He Who Fights with Monsters 5: A LitRPG Adventure

“It’ll take about ten minutes,” Jason said to Hiro and Taika.

The three men watched as the stream of cloud stuff slowly compressed itself into the form of a huge recreational vehicle. It was double-decked and generally enormous, at four metres high and fourteen metres long. The driving station was visible through a glass bubble sticking out from the top level of the vehicle’s front.

“Bro, that’s one of them super-expensive motorhomes. How’d you fit it in a bottle? Oh wait, magic. I’m still getting used to that.”

“These things are basically a luxury yacht on wheels,” Hiro said. “They normally go for upwards of three million, but I’m guessing this one cost a little more.”

“I’m not clear on the exchange rate,” Jason said. “I won this one in a competition and I’m still sinking money into it. Often literally.”

“What kind of competition?” Hiro asked.

“Retrieving the symbolic weapon of an ancient order of assassins from a pocket universe.”

“I have no idea how to respond to that,” Hiro said. “I no longer have any basis for what ridiculous is.”

“What’s with the license plate?” Taika asked, prompting Jason and Hiro to look. It read RPR-MAN.

“Are you a repair man?” Taika asked. “That seems odd to put on an expensive magical motor home.”

“Nope,” Jason said. “I’m not sure what that’s about.”

“It’s not repair man,” Shade said, emerging from Jason’s shadow. “It’s Reaper Man.”

“Shade, have you been messing with my cloud flask?”

“No,” Shade said. “I think it recognises that I’ll be the one driving.”

“That’s fair,” Jason said. “I’m starting to have some suspicions about the cloud flask, though. It seems awfully reactive for a magic item.”

“The cloud flask is a profoundly sophisticated item, bound to your soul. What you perceive as reactions to its environment are, in fact, affected by your unconscious control.”

“So you’re saying that I’m the repair man,” Jason reasoned.

“It’s Reaper Man,” Shade insisted. “I am quite certain it refers to me.”

Hiro and Taika were watching the pair converse, their eyes glued warily on Shade. It was not the first time they had encountered him, but they were still unnerved by having the magical entity in their midst. Jason glanced in their direction.

“Blokes, I know this is all still fresh, but you’re in the shallow end of the pool. You haven’t even met Colin yet.”

“Colin?”

“He’s my other mate. He’s still recovering after fighting with that prick who kidnapped me.”

“Is he going to try again?”

“I don’t think so,” Jason said. “The local authorities have him in custody. Of course, those local authorities might try and kidnap me themselves, but hopefully, they decide to go in another direction.”

A sleek, black two-door car pulled up in front of the apartment. Jason wasn’t a car person and didn’t recognise it, but it was clearly an old classic. Vermillion emerged, walking around the side of the building where the others were gathered. His attention was immediately drawn to Shade, while Jason eyed Vermillion’s car.

“Nice car,” Jason said.

“1967 Maserati Ghibli,” Vermillion said proudly. “I’ve actually had it since ’67 too.”

“It’s a little on the nose, isn’t it?” Jason asked. “I mean, if you asked me what kind of car a vampire drives, that’s exactly what I’d think of.”

“I do have an image to maintain,” Vermillion said. “And I don’t think you’re the one to go throwing stones over ostentatious black cars. Hello, Shade.”

“Mr Vermillion,” Shade returned the greeting.

Vermillion greeted Hiro and Taika, inquiring how they were handling the recent revelations they had experienced. Their still-uneasy reaction to the vampire, an object of fear even before they knew his true nature, told Vermillion more than their mumbled responses.

“Is this yours?” Vermillion asked Jason, looking over the huge white motorhome.

“Yep.”

“Is it that crazy expensive European model? I didn’t pay you that much for the gold.”

“No, it’s custom,” Jason said. “Very custom. I brought it back with me.”

“You brought a motorhome back from an alternate reality?”

“I brought the power to teleport back from an alternate reality and this is what surprises you?”

“It’s a matter of perspective,” Vermillion said. “Teleport powers I can see in a magical alternate universe. RV dealerships seem like they’d be less prominent.”

“They had all kinds of magic vehicles,” Jason said. “There were magical carriages that were kind of like old-timey cars. I had a friend who used to drive us around a river delta on an airboat to do jobs. It was great.”

“An airboat? Like an Everglades-style airboat?”

“Yep. There was kind of a hover version for travelling through the desert too. Oh, and giant sand barges. It was very Jabba the Hutt. And an underwater subway. That was awesome.”

“I’d love to see all that,” Vermillion said.

“I have recordings of a lot of it,” Jason said. “I’ll show you some time. So, what brings you by? Is it about the Network, or are you just sending us off?”

“Annabeth Tilden did contact me.”

“What do you think of her?” Jason asked.

“She’s one of the good ones,” Vermillion said. “Be aware that she has people she answers to, however. She may oversee direct operations for her branch, but the people above her have the ultimate oversight.”

“Is that why she wanted you to play go between?” Jason asked. “Someone outside her chain of command?”

“I think she’s sensitive to what happens if you get pushed too far. She was very happy that you didn’t lay your kidnapping at the feet of the entire Network.”

“I’m not ruling anything out, at this stage,” Jason said.

“How are you holding up?” Vermillion asked.

“It’s not like I’ve never been kidnapped before.”

“It’s not?”

“I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

“We might have that chance sooner rather than later,” Vermillion said. “I actually came to tell you about my demotion. After everything that happened, it’s been decided to give someone else oversight of the Cabal’s Sydney operations. I’m being moved to somewhere more modest.”

“They’re banishing you to the middle of nowhere?”

“It shouldn’t be too bad,” Vermillion said. “It’s a little tourist town up the coast. We’re anticipating a rise in magical activity in the near future, so they’ve decided to assign someone to keep an eye on things. Namely, me.”

Jason laughed.

“I see. Well, would you like to travel with us, then?”

“I have my car,” Vermillion said.

“Oh, I can sort that out,” Jason said.

The size and weight limit of Jason’s inventory slots had increased with his rank, and he successfully managed to fit Vermillion’s car. He lifted the front end with his formidable strength and pushed it into the inventory window. The car vanished.

“What did you do to my car?” Vermillion asked.

Taika and Hiro goggled at the space it had been in. They were still far from inured to Jason’s casual use of magic.

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