And there were still too many unknowns. If Morten wasn’t sanctioned by the FHP, then I needed to stop him before he started another interstellar war.
“The kid isn’t at fault,” I signed. “And until we know what’s going on, we need to keep digging.”
Lexi sighed and flopped into my guest chair. “I told them you’d say that,” she said. She opened her arms and Luna hopped into her lap. She gave the little burbu a good petting before she looked up and met my eyes. “Want to talk about it?”
I sat on the edge of the bed. “I thought Morten was done fucking us over.” It wasn’t what she meant, but it was the only thing I could talk about without wanting to cry.
Lexi’s face darkened. “I should’ve stabbed that little weasel when I had the chance.”
“Then we would’ve never gotten out. We did the best we could with what we had.” Just like we were doing now.
“For what it’s worth, Chira said Torran really didn’t know about the empress’s plan,” Lexi said, “and that he was furious when he found out.” I glared at her and she raised the hand that wasn’t petting Luna. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”
“What if I just stab the messenger, instead?”
“I’m not making excuses for him, because what he did was shitty, but I can tell you care for him, at least as a friend.” She raised her eyebrows but didn’t comment on whether she thought it was more than that. “You don’t have to forgive him, but you should at least hear him out before you chuck him into a volcano.”
Based on my current level of anger, a volcano might be too good for him.
A bitter smile touched Lexi’s mouth. “Kee said you told him about Rodeni, or at least enough that he could draw the right conclusions about what really went down. But before you explained, how did it look from his side? Like you ruthlessly murdered a bunch of innocents. Every story has two sides.” She eased Luna off her lap and stood. “Just think about it.”
“It hurts,” I whispered.
Lexi sat next to me and wrapped her arms around me. “I know,” she murmured.
My control snapped and the pain and grief poured out of me in a silent deluge of tears. Lexi procured a handkerchief from one of her hidden pockets and pressed it into my hands, then went back to hugging me, offering quiet strength and support.
After I’d finally cried myself out, I squeezed her tight. “Thanks, Lexi.”
“Of course.” She leaned back and pinned me with a hard stare. “Don’t forget, while you’re so busy taking care of everyone else, that it’s okay to let someone take care of you, occasionally, too.”
“I don’t—” Her stare got fiercer, so I raised my hands in surrender. “I’ll try.”
She squeezed me again. “Get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.”
I bid her good night and she left with a final wave. My room felt emptier without her presence, but overall, I felt better. The emotional maelstrom had settled a bit, bringing clarity. I would find Cien, I would stop whatever war was brewing, and then I would get the hell out of Valovian space.
If the thought made my heart ache, I ignored it.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I slept poorly and arose far too early again. It was becoming a bad habit, but it likely wouldn’t get better until my team and I were safely back in Fed space. Then I would sleep for a week and forget I’d ever met General Torran Fletcher.
A breakfast tray was waiting outside my door, topped by a beautiful envelope with my name written on it in the same strong hand that had written yesterday’s note.
I stepped over it without stopping.
In the kitchen, I fed Luna the food I’d brought for her. Once she started eating, I made my way to the gym. I felt an urgent need to punch something.
Unfortunately, the gym wasn’t empty. Torran and Varro were sparring. I averted my eyes and steeled my spine. I wasn’t a coward, so I wouldn’t run like one. The two of them weren’t using the punching bag, and they were far enough away that I wouldn’t interrupt them.
Since I didn’t know how to use any of the other equipment, it was either boxing or dynamic stretching. I probably should do some fluid, meditative stretches to recenter myself, but I felt like some old-fashioned violence.
I wrapped my knuckles with the wraps I’d brought with me, then did a few minutes of warm-up. The first punch connected hard and sent a satisfying jolt up my arm. I fell into the rhythm, dodging and weaving to avoid imaginary blows.
By the time Eli appeared behind the bag to stabilize it, I’d worked up a sweat and my lungs were heaving like bellows.
“You done?”
I could barely hear him over the sound of my own breathing. But if I quit, then I had to face the rest of the day. “Five more minutes.”
“You want to beat on a live target instead?”
I stopped long enough to look him up and down. Eli wasn’t the least bit sweaty, which meant he hadn’t even started his workout, and my arms felt like lead weights. He outclassed me on my best day and today was far from that. “No, thanks. I’m not volunteering to be your punching bag.”
“Spoilsport.” He grinned at me, but under the grin, I could see the concern lurking in his eyes.
“I’m fine,” I told him. “Go beat up someone else.”
His gaze cut to the two Valoffs sparring nearby. “I would, gladly, but I don’t think you’d let me.”
“You’d be surprised,” I muttered.
Eli barked out a laugh. “Just say the word, Captain.”
I pressed my lips together and spent five minutes trying to drive the bag through Eli’s grip. It didn’t work, and my arms felt like wobbly pudding by the time I was done.
Eli shook his head. “You’re going to feel that tomorrow.”
I bent over and shook out my arms. “I feel it today.”
“You should soak in the heated pool,” Torran said. “It is good for sore muscles.”
I flinched in surprise, mostly because he was closer than I’d expected. As much as I wanted to ignore him until the end of time, I was a damned adult. I could act like it, even if it killed me, so I straightened, turned to him, and stared at his chin. A smile was beyond me, so I didn’t even try to summon one.
“Thank you for the suggestion, General Fletcher.” The words were exquisitely polite, but my tone screamed, Now kindly hurl yourself into the nearest star. “If you’ll excuse me.”
I left without waiting for acknowledgment.
After a scalding hot shower and an hour outside with Luna, I felt marginally better. And every time I stepped over the tray at my door, I got a little stab of vicious satisfaction. The meal bar I ate tasted extra delicious with a side of spite.
I was going through Nilo’s new brief for the third time when Kee bounced into the war room, slate held high. “I got it,” she crowed. “It’s just raw numbers right now, so I still need to sort through it, but I got it.”
“Excellent work, Kee.” I raised my hand for a high five, and she slapped her palm against mine. “Do you need help?”