She looks down at her watch again. She does not know who will arrive first – Lily or Jess – but if she had to hazard a guess she would assume Lily. Even though Jess is the more protective, and Lily has the higher-profile career, it is Lily who is punctual and precise. In all the years Audrey has been taking care of Mia – after school, during the holidays, at weekends – she can think of few occasions when Jess hasn’t been late to collect her.
Audrey clears away the girls’ lemonade glasses and throws the straws into the bin, wondering when Mia and Phoebe might next sit together at her kitchen table. It is the summer holidays and she does not have to return to work at the school library until the week before Mia and Phoebe return to their respective schools in September. Feasibly she could look after them both every day. She already has Mia throughout the school holidays – one more grandchild would be no problem. It would, in fact, be a delight. She begins to imagine all the things the three of them could do together: trips to London Zoo, the Natural History Museum, the V&A; picnics at the seaside, the park, Kew Gardens; exploring the wide open spaces of Cliveden, Polesden Lacey, Hatchlands Park, all the National Trust properties Audrey rarely visits because there is too much melancholy in going alone. A fantasy about how the summer might unfold plays out in Audrey’s head, accompanied by visions of her granddaughters laughing, the sun gleaming against their dark hair, their years of separation melting away.
Audrey brings the J-cloth to a halt on the kitchen table. She is getting ahead of herself. First, she must navigate the next few minutes. Only then will she know what the rest of the summer – what her family’s future – may hold.
She checks the time again: 5.55 p.m. Her pulse quickens at the thought of Lily and Jess’s arrival. She imagines their faces when they find out what she has done, when they discover that she has engineered a playdate between their daughters despite Jess’s insistence that the girls should never meet and Lily’s acceptance that it would never happen.
She looks out into the garden to where Mia and Phoebe are climbing inside a hula hoop together, trying to spin it around them both, collapsing onto the lawn in a heap of hot, tangled limbs and infectious giggles. Surely, Audrey reasons, when Jess and Lily see how beautifully they’re playing together, not even Jess will be able to argue that Mia and Phoebe – who understand nothing of the sibling estrangement which began long before they were born – should not be friends. Surely Jess will see they are innocent casualties in a family war of which not even Audrey knows the cause.
The doorbell rings and Audrey jumps. She glances once more into the garden at a sight she has waited so long to see, before walking up the basement stairs and into the hallway, taking a deep breath as she opens the door.
‘Hi, Mum.’ Lily smiles and there is such trust in her expression that Audrey experiences a few seconds of panic. But as she ushers her daughter along the hall, down the stairs and into the kitchen, she reminds herself – with all the fervour of a religious mantra – of why she has done this: Mia and Phoebe should not have to suffer for their mothers’ mistakes. Children should not be punished for the sins of their parents.
As they walk into the kitchen, to where double doors open onto the sunken patio and the raised lawn beyond, Audrey does not take her eyes off Lily. She watches Lily’s tender smile at seeing her daughter, watches her glance towards the second girl – so similar to her own yet so unknown – watches the question hover behind her eyes as she turns to Audrey.
‘I don’t understand … What’s going on? Is that who I think it is?’
Lily has seen plenty of photographs and Audrey knows the question is rhetorical. But she nods and watches as Lily turns back towards the garden, as she gazes at Phoebe and Mia taking it in turns to jump up and reach for the unripe apples on the tree. Lily drinks it all in: the first time she has seen her niece.
The doorbell rings again and goosebumps stipple Audrey’s arms. As she turns away, she senses Lily’s head pivot towards her but she does not look back. Her legs, as she ascends the stairs, are unsteady and she clings to the banister, trying to remind herself that she has done this for the right reasons. She has acted not out of control or punishment but out of love. She opens the front door and there is Jess, head down, fumbling inside her bag.
‘Sorry I’m a bit late. One day a shoot will end on time and I might actually turn up without needing to apologise.’ She looks at Audrey and tries to smile but something seems to stop her.
‘Not to worry. Mia’s fine.’ The deception scratches at Audrey’s throat and she looks away, fearful the duplicity may be etched on her face.
She hears Jess close the door behind her, hears her daughter’s footsteps follow her across the wooden floorboards and down the stairs, Audrey’s heart thudding with every step.
All she has to do, she thinks, is get Jess into the kitchen, allow her to view the scene in the garden, and there is a chance everything will be OK.
As they reach the bottom of the stairs, Audrey hears a sharp intake of breath behind her.
‘What the hell is she doing here, Mum? Where’s Mia?’
There is venom in Jess’s voice which burrows under Audrey’s skin. Lily’s head whips around and Audrey sees the anxiety shadowing her eyes. When Audrey begins to speak, her voice is strained, high-pitched, as though it is being squeezed through the holes of a sieve. ‘Mia’s in the garden. She’s fine. She’s having a lovely time.’
Audrey feels a rush of air as Jess brushes past her, ignoring Lily, storming towards the patio doors. ‘Stop! Jess, please. Just listen to me. Mia’s with Phoebe. They’ve been having such a nice time. If only you’d watch them just for a minute …’
Audrey’s words dissolve in the face of Jess’s fury. ‘You’ve had them both here? Together? How dare you, Mum? How dare you?’
Audrey tries to speak but all the moisture seems to have evaporated from her mouth. When she hears a voice it is not hers but Lily’s.
‘Don’t speak to Mum like that.’
Audrey watches, paralysed, as Jess turns to Lily for the first time. ‘Then don’t agree to have your child anywhere near my daughter.’
‘I didn’t. I didn’t know anything about it.’
Jess turns towards the garden, her trainers already over the threshold to the patio when Audrey finally finds her voice again. ‘Don’t go out there, Jess, please. Lily didn’t know until a few minutes ago. Neither of you knew. It was my idea—’
‘I don’t care, Mum. I don’t care who knew what or when. When will you finally get it? I don’t want anything to do with her and I don’t want her anywhere near my daughter. How many times do I have to tell you?’
Audrey feels the error of her judgement coiling into a fierce knot in her stomach. ‘I didn’t think you’d be this angry. I thought … I thought if you could see them together—’
‘You thought what? That we’d all play happy families? That I’d forgive and forget? That is never going to happen. Never. And as for you …’
Audrey watches as Jess turns towards Lily. There is such hatred in her expression that Audrey can hardly bear to see it but neither can she tear her eyes away, like a voyeur at a car crash.
‘… standing there so holier-than-thou. Don’t you ever go near my daughter again, do you hear me? You don’t deserve to be a parent. You shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children.’
Audrey sees the colour drain from Lily’s cheeks. She feels the sharp stab of Jess’s words, knows the force with which the attack will land. It is less than three months since Lily was in hospital grieving for her second miscarried baby. Jess does not know about it but that does not make her words any less hurtful.