinks I don’t care about anything?
If only he knew what the inside of my head is like.
* * *
It’s my last night in Amsterdam, and I still haven’t seen the canals.
My parents got engaged here, and even though it ended really badly, it’s still my favorite romantic story. It was totally spur-of-the-moment. Dad didn’t even have a ring. They were on vacation together, and they found this spot they both called the most beautiful place on earth, and right there, Dad got on one knee. He’d already decided he was going to propose once he got home, but then he realized no location could ever live up to where they were, so he went for it.
Mom said yes. She’s always said the canals played a big part in that decision, as she was swept up in the beauty of the place. She’d never really planned on getting married in the way some people do, and then it just happened.
I’ve always wanted to see them, and tonight is my only chance on this trip. But we’re not allowed to leave our hotel unsupervised. And this is the sort of thing I want to do without a security guard with me. I want to do it as Zach, not as Zach Knight: bad boy of Saturday.
A knock sounds on my door.
I frown and check my phone, in case I missed a message. There’s nothing. So I have no idea who’s knocking on my door, especially this late. I open it a sliver.
It’s Ruben.
He’s dressed to go out, in one of his long wool coats, this one in tan.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey?”
“I’m sorry about what I said in the interview.”
I shrug, then move aside, letting him into my room. I obviously wasn’t expecting company, so the whole space is messy, with clothes strewn around the place, and my bedsheets all messed up. I pick up a discarded shirt and toss it into my suitcase.
“Look,” he says. “I know things have been weird, but this is the one place on the whole tour you wanted to see. If we don’t go now, you’re going to miss it.”
“But…”
“Or you can just sit alone in your room all night, I guess. I’m not gonna drag you along.” His voice has an edge to it at first, but then he softens. “But I think we should go. Maybe we can try to … I don’t know, figure things out?”
I cross my arms, and he goes on hurriedly. “I know it’s what Geoff wants. But it’s what I want, too. I promise. Even if we can’t go back to the way things used to be, can we at least try to find a new normal? One that’s less weird?”
I pick up another discarded shirt, and twist it in my hands.
“Okay.”
“Okay you want to come or okay you want to figure stuff out?”
I just grab my jacket as an answer.
I do want to sort stuff out. I also would like to see the sort of place that would make my incredibly pragmatic mother accept what she knew was a spur-of-the-moment proposal. I think I’ve spent my whole life hyping up this place, and now I’m here, and I need to see it.
“This is really bad timing,” I say, as I put my jacket on.
“Why?”
“If we’re caught sneaking out, it could be really bad.”
“We won’t get caught. I have a way to sneak us out. You out of excuses yet, or…?”
I huff, and pull on a pair of boots.
Ruben clearly doesn’t know what to do while he waits. He’s lingering by the door, scrubbing the back of his head. And I’m still a little mad at him about the interview, and the fear of Geoff is still swirling around in my gut.
But this is the canals. This matters.
And I miss him, and I want to go do something with just him. Even after everything.
I put on a royal blue scarf and a beanie. And then I’m done. Ready to escape.
“So, what’s the plan?” I ask, as I tuck my hands under my arms for warmth. “Keegan or Pauline will be in the lobby, right? I doubt they’ll let us out this late.”
“There’s a fire escape on the roof,” he says. “We’ll climb down, then we’re free.”
Like most buildings here, this hotel isn’t too tall. We’ll be able to get to the street fairly easily.
The bigger issue is still Keegan and Pauline. They check the hallways randomly at night, and if we run into them, it won’t end well. They’ll have to tell Chorus that they saw—it’s part of their contract, and I could never ask them to risk their jobs for us.
“It’ll be fine,” he says. “Just follow my lead.”
The hallway outside is empty, so we go to the end, and get in the elevator. Ruben presses the button for the roof. We ride it up in silence until the doors open, revealing the rooftop. And all around us are the Amsterdam city lights. The stars look incredible. It’s brisk outside, but this is so stunning I don’t even care.
“Aren’t you glad we did this now?” he asks.
“A little.”
Ruben crosses the rooftop, his shoes crunching on the gravel. There’s a metal ladder attached to the side of the building. With no fear, Ruben steps up to it and then swings out over the roof edge. My heart lurches, but he’s smiling.
Seriously: does anything scare this boy?
I climb down after him. The metal is so cold it burns my fingers. When we reach the end, I hear him jump down, landing heavily on his feet.
Shit, it’s actually a decent jump. I grip the metal tight.
“It’s easy,” he says.
I jump. I stumble on the pavement, but Ruben catches me. He holds me there for a moment, his hand on my chest. I wonder if he can feel how fast my heart is banging against my ribs.
“You okay?” he asks.
I step away from him. “Yeah.”
He puts his hood on. I copy him. It’s cold enough to warrant it, and it’ll help us be a little more anonymous.
Together, we set off down the street.
This city truly is gorgeous, like something out of a fairy tale. The streets are wide and spacious, lit by iron streetlamps. Everything is soft and gold and black. The roads are all quiet, but a few of the restaurants are bustling, with people talking and laughing. We go around a corner, and in the distance, I can see the canal. It cuts through the city, broken apart by stone bridges every second block. We go toward it.