Hating You, Loving You

My cock stirs.

"Not sex." She tugs at her tank top, trying and failing to cover her black panties. The same ones from her picture—from every masturbatory fantasy I've had since—cotton bikinis with cream lace trim. "I know you want to wait. I just… I want you to hold me. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about it."

I can't say no to that. "Give me five minutes to brush my teeth."

"Okay." She turns and moves into the kitchen, hips swaying as she walks.

Fuck, she has a nice ass.

I try to pry my eyes away, but they won't go. My body is already roaring. It's already begging to get between her legs.

She fills a glass with water and brings it to her lips.

I move into the bathroom. Try to get my thoughts from the gutter as I brush my teeth and wash up.

Fail.

I stay put as I listen to her move into the bedroom.

She leaves the door wide open.

Yellow light floods the dark room. It casts highlights off her nose, the edge of her shoulder, those strong legs.

For someone barely five feet tall, she has long legs.

I want them wrapped around my waist.

Pressed against my cheeks.

Fighting my hands.

Fuck. For the first time in my entire life, I wish I'd done more to cultivate restraint.

How the hell does this work?

I step into the room and out of my jeans.

Chloe gives me a long, slow once over. Desire spreads over her expression as she pats the spot next to her.

I pull the door closed and climb under the covers.

She nestles into me. Rests her back against my chest, her ass against my crotch, her head in the space between my chin and shoulder.

I wrap my arm around her.

Intertwine my fingers with hers.

She's so close.

I can feel her heartbeat.

Her inhale.

Her exhale.

She squeezes my fingers. "I'm probably going to keep you up all night."

She's right about that.

"I keep thinking about the test. Worrying it's going to be like last time. Everyone told me it would be fine. That it was just a precaution. That I was too young." She melts into my chest.

"That must have been terrifying."

"It was. But it was more dread than fear. I knew what was waiting for me. I watched my mom fight. That's what everyone called it. The entire time, up until the end, she was fighting. But she was losing. The chemo took everything from her. I didn't want to go through that."

"Did you?"

Her nod is soft. "I did a short treatment. But it was enough… Do you know how it works?"

"Not exactly."

"It's poison. And it feels like it. It's killing you, only it's killing the cancer cells faster. It was awful. I wasn't sure if I wanted to live or die."

"Fuck." I run my fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry."

"I try not to think about it. I don't know if I could do it again."

The odds are nearly nothing that she's sick.

But it's not what she needs to hear. "Then don't."

"But I'd be accepting it."

"If you're sick, you're sick whether you accept it or not. It's your life. It's your body. It's your decision."

"Maybe. I don't know if I could do that to Dad and Gia. Or you even."

"Don't worry about me."

"I'm not. I'm just thinking."

"About."

"There are so many things I gave up on after my diagnosis. But I can have a lot of them. I just don't."

"What do you want?"

"Well…" She lets out a soft laugh. "I'm not trying to get in your pants. I swear."

"You're gonna hurt my feelings, sunshine."

Her laugh spreads over her chest and stomach. She shakes against me. Squeezes my hand. "You overuse that line."

"'Cause you keep bruising my ego."

She turns so we're face-to-face. "I want to feel at home in my body." Her fingers curl around my wrist. "Like it's capable of making me feel good." Her eyes bore into mine. "I used to. God." Her cheeks flush. "I used to love when guys would play with my chest. But now… what if I don't like it anymore? What if I can't feel anything?"

"You've never tried."

"Only on my own. But it's not the same. It's not enough."

Fuck, I want to give her that.

I want to give her everything.

My fingers skim her cheek.

Her eyelids press together.

Her lips part with a sigh. "Dean…"

My hands move of their own accord.

I trace a line over her chin. Down her neck. Along her collarbones.

Her voice is soft. Needy. "Don't tease me. Please."

She arches her back, pressing her chest against mine.

I bring one hand to the small of her back. Hold her close as I kiss her.

Her leg hooks around my thigh.

Her fingers curl into my wrist.

She breaks our kiss with a heavy sigh. "Please." Her chest heaves with her inhale. "I have to know if I can still feel good."

Fuck, I'm being a fool.

This is what she needs.

I peel her tank top up her stomach. Over her chest. Her head.

I toss it on the bed behind me.

She looks up at me with nervous eyes. "No one has ever…" Her cheeks flush. "Do they… Are they…"

"Fucking amazing." I bring my lips to hers. Kiss her hard and deep.

She rocks her hips against mine.

Groans as her pelvis brushes my hard-on.

Fuck, that feels good.

My hand goes to the waist of her panties. I drag my fingertips up her stomach.

Her breath hitches as I bring my hand to her chest. "Dean?"

"Yeah?" My voice is heavy with need. Fuck, I can't remember the last time I wanted someone this badly.

No.

I've never wanted someone this badly.

Her hips rock against mine. "I… please."

I press my lips to hers as I drag my thumb over her nipple.

She groans against my lips.

Her palm goes flat against my stomach.

Her fingers dig into my skin as I rub her with my thumb.

I do it again and again.

I do it until she breaks our kiss with a sigh.

"Fuck." She looks up at me, her eyes wide with a mix of relief and desire. "That—"

I draw circles around her nipple with my thumb.

"Fuck." Her eyelids press together. "Don't stop."

Like hell.

I watch pleasure spread over her expression as I rub her harder.

Harder.

There.

"Dean." Her nails dig into my skin. "God."

Fuck, she's beautiful wracked with pleasure.

I toy with her nipple with my thumb. Harder. Softer. Slower. Faster. Circles. Zigzags. Up. Down. Left. Right.

I play with her every way I can, then I move to my index finger and I do it again.

Chloe tilts her head toward the bed. She bites her lip. Squirms under my touch.

She's wound up.

Ready.

But, well, I can't exactly live up to that no teasing request.

I kiss her hard as I toy with her.

Her tongue slides into my mouth. She kisses back, aggressive and hungry.

Her need pours into me.

Her groans vibrate down my chest.

Her fingers tug at my boxers.

Right now, she isn't thinking about her test. Or her future. Or tomorrow.

Right now, I'm the only thing in her universe.

And, fuck, the thrill of that—

I drag my lips over her chin.

She writhes under me as I kiss my way down her neck.

Over her chest.

I take her nipple into my mouth and suck softly.

I tease her every way I can.

Soft flicks of my tongue. Hard ones. Long ones. Circles.

I suck softly.

Then harder.

Then hard enough her groans echo around the room.

Her hand finds my shoulder. She claws at my skin like it's the only way she can express exactly how pent up she is.

"Dean." Her hips rock against my stomach. "Fuck me. Please."

I drag my lips over her chest. Take her other nipple into my mouth. Tease it just as mercilessly.

Her shoulders relax as a sigh falls off her lips.

Relief spreads over her expression.

But it's short lived. A few more flicks of my tongue, and she's clawing at me again.

Her expression is pure make me come, now.

My cock whines. It wants inside her. It wants every sweet, soft inch of her.

Soon.

Very fucking soon.

I bring my hands to her hips as I suck on her nipple.

There. I push her panties off her right hip. The left.

She arches her back. Shimmies out of her panties. Kicks them off the bed.

Chloe is naked under me.

And, fuck, it really is everything.

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